When you hear the words BDSM/Kink it probably conjure up vivid images: whips and chains, leather and latex, or images of a chubby guy named The Gimp yanking on his leash as he hungrily eyes Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction.

BDSM encompasses a whole bunch of different practice; the B&D: stands for Bondage and Discipline; D&S: stands for Dominance and Submission; S&M, stands for Sadism and Masochism, and it is often referred to as “kink”.

It’s common to assume that sadism-and-masochism enthusiasts are at best unusual or shocking and at worst downright depraved. But are they really? Well, The Gimp in Pulp Fiction certainly is — living in a locked crate in the basement of a pawnshop will do that to you. M&S is about pain, administered with care and skill, which will stir all sorts of impulses pumping your endorphins that give you the same high that sport people will sometimes feel.

Research does suggest that BDSM/Kink enthusiasts differ from “normal” people in two ways: They have higher levels of education and tend to be very creative. BDSM/Kink is also more common than you probably think; experts estimate one in five couples dabble, and one in 20 engage in very serious play.

People sometimes think that those who practice BDSM are emotionally scared or were once abused; it’s not true it’s a myth. People who are involved with BDSM come from all walks of life, doctors, bosses, lawyers, bus drivers, nurses, they are you and I. There’s a lot of people you might know who are doing BDSM and you may not know it.

Debby Herbenick, a sexual health educator at the Kinsey Institute and author of ‘Sex Made Easy’, says that BDSM is a huge umbrella term for a wide range of activities. “It’s important to understand that there are so many different ways of engaging in BDSM play, from the fuzzy handcuffs you can buy at a women-oriented sex boutique to the more extreme sexual dungeon set-up,” she says. “Even if you are just using one device, like a flogger, there are so many different ways to use it. Some may stroke a partner with it while another person will really whip them with it.”

Nan Wise, a sex therapist and neuroscientist who studies the brain at orgasm, agrees. “Nature loves diversity and society abhors it. There are many, many ways that people are wired for pleasure. We all have unique erotic fingerprints.”

Overall, the science to date, though limited, suggests BDSM is not, as many see it, wrong or dangerous, but rather one of the natural variations found in the complex world of human sexuality.

Basically, BDSM/Kink just means people who enjoy, power play, the combination of pleasure and pain, fetishism, or anything outside what we consider the mainstream idea of sex, done in a safe, consensual, non-abrasive manner and in an erotic context.

Lets try to understand why some folks engage in BDSM/Kink and why now it has become a hot phenomenon. As a matter of fact, the book 50 Shades of Grey has allowed more people to talk about BDSM and it has allowed many couples to explore non-traditional roles of sex. This book has captured the imagination of a huge segment of our society that hasn’t thought about this kind of sex or talked openly about it before. It has give some people a language to talk about sex, ask questions, explore different fantasies and know that those fantasies are okay.

Couples enjoy BDSM/Kink in part because it lets them explore new roles and push their boundaries as far as they want resulting in exhilarating release from the routine. It can also solidify a strong foundation of trust and honesty.

What is interesting about BDSM/Kink lifestyle is that it allows for an exploration into what you are not in your real life. For example a boss, who has to be decisive, strong and in charge, has a chance to explore his other side – to be submissive. BDSM provides this opportunity in relationships, to role-play and explore the very opposite of who they are in real life.

A D&S relationship puts in play a chance for someone to become the dominant in the relationship and explore aspects of themselves that are always dormant in real life. In general women are taught to be passive, to not be pushy, not be aggressive, follow your partner’s lead. This is the message we get as women from society, at what it take to be this feminine being. Therefore role-playing the dominant role in the bedroom for a woman can be quite liberating. It gives the woman an avenue to express a part of herself that isn’t normally nurtured. It’s basically moving away from the social norm of Male – dominate and Female – submissive.

If you think you have little interest in BDSM/Kink yourself, take a closer look at your sex life. Behind closed doors do you tie your husbands wrists against the bed, or tug on hair, bit, scratch, like a bit of erotic spanking and use blindfolds? Got news for you, those are milder ways of expressing desires that eventually lead some people to devote closet room to studded leather, whips and chains and eventually some house space for a dungeon.

Some of us have fetishes that tend to be a focus or an obsession if you like, to the point that that obsession can be the element that you need in order to be aroused or have an orgasm. Examples are foot fetish, shoe fetish, boob fetish, ass fetish, and leather fetish.

For some couples it’s clear early on that they want to explore further in the area of BDSM and for others it a bit tricky to figure out. One way to take off the pressure is to rent or download a movie to introduce you to the subject. Start with ‘The Secretary’ and read ‘50 Shades of Grey’ and soon watch the movie. As you do, point out what turns you on and build from there.

There’s a big misconception that if you’re in BDSM, it’ll become a major part of your life and you’ll move away from regular vanilla sex. It doesn’t have to be; it’ll be part of your sex life but hardly the only part, unless of course you wish it to be more than that.

Erotic power exchange can take any shape or form within a relationship. From little things like blindfolding her when making love to anything like 24hrs a day, 7 days a week servitude. The shape it takes depends on preferences on the couple involved.

BDSM/Kink is always changing, always pushing and always pulling. What makes BDSM different is what it requires; it requires a very sound, honest and sincere relationship, intense and open communication, trust, a lot of mutual understanding, an open mind, lots of love and care and a fair bit of creativity.

Remember that the mantra for BDSM is safe, sane and consensual, with an emphasis on consensual. Therefore to make this a fun part of your sexual exploration, establish some simple rules.

1. Establish a ‘safeword’, that means stop everything.
2. Keep a few things handy, scissors in case you need to get loose quickly.
3. Pay attention, use common sense and move slowly.

The world of BDSM/Kink is still considered taboo and most people keep to themselves, which means anyone around you could be leading a double existence.

Final words on the subject, BDSM/Kink only shows how human sexuality is inherently bizarre and endlessly complex and fun.

Watch Laci Green talk about the subject: