Lavish me with attention but don’t stifle me, acknowledge my equality but treat me like a lady. Express your feelings but don’t be soft. Have a healthy sex drive but suppress it around others. Want me desperately unless I’ve got a headache, would prefer a back rub, or generally don’t think you deserve it.

Now ladies we know it’s a woman’s prerogative to be a little unpredictable but have you considered the consequences of the modern woman’s current position of power and relationship expectations?

Although most guys these days are comfortable with the concept of a woman who runs her own business, pays for her date, asks for sex and still has time to cook, clean and knit her vibrator collection a winter warmer set, it’s getting increasingly difficult for the average guy to know where he stands, sits or for that matter lies with the modern girl.

You see its not that he can’t or won’t do what it takes to make her happy, it’s simply that she keeps changing her mind as to what exactly that is, and the reason she keeps doing that is because the role of a guy has changed so much no one knows what he is supposed to be any more… least of all him.

The big problem with the shifting attitudes to men, relationships and dating, perpetuated and aggravated of course by the media, is that it has left many wonderful guys unnoticed, invisible, misunderstood or wrongly labelled simply because they don’t know where to begin in their efforts to impress or stand out. The modern miss has seen, heard and can do it all for herself, so what’s left for the ‘good ol fashioned bloke’ to do to catch her eye and win her heart?

It was not so long ago that a healthy portion of dinosaur meat would suffice in the wooing stakes, but the invention of farming and eventually the fridge put the kybosh on meat tray marriages. Suddenly that wiley woman of the world figured her stock had risen as the male household position of ‘skilled hunter’ became less relevant. You see man had slipped down the ‘useful’ pole to become just an additional large messy child who occasionally opened jars and hung Christmas lights.

As civilisation gained a hold and one by one male roles were taken by women or inventions, Man had to think fast. What could he do to remain needed and wanted by the woman? In a moment of genius man invented the Victorian era. A wonderful time of ideals and order run almost entirely for men by men. Through stifled education and quotes from the bible he convinced the ‘little woman’ it was Gods will. It was hard to dispute God back then and since the church was run entirely by men who would back up the idea enthusiastically it seemed like the ideal solution. Man could now claim even if he was no longer needed to hunt, he was invaluable for the protection of more noble and etheric qualities such as her good character, her honour and her chastity. Of course chasing off cads and ‘looking after’ the fairer sex, by playing on that wonderful female trait, low self esteem, was something most jolly good chaps were more than happy to do. And for a few hundred years it worked just fine until women caught on that in general men were indeed ghastly bounders more intent on satisfying their beastly carnal desires than protecting them or any of God’s laws.

Furious at being conned again woman rose up and burnt her bra, although I’m not sure that this wasn’t a man’s idea. So a new era was born in which women started burning more, learning more and earning more, and the hand man had dealt himself started to crumble as women simply refused to play cards with him anymore. Now she was going to make up her own game and play by her rules. She realised not only was she equal to man, but in fact at this point in time it had come full circle. Man couldn’t live without her and not visa versa.

Pretty soon man realised he was inventing himself out of existence as magical places like supermarkets shot up where even the weakest person with absolutely no map reading skills could still hunt successfully without breaking a nail. Horseless chariots whisked her from place to place with nair a man in site. Organised police forces kept her safe as she shopped day and night thanks to the electric light and her handbag now contained a long list of prodding, paying, vibrating and spraying devices designed to supersede even the most intimate services of mortal man.

A woman’s life would never be the same again. She could do what she liked, be what she wanted, play with the big boys or girls and still be home in time for tea, scones and an episode of Desperate Housewives with her best mate should the mood take her.

But at this joyous point in womankind’s evolution begins a tale of woe for the average Joe. Have you ever wondered ladies where have all the good guys gone? Have you gone out with idiot after idiot who just don’t match up to what you ‘want’. Because lets face it a woman no longer ‘needs’ anything it is all about what she wants.

Well spare a thought for the guy that was good at hunting, who you once would have needed to feed your family, or the guy that was good at protecting, who you once would have needed for the security of your home. Or for all the guys out there who have been built over millions of years to perform tasks that a female in years gone by would have found invaluable in exchange for her love and affection. You see men are good at a lot of things, just not necessarily things that matter much anymore to you. Many guys these days feel literally useless, which is a really bad thing when a good portion of a man’s self worth is based on how he sees his worldly worth.

Men are no longer needed to fight or protect what’s theirs, they have no higher mission or divine goal like their forefathers, no great battle or evil to overcome nor scourge like famine hunger or plague to rally their strength, gird their loins and repel. There is not one single task that women can’t do or get done for themselves with the help of a phone and the yellow pages.

The ‘essential’ role of men to many women these days has been reduced to two things. The unobtainable fantasy guy like a movie star, rock star and faultless knight in shining armour she dreams about sweeping her off her more than capable feet. And the handbag, a guy who’s worth is more about how fresh his hair gel, cool his car or open his wallet is. No longer needed for anything of substance men are becoming more superficial in order to keep up with what the opposite sex wants. Playing a charade they can’t keep up and ultimately letting you down as they reveal their true colours.

But if you have ever wondered where all the real good guys have gone, take another look. I guarantee you their will be a good guy right under your nose that you haven’t notice yet. He may be a little confused as to what you or society wants from him. He’s a little unsure how to get to know you and a little anxious about how to live up to your expectations. But show him he has worth in this world, let him be him, and he’ll likely love you forever if you let him.