There are several pivotal points in any relationship that will test its endurance and indicate whether or not it is going to last. From meeting their friends, the first fart, living together, or realising that they have never watched the Simpsons, none will test your strength as a couple quite so much as travelling together. High stress, little sleep, hunger and new experiences tend to bring out the worst in people. You’ll swiftly discover whether or not you can deal with your partner when they turn into a jet-lagged, hangry temperamental echo of the person that you love. Here are 6 reasons why travelling together is the best test for your relationship.
Compatibility of fundamental values
Travelling together will help you to decide what you truly connect on, and whether your core values align. If your primary objective of lounging by the pool all day (cocktail in hand), makes your partner itch with boredom. While their idea of climbing the nearest mountain, sounds like of the 7th layer of hell to you, you may have yourselves a problem.
This incompatibility does not necessarily mean the doom of a relationship. So long as you are able to reach compromises together. Find activities you will both enjoy, or allow time apart to explore your own interests. Strict unwavering in this regard may be a red flag that you’re just not going to work out, which brings me to the next point.
Communication under stress
We tend to lash out when we are stressed. Calm and respectful communication is tantamount to a healthy relationship. You might find yourself in situations that you feel are the other person’s fault and wish to lay blame or lash out. However, it’s resisting the urge to do this and instead communicating openly and problem-solving as a team which will bring you together.
Let me give you an anecdote from my own experience travelling with my partner:
It’s 12 am, we have just finished a night safari in New Zealand, and we haven’t figured out how we are going to get home. We walk to the bus station and wait, and wait some more. 30 minutes pass and we realise, the bus is not coming. My partner turns to me and suggests that we start walking. I agree, and as we get no more than 5 minutes down the road, the bus zooms past, and we have missed it.
We now find ourselves faced with an hour and a half trek down a mountainside, and note at this point, neither of us have eaten dinner. Every step down this hill wearing stupid shoes only increases the ever-growing hangry rage boiling in us both. We eventually find ourselves back at the hotel with a single mission; eat something before we murder each other. We get into to car in search of a drive through (Spoiler alert: we were staying in the CBD, this was a stupid idea). After fruitlessly driving for another 15 minutes we drive the car back to the hotel and walk out into the cold, sniffing the air for any sign of food nearby.
At this point I’m so hungry I could lick the pavement. We reached the closest fast food place and I nearly cried as I read that it has closed, after some swift googling we almost ran to the next place. I swear a tear of joy crept out of my eye as we walked into the restaurant at 2 am. As I sat, finally placated and fed and watched my partner devour that burger like a starved wildebeest I realised, this is the one.
This was without a doubt an extremely high-stress situation that could have led to an argument or an opportunity to dole out blame. But we both (relatively) kept our cool, and it remains one of my favourite relationship stories.
Forced time together
Aside from holiday situations, couples will rarely find themselves spending extended periods of time with each other in close quarters. Autonomy and personal space are important in any relationship, but while travelling you’ll find yourselves stuck together with no means of escape. This is a great assessment to determine if you truly enjoy each other’s company for longer than a few hours at a time. When you take a person out of their natural habitat, it is a test of their ability to adapt to new situations. Will they crack under pressure, or do they keep a cool head? It’s a time for you to decide whether your partner’s quirks or endearing or deal breaking.
Shared Problem solving
If you have had a travelling experience where not a single thing has gone wrong, congratulations, you’ve won the holiday lottery! For the rest of us mere mortals, we know that regardless of how well planned, or painstakingly organised you are, something somewhere is going to go wrong. Cars break down, flights are delayed, or you find yourselves lost in a foreign country. It’s these moments that can define how you problem solve as a couple. Can you come to a shared agreement on the best course of action or will you disagree until the situation dissolves into a fight? Solving problems together and feeling satisfied with the outcome can bring you closer as a couple, and also grant insight into how you might solve problems together further down the track.
You challenge each other’s limits
This is the time to try new things together and to test each other’s limits. Foreign experiences will allow you to learn what is and what is not for you. You might find yourself yelling ‘AGAIN!’ after zip lining through a forest, or maybe you’ll be in the foetal position crying ‘never again’. New experiences together let us learn things about our partner we might never have had to opportunity to learn otherwise. You’ve discovered they hated zip lining? Better cross skydive voucher off the list of potential Christmas gifts. New and exciting experiences, even terrifying ones give you a shared bond that you’ll always have together.
And Finally
Hotel sex = incredible
