The element of excitement, of novelty and exploration will be a driving force throughout anyone’s life journey; the only difference is where we find it.

With some couples they find it in the playground of the swinger’s world or the lifestyle.

Opening your relationship to this lifestyle will bring along challenges, one such challenge is learning how jealousy fits into this kind of relationship.
If you’re going to be in the lifestyle, you have to figure out how you’re going to deal with this strong emotion out in the open. Once you learn how to deal with it, it will make your connection stronger.

Everyone deals with it differently, but the most important and freeing factor about dealing with this emotion is the evolution it allows you to experience. From jealous, turbulent feelings you progress into compersion.

Below are the 6 steps of this development.

1.  Almost everyone gets jealous in various degrees – It’s really ok!

Jealousy is that heavy feeling that grabs you when you think about your partner getting frisky or sharing a connection with someone else other than you. It’s an emotion not strange to the majority of us. There are some people who claim to not feeling jealousy, but for the majority of us, jealousy is an emotion we are all too familiar with.

Jealousy is good. Jealousy means you care. It’s not about whether you feel jealous, but how you channel that feeling.
Some channel it into anger, some feel resentful, and some lucky ones feel excited.
To keep this emotion in check, you first need to recognise and admit that you feel jealous, so it doesn’t sneak up on you at the worst time.
Ironically, a small part of jealousy sits comfortably with feelings of excitement. It reiterates those feelings you had before you settled down, the sweat-bitter feeling that you might lose your love interest to another. The driving force to keep you on your toes and try your best to prove you are the ‘better choice’. In a nutshell, the conquest game all over again, hence the appeal of the lifestyle.

2.  Darker side of jealousy is often hiding other bigger issues

Take time to assess why you are feeling jealous. The problem with jealousy is that it masks other feelings and attitudes that are even more hurtful to us and those closest to us. Jealousy can be shielding deep-seated feelings of possessiveness, insecurity or shame formed by bad experiences in the past.
Being able to recognise these in yourself can help you work through feelings of jealousy when they do arise. Understanding the roots, triggers and reasons for our feelings of jealousy is an important part of maintaining a healthy relationship, monogamous or not.

We can act against the thoughts that tell us to be suspicious, mistrusting and accusatory and in the long run it will strengthen you as an individual and improve your trust and communication with your partner.
3. Do you get turned-on by watching your partner with someone else?

    Apparently, there’s a term for it, it’s called COMPERSION.

Compersion is such a new concept, that it needs explaining…

Compersion means the feeling of being turned-on or excited for your partner when they have a good time with someone else other than you.

Yep, it’s a real thing!

Most people don’t feel compersion automatically, because we are just not conditioned for it, it’s not something we’re socialized to feel. We are taught that jealousy is a natural response of loving someone and possession is an expression of passion.

Compersion is contrary to how we view relationships and expect to operate in them. We are raised to believe that when we are one half of a couple, we should derive all our happiness and pleasure from that single partner and only experience it together with that partner. Compersion challenges this ideology.

Compersion is about acknowledging your partner’s separate needs, desires and sexual experiences. This will strengthen your relationship. Prehaps, a vast majority of you have experienced compersion many times and it’s a great feeling. This amazing feeling could possibly explain why so many couples are into hotwife and cuckold fantasies.

4.   Can anyone attain compersion?

It’s not for everyone, but most people can have that feeling if they communicate properly.

It’s a gradual process, with lots of honest and open communication with your partner.

First identify why you feel jealous. What are its roots and triggers. Once you identified them you can stop them from taking control. Most importantly, keep communicating with each other. Express your feelings and tell them when you are feeling jealous. Expressing your feeling of jealousy early is better than letting them fester. An understanding partner knows that compersion is achieved through time and lots of talk. By giving it a go, you could open your heart to many happy and interesting possibilities.

5.    Expect a fluctuation between Jealousy and compersion

Just because you felt compersion once, it doesn’t mean you have melted away feelings of jealousy forever. It takes time; you need to feel confident in yourself and your relationship. It’s important to remember that this is a journey and not a race.

