First dates are really important, it’s all about making the right impression and it’s really scary because things could go wrong or not. First dates are probably one of the most terrifying things we do. Do you know what is even more important on a first date? Is to find out as much as you can about the person you’re out with. It might seem awkward at first and this is why we’re thought of 6 questions that might get you started. 6 questions you should ask on your first date…

What do you ask someone you are dating for the first time? Here are 6 questions you should ask on your first date because the answers to them can be quite revealing.

1. Ask about their beliefs/values and priorities

It doesn’t have to be anything too serious. It could be questions on the line of; ‘ What do you like to do, how do you spend your time, what makes you happy?’ If you like, they can be more in-depth questions but maybe save them for another date.

The answers to these questions should tell you quite a lot about the person you’re on a date with. True compatibility comes in matching values, beliefs and priorities mixed with chemistry.

2. Ask them how they spend their weekend

Finding out how they spend their free time or busy time, will help you find out about their interests, priorities and socialisation habits. All are important to find out about to decide whether you are compatible or not. If they are an outdoor type of person who likes to spend time fishing, surfing and kayaking. You, on the other hand, like to chill and binge-watch Netflix. This could become a problem…

3. Ask about their regrets

By sharing embarrassing moments and regrets, the other person becomes more vulnerable and this is a way to build intimacy. Intimacy is a key player in a long and lasting relationship.

4. Ask them if they make their bed every morning

If you are a neat freak this is going to matter because nobody wants to be picking up after the other person. How they answer will give you insight into their need to have order, organisation. It also tells you whether they are a morning person or not.

5. Ask about their worse date 

Hopefully, you won’t hear- “This is the worst date I’ve been on”. Otherwise, this question can lead to a few laughs and it’ll give you an indication whether they have a good sense of humour. Being able to laugh at life and its many awkward moments is really important. We have all experienced a terrible first date and on the hindsight, they are hilarious when you re-tell them. They make for great ice-breakers too.

6. Ask about their family

This question will tell who they are closets within their family or if they are close at all. It might reveal whether relationships are important to them or not.

Hopefully, these questions will give you enough o work with on your next first date and maybe help you find your perfect match. Good luck.

Featured photo by Korney Violin on Unsplash

H/T HelloGiggles

It’s actually great that you are single at this very moment. It’s only the beginning of 2019 and a lot is going to happen, especially in the love department. Seriously, now it’s a great time for you to give yourself time to reflect on what went wrong in 2018 and the lessons you learned. So, here are 10 indisputable reasons why it’s great to be single in 2019. Seriously, you should feel legit happy to not be romantically tied down to someone. Prepare to be totally validated for ridin’ solo.

1. Tidy up your home/apartment.

You can use all the time you want to “Marie Kondo” the shit out of your apartment. Watch her magic, she is absolutely amazing if you want to get your shit organised.

2. You can blast your Spotify collection to your heart’s content.

You can blast “Shallow” on repeat at home without having to justify your choice of Spotify bops.

3. Getting your beauty sleep

You probably are getting more sleep. It’s way easier to go nighty-night without tussling over who is hogging the comforter or blanket.

4. Going to the gym more

You can get those feel-good hormones-  endorphins in other ways besides sex. More time for the gym and spontaneous walks, increase endorphin production.

5. Do more of the things you enjoy

You can actually start that book, Netflix series or song, or whatever you haven’t had time to do, and just because you want to.

6. You can eat your ice cream

You can eat your ice-cream straight from the container without being roasted.

7. You can indulge in some solo-play

You have time to spend on solo pleasure and also sample that amazing sex toy you had your eye on for a while.

8. Don’t have to fight what show you’re going to watch

You don’t have to fight with anyone over your next Netflix binge, at all. Win!

9.  No guilt about flirting randoms

No guilt flirting. Now that’s real freedom. Never to have to look over your shoulder.

10. You got your bed all to yourself

You can sprawl across your bed and don’t need to worry about someone stealing the covers. Eat in bed and not have to wear your sexy underwear. Simple pleasures!

There’s no hurry, the year has just started. You need time to look back at last year and see where things didn’t go so well and learn from previous mistakes. Plus there are things you can enjoy while you are single that you can’t when you are in a relationship.

Christmas can be a tricky time for singles, so most people assume. There is a new study that suggests a majority of single women and almost half of single men are happy with being single. And just, because you’re single, doesn’t mean that the most wonderful time of the year has to be less wonderful and magical.

It’s actually easy to understand why flying solo means you can have a festive season like no other. Let us list a few reasons why being single during the festive season is the best:

1- No gift Shopping

Some relationships, especially new ones, come with unrealistic gift expectations. Buying the wrong gift can set the tone for the holiday and months to come.

Then it’s nice to not have to fall into this gift -panic trap of the festive season – it’s good to be single. There’s no Christmas shopping stress, with all the uncertainty of “will they like this present?”. Singles can indulge in all their selfish shopping impulses. Buying Christmas gifts for yourself is fun and you will enjoy every single gift.

You can throw yourself into partying and comfort eating… it’s me and more me time. Being single during the festive season is indeed the best.

2- There are no run-ins with in-laws

Being single over Christmas means that there are no run-ins with in-laws. The stress to have to please your in-laws, to have everything ‘perfect’ around the house and to worry about getting the right gift and holding polite conversations. All can add unnecessary stress to this festive season. Sometimes, unfortunately, leading to fights that might ruin the holiday spirit. Being single you don’t have to worry about any of this.

3. Travel

The wonderful thing about being single during the festive season is that you needn’t stay around. You can instead plan to travel abroad. Travelling alone is the best thing you can do, you are free to go anywhere you like. Doing it alone will boost your confidence and will build lasting memories.

4. Party time

Christmas is the party season and as a single, you can take this to the full extent of the meaning -partying. The Christmas period is the best time for being single, there are a lot of parties full of people ordinarily you might not talk to.

During Christmas, the normal rules of dating do not apply. If you are in the mood of romance this is the season for it. Christmas is the ideal time to ask that hot guy for some after-work drinks (wink, wink).

So, get out there and enjoy Christmas while being single.

Summer is the time for fun and carefree living. Going to the beach, outdoor activities and making new friends. Summer is notoriously known for ‘summer flings‘. Summer flings are notoriously short, heated and have a deep imprint in our memories. Know the good & bad of a summer fling.

A summer fling is a brief romance where both parties understand that their time together is going to last during summer only. It may last the entire summer or part of the summer. Or it could be only days, it all depends. A lot of people travel during summer-time and meet someone while travelling.

Why do flings notoriously happen in summer? It might be related to the fact that people feel more relaxed and happy, the weather is warm and the whole environment around you is vibrant, relaxed and you feel alive. That’s why summer romance is more likely to become a summer fling and not a relationship. Although you feel physically attracted there’s the distance that makes it impossible for a relationship to happen. Another reason is that you are wearing ‘summer goggles’ which impermeant almost everything you do during summer. When reality sets in, things are not as ideal as they might have seemed.

Let’s lay out the good & bad of a summer fling.

# Good 1: Summer flings are super romantic

It’s true. Summer is when you feel free, relaxed and non-conformist. In general, you have no real commitments – no university or work commitments. Spending your time however you like. Your dates can start in the morning and flow right into the evening. Starting with a dip in the beach, picnic at the park and watching the sunset on a beach. No work or life schedules sucking away the simple pleasures of being with someone you like.

Bad 1#: Summer flings can instantly suck too

Your summer date can suck real quick. It might have the energy and the explosive passion of a great fling and then have a 360-degree turn. Where your fling goes from showering with attention to going complete ‘radio silence’ and ignoring you. Not nice, nobody deserves to be treated like that – have some decency and give them closure. Don’t turn a happy memory into a sad memory people. Just say you’re not interested and it’s finished because it’s not like there was a whole lot of emotional investment.

# Good 2: Summer flings make you feel alive

There’s nothing like a summer fling to make you live in the present and feel alive every minute of the day. With the knowledge that this is a short-lived romance, summer flings make you focus on the moment. Living in the moment is the best part of a summer fling.

