A while ago Bessie and I heard about a tantric sex workshop that actually included a one hour private session with someone of the auspicious title, ‘tantric sex goddess’. Well my curiosity got the better of me so I booked myself in for a session.

Now I have perhaps done more than my fair share of research into the sensual arts department, not least as research for my books. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it! But Tantric sex had always seemed a little like hard work to me. Sure I had read the books and done the breathing practice and being an avid meditater I got the concept (or so I thought), but the truth is I just felt a little bit silly doing it! Like I was in some bad 1970 porno movie. You know the kind they made to get around the censors, where no one actually gets to see or touch anything. Just lots of corny looking in eyes and panting – Booo boring!

It also seemed like hard work. I realise just sitting breathing shouldn’t be hard work, but the effort involved in not slipping into your old sexual thought patterns and not feeling like a total tosser were in fact great. So all in all, my experiences to date were a disappointment.

When I got to the ‘goddesses’ house I was pleasantly relieved to find she was rather attractive. No problems here I thought. This could be fun. The room was covered in candles and cloth drapey things, much as you would expect, and there was the obligatory incense burning in the corner.

I was asked to remove my clothing and slip into the slightest piece of muslin draped over my bits as she proceeded to don the same.

She then positioned me on the floor about as close as we could get without touching. Now sitting in a very intimate, situe with an attractive semi naked ‘sex goddess’ might sound like fun but the work had only just begun. She instructs me on the moving of energy around the body and the importance of breath. Placing my hand over her heart and genitals, she did the same, breathing in rhythm together.

It was all very weird at first, it seemed half my body was screaming ‘You look like a totally nut job. Enough already with the touchy feely. Am I gonna get some or not.’ While the other half was frantically trying to count breaths, visualise the movement of energy, focus on her eyes and all the various other stuff she had ‘commanded’ me to do.

It didn’t take long though before my normal thoughts, that had been so vocal in their critique, started to quiet and to my amazement I began to feel a weird sense of flow. As if all the usual sexual energy that builds up in your groin had been taken out of my lower half and spread around my whole body like a warm tingling blanket.

It was rather incredible. The more I felt these unique sensations, the more I let go of my preconceived ideas, and the more absorbing the sensations became.

Over the course of an hour she moved through several increasingly more intimate positions, yet with such calm restrain and focused energy it was an entirely different feeling to what my brain would usually label sexual.

By the end I felt amazing. Energized and relaxed, surprisingly un-frustrated considering we never really touched, and just a little silly that I had let my childish preconceived ideas keep me from such a great experience for so long.

So if you’re looking for a little more from your sex life or in fact any part of your life, since Tantra was actually created to enhance all pleasurable physical emotions, not just sex, then I highly recommend you step out of your comfort zones and give it a go. Don’t by a DVD or book – Get some proper instruction at a workshop and you’ll be amazed at your new outlook on yourself, your partner, your sensuality and the world in general after it.

1 – Set up the room as a sacred love space

Yes this sounds corny but it really is hard to find your inner love god or goddess when the big game is playing in the background and there is a pile of dirty washing on the floor. Commit to making this hour or two different in EVERY way from all others in your day. Candles, curtains, lights, music, scents. It may seem like hard work, especially for the guys, but the idea is to shift your perception out of the mundane and elevate your senses to the next level of pleasure, and that has got to be worth the effort.

2 – Open the eyes

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. So use them. It might feel weird at first since in the west we are taught not to stare, but just suck it up. It really is worth it to step out of your comfort zone every now and then. Lie next to your partner, both naked and gently gaze into the others eyes. Make sure your gaze is gentle, soft and not intrusive. Look deep within, past all the persona or judgements built up over the years to the true core, the loving vulnerable soul who has chosen you to be their partner. The idea is to imagine the physical ‘disappearing’ from thought while still connecting with the REAL them. It’s VERY powerful when you let go of your natural fear of intimacy that holds most people back from this kind of connection

3- Touch

Explore without touching. Imagine a warm energy in the gap between your hands and your partner’s skin and just hold yourself over sensual areas without any physical touch. Imagine that the energy from these areas is being breathed in an out of your body through your connection. This can be REALLY frustrating at first. But if you let it go and enjoy the experience it gets very intense.

4 – The breath

Often as climax approaches the breath speeds up and becomes more shallow. Special Tantric breathing techniques can spread the energy and extend and heighten sexual pleasure resulting in far longer and more intense time in the big ‘O’ ZONE! For the beginner: practice deeper slow breathing. Imagine you are sucking the energy from your genitals and spreading it around you or through to your partner. Also try breathing in sync. This helps to get you more relaxed and stay focused in the present.

5 – Stopping

Remember it’s all about pleasure not just getting the job done in time to watch Rove! Stopping during lovemaking can be an exhilarating experience. When you feel things heighten, stop! Return to the moment, breathe in sync, look into each others eyes and feel the waves of deep pleasure pulsating throughout your body.

6 – Vocalise

They also teach that the strength and length of an orgasm is affected by the volume of noise you can put out As climax approaches inhale as slowly as you can for as long as you are able. Then release the breath with as much sound as you can. The build up to climax will last as long as you can inhale and your orgasm will last the length of your scream. So get those lungs pumping and enjoy the thought that everyone in your neighbourhood will now be wondering what the hell you are doing!