It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman, immediately after a breakup, must be in want of a bottle of vodka (eat it, Jane Austen).

Unless you’ve been dropped onto planet earth straight out of a Disney musical or are some kind of callous, unfeeling automaton. Chances are you’ve experienced the burn of heartbreak. It’s an undeniable fact that statistically, most of us are going to be spectacularly dumped at least once while we grapple our way through the hell-scape that is modern dating.

I am having a chat with author Sarah Robinson; the quick-witted, foul-mouthed wordsmith behind the semi-autobiographical activity book ‘F**k Off and Die’, a collaboration between herself and talented Perth artist Jade Foo.

This astute little guide is there is hold your hand (rather violently) through the first month of a breakup. You’ll find no Namaste-deep breathing-new age-nonsense in here, only brutal honesty and a rather unorthodox list of self-healing activities.

I’m sure you’ve been asked this one a million times, but tell us your thought process during the initial writing stages of FOD.

“I was going through a breakup, and when I go through something hard, I like to read articles or books that offer tips on how to get through things. I found so much of the stuff I read told me to meditate or forgive or find peace, but I could hardly get through a minute of the day without crying, let alone do a downward dog.

So, I started doing things that actually helped me, at least for a moment. Then a friend of mine was going through a break up with an abusive man, and I thought, ‘if I can just write these things down that helped me, maybe she’ll stay away from him?’

I’d already started the book, but when I realised my friend could maybe get some benefit from it, I stopped procrastinating and finished it that day. She didn’t go back to him, and although she says it helped her a lot, I also think she’s a bad ass warrior woman.”

Tell me the #1 sh*ttiest piece of advice someone gave you concerning your breakup.

“I hate it when people say, ‘at least you didn’t have kids’, or ‘at least you didn’t buy a house together’. I think the worst thing people can do, no matter what, is delegitimising your feelings. Whether you’re with them for two weeks or 20-years, your feelings are real, and to process them, you need to feel them. I know it totally sucks because at times the pain can be unbearable, but I think it helps you recover in the long term.

I don’t think these people mean anything by their comments. I think a lot of people just want to ‘fix’ your pain, which is so understandable. But really, all you can do is give people space to grieve without judging them. Do tangible things if you can think of them, but ultimately, your job isn’t to take their pain away, but be a safe person for them to feel it around.

It’s the most generous and beautiful thing you can do for someone grieving.”

Did writing this book help speed along the healing process for you?

“Probably! The healing process is a strange one. I think your body grieves in many different stages, and sometimes even years later you’ll feel loss about something you didn’t realise you hadn’t dealt with yet.

I use the word ‘grief’ because studies show that to your brain a break up is just as painful as the death of a loved one. So many women I know say, ‘oh I shouldn’t feel this bad, I’m just weak’. But no, you are going through a painful time, and the worst thing you can do is invalidate your feelings. They are real, and feeling them is an act of strength, not weakness.

Also, by being vulnerable, you give other people permission to be too. Although of course, that’s not what it’s about. A break up is just about you doing whatever you need to do to get through the pain, into the light and then eventually, into the epic life you were always meant to lead. And trust me, you will!”

Did you ever actually tell your ex to Fuck off and Die?

“Haha, no! But I really felt I wanted to sometimes.”

The FIRST result when googling ‘surviving a breakup’ is ‘meditate don’t medicate’, which is the antithesis of everything in your book. What is it about this advice that grinds your gears?

“When you’re in the midst of a breakup, it’s difficult to even function like a normal human, let alone begin a wild meditation regime.

The advice pisses me off because when you’re feeling like shit and reading it, you feel even shittier because you’re supposed to be downward dogging et al, but you’re crying, sleeping and not showering instead.

I think it’s more nourishing to accept things are absolute crap, feel your sadness and be gentle on yourself. I watched a lot of children’s television with my one-year-old nephew, bought heaps of black t-shirts and chain-smoked menthols on drunken nights out.

I did what I needed to do to get through the initial period without him.

Besides hanging with my nephew and the odd black crop top, I don’t do any of that anymore. (Okay, I still get drunk, but without the durries.)

Breaking up is like kicking an addiction. I think if you can get through that first month without them, you’re way more likely to get clean and then if you feel like it, start meditating.

This is even more important if the partner in question is abusive, which is also why part proceeds of the book go to a Women’s Shelter in the South West of WA.”

Somewhere out there, there is a woman who has just broken up with the so-called love of her life. If you could shout through the void to her your biggest pearl of wisdom, what would it be?

“There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Know that your pain is legitimate and real, and even though it may not feel like it, it will eventually get less and less.

You are feeling this immense pain because you loved fucking hard, and that is so bad ass.

Also, don’t break up alone. Reach out to people who make you feel safe. You will be surprised who wants to be there for you in your time of need. Your pain is not a burden on people, in fact, most people will feel honoured to heed your call in your time of need.

The first time my ex and I broke up, I didn’t tell anyone, and it was so hard. The second time (because it can take a few goes) I decided to reach out to as many people as I could.

As a result, I now have stronger and more beautiful friendships with people that I would never have expected. Just choose people you feel will give you what you need.

Breakups are scary because change is scary. And, you’ve just lost your best f**king friend. But you are a warrior, and you will eventually burn bright again.

Sorry, that’s way more than one pearl.”

You can get your paws on a copy of her book here http://www.fodbook.com (there is even a free downloadable PDF for the cheapskates in the crowd)

Can’t get enough Sarah? Read more of her musings on her blog. http://www.fodbook.com/blog

Follow her on Instagram @FODbook

Feature image credit: Jade Foo