# Bad 2: Might not spend time with friends and family

This might happen but not always. Summer flings can absorb your every energy potentially distracting you from family and friends. The nature of summer fling can get you wrapped in the fling and neglect your family and friends. Remember that family and friends are always there for you so make a mental note to spend time with them too.

# Good 3: Summer flings create lifelong memories

Summer flings are generally a positive experience and because of its brevity and the strong connection you had with the person, they remain with us. How could you forget a time when you were having fun and having a blast with someone you connected with strongly.

# Bad 3: Some summer flings make bad memories

Yes, summer flings are light and fun connections and some people like to have multiple connections at the same time. There’s always a chance that the other person is seeing someone else. Disappointment might ensue and instead, you’ll feel hard done for. Try to be on the same page and have the conversation early on if you want an ‘exclusive’ summer fling.

# Good 4: Summer flings make us feel awesome

Summer flings are great at any age and can happen to anyone regardless of age. Summer flings make us feel awesome because we take chances and live freely. They bring renewed energy. You feel a spring in your step that is ageless.

# Bad 4: They are fleeting moments

Summer flings are like living in a dream, where you know that once reality steps in it’s all over. The hardest part of a fling is saying goodbye. Although you both knew that this wonderful fling was going to end quickly. All summer flings have a bittersweet finish. Despite it, summer flings are worth it for how they make you feel and all the renewed hope in love.

Here’s a short video on how to manage your summer fling:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=gjghxXDfGUE

If you’re faced with the decision of whether you want to dive in and have your ‘summer fling’. Dive in, although you know you might have to deal with some drama, it’s all worth it. Life is meant to be lived and as such there’ll be good experiences and bad experiences, but all teach us something about ourselves and others.

Summers are actually the best time to meet people organically, as more people are out and about. The best part is, “getting out there” doesn’t necessarily have to mean going completely out of your way to meet a special someone.

Go out simply with the intention to have fun and make new friends. If more happens – bonus.

Whether at the shops, at a coffee shop or at the gym, be open and relaxed because meeting someone can happen anywhere.

So here are the best places to meet someone during the summer:

1. The beach

It’s summer and being at the beach is a fav hangout for many people. The likelihood to meet someone special is possible. Lot’s of singles on uni breaks or on holidays will swarm the beach and therefore is a great place to strike a conversation with a total stranger.

2. Going on a holiday

When you’re on a holiday, you and everyone else on a holiday are relaxed and just out to enjoy themselves. People love to meet someone out of town, or someone from a different country. The excitement can lead to a nice summer fling.

3. Your city local events

Take advantage of your city’s summer events.  Open-air cinemas and free concerts are great opportunities to make eye contact and start conversations with people who have similar taste in movies and music. This can be a great organic way to meet people.

4. Outdoor concerts and music festivals

Summer is the time where there are a lot of concerts and music festivals on. There is something about music and people in an ecstatic state that breaks social barriers and allows people to come together. The free, happy atmosphere where the endorphins spike set up the perfect stage to meet someone new.

Your own neighbourhood

In summer the days are longer so take a good old fashion walk around your neighbourhood. If you have a  dog or take a stroll with a friend and go for a coffee. People out tend to reach out, say hello and start a conversation when you are relaxed and open.

Not all of us are born with good looks and charm, but we can work at appearing more attractive to others. While looks do matter, it’s far from the only thing that contributes to an attraction. The science of sexual attraction is complex that involves many factors, from the way you smell, the way you hold yourself and what you wear. Although we can’t change our genetics, the good news is that there are plenty of ways to make yourself more attractive to others. Check out the 5 ways to appear more attractive to others.

1. Be funny

Funny people are considered to be more social and more intelligent. Things that women and men seek in a mate.

2. Have an entourage

Surround yourself with friends. Studies show that people look better in groups because unattractive features are less noticeable.
According to a study from the University of California at San Diego, people were rated as better-looking when they were in group photos than in solo shots.

3. Skip the small talk

People feel more connected to someone who asks deeper questions with more sincerity.