It’s important to remember this, if you are feeling something that means it’s real, it doesn’t mean you’re allowed to act however you want. Bursts of jealous rage, or any other unacceptable behaviour in front of other people who are not at fault is not acceptable.

6.    Communication invalidates jealousy

Communication is the premise of non-monogamous relationships, in part because if there isn’t transparency in these relationships it will head to collision.
If you start feeling jealous communicate this to your partner so it doesn’t fester into bigger emotions of resentment and anger.
Also in conjunction to expressing yourself in a relationship is listening, actively and openly, without judgement or interruption.

How do you deal with your feelings of jealousy? Please share with us in the comments section below.

What actually happens in a swingers club?

Our friends and super-cool, naughty couple Lawrence and Jess who own the Sydney swingers club “Our Secret Spot’. Spoke with The Triple M Grill Team recently and discussed how the swinging lifestyle actually works.

It should go without saying, these guys know what they are talking about. They have become a bit of a swinging celebrity in Australia, and have traveled the world and visited the biggest and best swingers clubs in Europe, the US and Canada.

Check out the interview podcast below:

Whether you’re a Sydney resident or visiting Sydney, don’t miss the opportunity to go down to Our Secret Spot swingers club in Sydney and meet Lawrence & Jess in person, and experience the hottest swingers club in Australia.

Ever wondered if any of your neighbors are swingers?

Have some of your neighbours been sending vibes, signs or clues that communicate something familiar?

Whether it’s their body language, their carefree nature or the little things they do and wear; sends your ‘radar’  into full alert.

With swinging becoming more mainstream, there is a high percentage that at least one of your neighbours are practicing swingers and a few more curious about it.

If somehow you sense that you might be in the presence of a swinger, you need to figure out different ways you can confirm your suspicion

Here is a list of top 20 signs ( inspired by reddit users ) that may indicate your neighbours are swingers.

1. All their friends are couples, and when they talk about them, they only mention them by their first names “Bob and Diane”or “Joe and Sally”, but don’t  know their last name.

2. They regularly attend costume parties, and it’s not even Halloween.

3. They only go out partying on Friday and Saturday nights, and they do it often.

4. When asked which club they went to, they don’t seem to remember the name of it.

5. The wife wears a coat over her dress when she is leaving the house to go out, even during the summer.

6. When they have parties at their house, all their guests are couples, show up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags and don’t leave until Sunday afternoon.

7. All the couples they hang out with, the wives are gorgeous looking, busty and dress provocatively.

8. They go on holidays or weekend getaways often, and they do not have a lot of pictures to share.

9. They are happier and more youthful than all the other neighbours on your street.

10. Depending on your overall appearance, they may have unintentionally flirted with you once or twice.

11.  They talk about meeting a ‘couple’ for dinner.

12. They stop coming to the neighborhood block parties because they always have “other plans” on Saturday nights.

13. They are constantly encouraging their kids to spend the weekend at friends’ houses.

14. When you ask about their spa they talk about it as though it’s a necessity and not a luxury.

15. They travel all over the world and have ‘friends of friends’ that guarantee them free accommodation.

16. They come back from holidays and they have a tan, but no tan lines. Suntanning in the nude in their backyard is something they assume everyone does.
17. On Mondays they are all smiles and giggles about what went down over the weekend.

18. They look like they are newlyweds, yet they have been together a quarter of century.

19. You’ve had a few lost ‘strangers’, knocking at your door asking for “2horneyup4fun’

20.  Show this list to your neighbours and if they laugh, your neighbours might be swingers .

Some or all of these signs, are good a indication that your neighbours are swingers.

Feel free to add more in the comments at the end of the article. 

WOW! That is the only way to describe Naughty in N’awlins 2016.

The RedHotPie/Aussie Swingers contingent came, saw and conquered (or more accurately, saw, conquered and came) at the largest Lifestyle convention in the world.

Never heard of it? You have now!

