Being SMS ignored is frustrating. It’s a common phenomenon and a source of endless frustration for mobile phone owners everywhere. Everyone wants to look for a reason why their love interest is not back-and-forthing like you hoped that they would. The truth of the matter is, no one is going to be able to truly tell you the reason for their radio silence except them (so maybe you should ask them directly). However, let’s break down a couple of potentials to soothe your anxious brain. Let’s look at what it means when they don’t text you back.

They just don’t want to talk to you.

This is going to be a hard pill to swallow, but not every person you’re interested in is going to be interested back. Maybe you’ve hooked up and they have decided that they don’t want to pursue a further relationship with you. While it’s frustrating (and rude) that they haven’t just told you outright, your incessant texting is not going to help the situation. Cut your losses and find someone who reciprocates your interest, it will be better for them, you, and your mental health. If you don’t think you can control yourself, delete their number AND social media (or have a trusted friend do it for you).

They are a busy person/ have different priorities.

We all have sh*t going on. Most adults work real jobs that often don’t allow you to have your phone glued to your hand all day long. Unless you have messaged ‘HELP ME, I AM LITERALLY ON FIRE!’ I can assume that your message is probably not of dire importance. Every person has a different order of priorities for things in their life, and perhaps responding to frivolous messages is low on their list. If it is becoming a real issue for you, either let the situation go, or address it directly. Our phones also have this crazy function that will allow you to speak to each other with your actual voices. Give your thumbs a break and give them a call.

You’re being annoying

None of us really want to believe that we are the problem. But take it from this woman who sent 65, 000 messages to a man she met online, sometimes you just need to take a step back. If you’ve sent a significant amount of messages that have gone unanswered, you might be harassing your poor date. If your recipient is only responding after an intense barrage of messages, it might be time to cool your jets and give yourself a self-imposed limit on communication.

You’re hooked on instant gratification

It might be hard to fathom for the majority of us who have grown up in the internet and mobile phone era, but there was a time before instant messaging. We weren’t always in constant contact with each other, and perhaps the shift to this instant gratification lifestyle has caused us to become more impatient and less understanding as a whole.

We flip out if we wait more than a few hours for a response to communication, our minds wander straight to ‘where are they’, ‘who are they with’, ‘why don’t they want to talk to me’. Sometimes we forget that we are not the centre of anyone’s universe but our own. Chill out! Your own ego, insecurity and need for attention might be ruining your relationships. If this is happening in a long term relationship, or in a situation that looks like it might be serious, and it is genuinely affecting you. Talk to them, and I don’t mean via passive aggressive text messages. Tell them that it upsets you, let them help you to understand why it might be happening and work through it together. Healthy communication is the pillar of a strong relationship. Assumptions never do anyone any good.

They are not a ‘texter’

Some people just don’t like texting, or they don’t know how to communicate effectively via text based communication. This is completely understandable, there is no tone, no facial expressions, intent can be easily misconstrued (thank god for emoji’s). If that is a deal breaker for you, perhaps come to a compromise together. They will make sure to text back at least once a day, or alternatively put aside some time to speak to you on the phone or in person.

They forgot that they read your message.

I am absolutely guilty of this. Receive a message while at work, driving or out and file it in the ‘reply later’ section of my brain. Unfortunately, this is also seemingly the ‘delete’ section because 90% of the time I forget that I have ever read the message. If you’ve found yourself communicating with a serial forgetter, a gentle reminder to respond every now and then is okay.

They are playing mind games with you

This is what most people would like to believe when they are being ghosted or ignored. It shifts the blame from you to them, stops you from taking a moment to reflect inward. HOWEVER, there is a small portion of the time when this may actually be what is happening. If that’s the case. Don’t bother. It’s not worth your precious energy or time. Byeeeee.

They lost their thumbs in a tragic thumb accident

They haven’t learned to text with their toes yet.

They sold their phone for a sack of magic beans.