4. Get a pet

Having a pet signals that you’re nurturing, thoughtful, kind and capable of making long-term commitments.

5. Smile more

Happy facial expressions can compensate for relative unattractiveness. People who smile are perceived as more trustworthy and genuine. Everybody knows that smiling confers kindness and approachability.

Pretty simple really. It’s in the little things that a lot transpires. Smile more, show real interest in the people around you, be funny and show that you can take of yourself.

Feature image: pexels

1. Grab a great book and go on a picnic

Take yourself to a nearby park or to the beach and open your fav book. Enjoy the scene around you and let yourself be transported to the world of fantasy in your book. It’s a delightful date that is all about you and therapeutic. A sort of digital-detox and getting all that vitamin D. You’ll feel invigorated and happy to be out in the world in your own terms. Best, is that you can stay as long as you want without anyone dictating where and how long your stay should be. ‘Vive la liberté!’

2. Go watch a movie

When you single and if you’re a female, while you’re dating there are a number of movies you have to put in the ‘another time’ watch list. As your status changes to single, the opportunity to watch all those movies you couldn’t before either by yourself or with your friends is finally here. Binge watch them or go to the cinema and indulge in all the ice cream or popcorn to your heart’s desire. Oh, that’s living.

3.  Go on a solo getaway

This is probably one of the best things you can do. Speaking from experience going on a trip on your own is the best.  You’ll feel liberated and brave.

Your aura will emit carefree vibes which in turn make you a magnet for people. Suddenly, you make new friends and your getaway is on the way to be a fantastic one. It is a very unique feeling to go anywhere you like, for as long as you like and to explore and talk to anyone of your choice. Talking about being in the moment.

4. Go to a music festival

Dance like no one is looking and enjoy every beat and sing out loud. There is a certain freedom in going to a music festival on your own. You can be yourself without judgement, that is if nobody you know sees you there. You can connect with your deeper self and rediscover what music you really enjoy and bust some moves you were too shy to try when next to your ex.

5. Take up some cooking classes

If you enjoy food and wished you had the time to learn to be a better cook, now is the time. One of the best aspects of being single is that you have more time for self-improvement. Why not learn more about food and how to become a better cook. Cooking is relaxing and extremely rewarding. You get to eat better, save money and become a healthier individual – no more takeaway or junk food.

6. Go for a hike

When you’re in a relationship you have to make some compromises and sometimes you give in and give up on things that brought you great pleasure. Hiking is one of the most strenuous and rewarding activities. Hiking takes you out of the house, into nature and into a better head space. Research has found that surrounding yourself by nature will contribute to better mental health not to mention get you fit.

There are some seriously sweet perks in being single and enjoying a date on your own. It’s a time of self-reflection, self-improvement and rediscovering yourself. Finding out who you are and what you really enjoy will reiterate in your next romantic relationship. So, while single make the most of it and enjoy it.

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Starting with this one thought: Holidays are not a preview of the rest of your life – it just feels like it. Everything at this time of the year is magnified and distorted.

Many couples you see around celebrating, hugging and kissing are actually unhappily paired and just for the night, they slide into this fantasy realm where they pretend everything is all alright.

Sure, it’d be easy to stay home, so at least your heart is in the right place when the clock strikes midnight, but where’s the fun in that?
If you have great friends, they’re not going to let your single butt stay home, no matter what.

Admittingly, being single in a group of couples during NYE is tough, but you can cut your odds of feeling totally out of place by keeping these few things in mind.

1. Don’t announce your single status

Don’t blab the entire night about how you are the single one in the group. Honestly, people are so deep in festivity mode, they will hardly notice unless you tell them yourself. So, SHHHH, soak up the moment, don’t mention it and hey the night might turn out pretty swell.

2. Don’t sulk

Starting the new year sulking is not a good way to start fresh. You’re single, so what. It’s not the end of the world. Plus fingers crossed you might meet another single, who might be your type. Staying home certainly will lessen your chance of meeting anyone at all.

3. Mingle

Just because you’re single don’t be afraid to mingle and chat. If it gets a bit awkward, use that move where you pretend one of your friends is calling you over.

