The first date between two people can be nerve-wracking enough, but the first meeting between you and someone you have specifically contacted in order to (hopefully) get down and dirty with is another story entirely. However, your first meeting with another couple or single shouldn’t be a traumatic affair at all. If all parties decide early on what you are, or are not, prepared to do on the first meet, then you are not likely to end up anxious, frustrated or disappointed. Here are some basic points to keep in mind when organising the first date.

My Place or Yours?

Unless you are absolutely comfortable with the idea (or have a morbid fear of going out in public), it is probably prudent not to invite your date to meet at your own place, or theirs, for that matter. It’s fairly unlikely that you will have the misfortune of meeting an axe-murderer, but it pays to exercise caution and discretion. After all, you always have the option of inviting your date back to your place after meeting them at a public venue, whereas it may be difficult to ask people to leave your house, if you don’t fancy them. Of course, if you are absolutely adamant that the first meet should be at your house, or vice versa, then we suggest taking precautions, particularly if you are a single.

Meeting in Public

First dates shouldn’t just be about checking out the physicality of the person you’re meeting. You should ideally use the meeting to determine the character of the person as well. Trust, honesty and discretion are factors that should be taken into account before responding to pure physical attraction.
Given that, you should choose a public venue that will allow you to have a decent conversation. Going to a late-night pub with a Red Hot Chilli Pepper cover band blaring in the background isn’t going to be conducive to getting to know each other. Hotel bars are fairly ideal for first meets. Most provide spacious lounge areas where you can have racy chats without prying eyes and ears of neighbouring tables to worry about. Drinks or coffee dates in the evenings are probably the best way to start, although some people may prefer to meet during the day. Keeping your first date at a drinks/coffee level also gives you a chance to leave after a reasonable time if things aren’t going smoothly. It isn’t very nice to blatantly lie, but most people wouldn’t accuse you of being rude if you say that you have things to do and need to move on.

Honesty is the Best Policy

Your first date with an adult contact shouldn’t be any different to a date you would go on romantically. You shouldn’t assume that your date will ‘put out’ and if you don’t have any intention of contacting that person again, then it’s best not to feed the ‘we’ll call you’ line, as much as it seems like the right thing to say. Similarly, if you think you’d like to meet again socially before taking things further, then let that person know. No one can read minds and you shouldn’t rely on signals.

Help! I Said No!

Respect should be the key word in the game of meeting people for sexual fun. You shouldn’t bully or coerce someone into doing something that they don’t want to do. Some people may be naturally shy but there is a fine line between giving a gentle nudge in the right direction, and pushing your own desires onto a person who probably prefers to go at a slower pace. If your attitude towards sex differs significantly, then you are probably not compatible with your date.
In contrast, if your date is coming across too strong and you experience difficulty in getting the word ‘no’ through, then it’s a good idea to take a polite but assertive stance. Explain that it was nice to meet him/her/them, but you have a different view on how adults should conduct themselves sexually, and socially.

Doing it On the First Date

OK. You’re having a seriously good time. You like the looks of each other. Any more chemistry between you both and they’ll be awarding the Nobel Prize to you. Well go for it! No one’s going to not respect you in the morning for seizing the moment. You’re there to explore your sexuality, not to meet your life partner.
If you’re comfortable (and eager), then you may wish to invite your date back to your place for some unbridled fun. You can also go to their place but if you’re on the guarded side about your personal life (and understandably so), you may prefer to get a room at a hotel or motel. That way, you can be as frantic and adventurous as you want and you don’t have to clean up the next morning!

Next Time?

You may have made the concerted decision not to play on the first date, even though you would like to get things on with the other person at some stage later. If this is the case, then let your date know and arrange another meeting accordingly. If you’re unsure about doing anything sexual, then decide whether you would like to maintain social contact for a while longer and keep your date informed.
For those who let loose on the first date, it’s up to you whether you wish to repeat the experience. Some people are only seeking one-night stands, but that preference should ideally be mentioned before progressing to the bedroom. It’s just a matter of courtesy since some people prefer an ongoing play relationship that is based on fun and friendship. At the end of the day, do to others as you would have unto yourself, and you’re guaranteed to have a great start to the world of recreational sex.