4. Look sexy AF

Baby, rock it. It’s NYE and you can look as fabulous as you want to. There’s nothing better than looking your best, it’s empowering and you’ll feel amazing too.

With that in mind, this year on NEY have a blast.Let any blues about being single dissipate. Right now, it just happens to be where you are. Not forever. Not always. Who knows what the next year will hold.

1. Take a break from dating apps: Uninstall them for a while and stop the constant swiping. It’s easy to get caught in the swiping game and become cynical about hookup culture. Taking time off apps will give you time for yourself and really look at what is important to you. Look for desirable qualities for a great date.
2. Show yourself some love: Buy yourself some nice clothes, a nice ring and look at your reflection with love and less criticism. Do everything that makes you feel good and positive. You are number ONE priority. 
3. Make a relationship a choice: Live the life you enjoy, the life that makes you happy, and see who you stumble upon because they already like what you like. Don’t make the relationship a goal, make it a choice.

Related reading: 6 Mistakes women make when trying to find their ideal man.

1. Spend time with female friends: If you don’t have a group of female friends already, start making friends.  These group of female friends make your support system to guide you through your life struggles and dating troubles. Let them be your compass, sometimes we need someone looking in to give us direction. Aim at getting together regularly. You’ll feel more grounded when you can bounce thoughts with friends that have your back.
2. Embrace your inner sexy:  Look good and feel incredible just for yourself. Dare yourself to rock red lips on your next night out or wear that little black sexy dress or some sexy lingerie that boosts your confidence.
3. Say goodbye to your insecurities: Make a list of your flaws and qualities. Read them, be honest with yourself and see how many of your flaws really hold up. Maybe your insecurities have been damaging your self-image aren’t really there. Cross those flaws out and gain more confidence in yourself.
4. Do not settle for less: It’s better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship, for the sake of being in a relationship. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t appreciate your worth, who doesn’t make you feel like you’re a queen/king. Life’s too short to throw it away on people who do not appreciate you.
5. Ditch the f*ckboys/girls: If you want to have a booty call, which is totally cool, do it on your terms.  Don’t let others assume you’re available anytime they like and make you feel like sh*t for it. You dictate the terms and you’ll feel a newborn confidence as a result.
6. Most important – being single is not bad: Being single can be awesome, really! You can allocate every second of the day to your self. Do what you feel like without compromise. Stop putting pressure on yourself to find your ‘soulmate’, because, sorry to break it to you, there’s no such thing. Make being single a time you invest in your self, exploring who you are, taking trips to places you always want to see, becoming more of a whole person. It’s only then that you’ll find your match because you know who you are and who will best suit you.

Let 2018 be a year where you are true to yourself and dating becomes more about pursuing relationships not for the sake of being in a relationship, but for being in them because they make you a better person and bring the best in you.

(RedHotPie) – Is #singlebutdating full of book smarts or your own street smarts?

(Dr Nikki Goldstein) – It’s a combination of my professional and personal experiences. It’s the benefit of writing a book not only as a Sexologist but also a #singlebutdating woman . I knew I could connect with my audience because I understood them. It was confronting at times to share personal stories and reflect on my past, but this after all was how the concept was born – after living this life without a label and without the right advice or permission.

What modern day dating dilemmas does the book address?

It addresses new dating dilemmas in general. The dating landscape as changed completely. Some things stays the same but so much as changed and maybe our biggest problem these days is that we have too many choices. But because many of these changes in the dating world are relatively new, we suffer from a lack of role moiling on how to deal with them and navigate through them. That’s why I felt the modern woman needed a new book.

How do you suggest people traverse the fractured, segmented romantic landscape of the modern world?

There is so much going against us these days in general. We are being fed messages at high speeds that we are not good enough and are being given a mould to fill and roles to follow that might just not belong to us, only adding to low self of self worth and dissatisfaction. Therefore the biggest and best thing anyone can do is to work out what they want away from the influences of media, society, religion and peer pressure and also work on their self esteem so they are able to deal with the negativity that comes their way.

How do you suggest people cut through the personas and projections we all have to create these days… how do you actually get to know someone?

It’s about learning how to be present with someone and withhold from making a quick judgment and putting them in a box. Because dating these days is so superficial and disposable, we might be tempted to pass on someone who doesn’t tick everything on our dating list. However, we not only need to challenge this wish list but when we are with someone, focus on how we feel when we are with them instead of focusing on external superficial factors. It’s also useful to keep a positive mind, turn your attention to who they are not what they are not, it will help keep you open minded. Also put your phone away! When you are on a date with someone, be on a date with them, not distracted by the online and outside world.

Being that we’re able to contact so many people thanks to modern technology, is partner juggling becoming a thing? Is it good or bad?

I think we need to assume that when we first start dating someone they are already dating someone else. Unless it’s an open relationship you are after, if you go in with this assumption you will hopefully lessen the chance of hurt or surprise. But just as they might be dating multiple people, so can you too. It’s good to not be always focusing on one person in the early days but also too many people could act as a distraction and stop a real connection occurring. It’s vital though when you get to a point where you feel things are a little more serious or feelings really develop and you just want to be with one person that you have that conversation. Assumptions can be dangers in this aspect when one person just thinks that now you are not seeing other people but the other person has a tinder profile and is still chatting to other people.  At some point, you need to make sure you are on the same page. When that point is though is up to you.

What are the positives coming from the technological romance revolution?

It has never been so easy to meet people. The downside is there are so much choices now and we are becoming a bit disposable, but if we can concur our self esteem, challenge the dating list and learn how to communication and connect with people, the tech world when it comes to dating can be a lot of fun. You no longer need to go out and run the risk of embarrassment at a bar on a Saturday night but at the same time it’s important to balance our online dating skills with in the flesh interactions. Don’t forget or stop talking to strangers and flirting with people in the real world.

What sort of tips and tricks do you have for people to achieve the best results with dating sites and apps?

If it’s a dating site, a web address can say a lot so make sure you are on the right site and consider what it says about you. Also ensure that you have enough information to interest the person but not too much that it’s a long book. With apps, as words are not in abundance, tell a story with photos. e.g. If you like the outdoors and animals put up photos that tells someone that. Also make sure to stay away from group photos or photos with other people. It’s about you, not giving a level of comparison with your friends

Is romance and chivalry etc still important?

Yes it is, even in the casual hook up world. Romance might be tricky and when we get a sniff of that we do feel like more is ahead but chivalry to me is just respect. Why can’t you be nice and affectionate to someone you just had casual sex with or have just started dating? They have just given you something special whether it is their time or their body,  so why not be respectful in return? Even though woman these days are a lot stronger and empowered it doesn’t mean they don’t want some old fashioned dating manners. Men might actually get a little further if they incorporated these.

It seems we’re being trained to cultivate lots of relationships, but how do we really dig in to one, and get that kind of connection that can last a lifetime?

Judge someone on the internal not the external. Get to know who they are, listen to what they have to say and focus on how you feel when you are together. You can date according to a list but you might only find yourself unhappy and looking for what’s next. Dating and being in a relationship is not about fulfilling an ego, it’s about enjoying moments and feelings with someone else.

Is the traditional idea of the monogamous, married couple outdated, or is it still the end goal for most?

I think the end goals are changing and one of the important things is to work out what your end goal is. This is what #singlebutdating is all about. Take the time to explore and work out what you want so you can be in a relationship that is right for you, whatever that might look like.

And how’s about yourself, have these tips lead to your own dating bliss?

100%! I have taken the time to finally work out what makes me happy and how I want to date and be in relationships. As a result I really enjoy my dating life and I get to date some amazing people. If it doesn’t work out it’s because we are not right for each other and I now know the difference between right or wrong in the dating game for me. I also enjoy this part of my life more and have fun with it. As I wrote the book and created the steps I feel like I went through them again myself and have become even more of the most dateable version of me.

Thanks to Random House Publishing and RedHotPie, you could win one of four copies of #singlebutdating! CLICK HERE to enter.