For 18 years now, French Connection Events have been running Naughty in N’awlins, a lifestyle convention in the incredible city of New Orleans. This year was the biggest ever and saw over 2100 + sexy people descend on the Astor Crowne Plaza for 5 days of not only the most epic parties and sexy playrooms, but seminars, workshops and education.

So big was the convention this year, that an additional 200 rooms were secured at a hotel across the road and many other late bookers had to reserve rooms at other neighbouring hotels.

Our incredible group of Aussies were a real hit with everyone at the convention and everyone made many new friends both in and outside of the bedroom. Everyone loves an Aussie and our group also included couples from the US who wanted to travel with us to join in the fun. The RedHotPie/Aussie Swingers gift bag was the envy of everyone at the convention…

It included RedHotPie bikinis, boxers, lip balm, bottle opener, Aussie Swingers condoms, lube, beads, vibrator, name necklaces and pasties, Our Secret Spot temporary tattoos and glow in the dark slap bands, a tank top from The Swinger Cruise and a great beach bag from SexyAdultVacations.com. We thank all our incredible sponsors who provided this killer ‘swag’ and made our presence known.

Hear about it on our podcast 24, 25 and 26. Subscribe in iTunes or simply listen on our website.

I ask you, if you are in the Lifestyle or just curious, when was the last time you participated in Lifestyle education?

I know before we began travelling to these events, we hadn’t explored some of the most important and fundamental aspects of the Lifestyle. As a couple, we sometimes get in a comfort zone or sexual rut and we love being challenged by other people’s thoughts and opinions and even from this convention, there were things we thought we’d never be interested in but have now decided we’d like to explore more.

Some of the over 40 seminars included:

– How to Politely Say No

– G-spot Orgasms & Prostate Pleasure

– Basic Rope Bondage Technique

– Not All Women Are Bi and Not All Men Are Straight

– Overcoming Jealousy and Fears

– Domination/Submission as Therapy

– The Art of Touch and Non Verbal Communication

– How to Throw a Lifestyle Party

The most liberating thing about Naughty in N’awlins is that as Aussies, you can live the Lifestyle openly for a week without any fear of being found out, which is often something we can’t do back home. The closest you can really come to doing this here is Passion in Paradise run by Kat Parties (it’s a sell out every year!).

We are pleased to announce we will be returning to Naughty in N’awlins in 2017 (click for more details about what to expect!). We already have a number couples booked to join us next year. We’d love you to join us too and be part of this amazing event once again! It is a long way to go, we get it, but if you can make it part of a longer vacation and visit some other parts of the US or Mexico it can be worth the travel. Work on bumping up your frequent flyer points for it and reduce the cost of flights.

Now I want to clear up exactly who would benefit and enjoy this convention. It is a Lifestyle convention, meaning people who enjoy alternate sexual lifestyles or people who are sex positive, sexually open minded, people who are curious about different sexual preferences, those into kink, Swinger, voyeurs, exhibitionists and everyone in between.

Read more about it on The Aussie Swingers website or email us on our RedHotPie profile for more information.

How are real estate and swinging/alternate lifestyles linked you ask?

It all comes down to relationship “fixes”. There are no quick or easy fixes but buying a new house, having a baby or looking into swinging or any type of lifestyle change are just a few relationship fixes that many people try in order to save a relationship in trouble.  They usually end in destroying it with the only one’s winning being the real estate agents and lawyers when divorce time comes.

None of these things are going to fix a relationship in fact unless your relationship is rock solid you shouldn’t even consider any of them.  I’ve been in both real estate and counselling for over 15 years and see the damage done time and time again.

So let’s take a closer look at what you need to consider when thinking about swinging or opening up your relationship to involve other people in any way

Do get on the same page

Consider your motivation and how you are going to bring it up with your partner, you are going to want to make them feel good about it not that they are not good enough. Deal with all your concerns and hesitations upfront no matter how small or insignificant they might seem.  Guys this will involve a lot of talking you may not deem necessary or like but it really is essential, so be patient.

Do your homework.

 

There are lots of ways to get information about alternative lifestyles, spend some time on the internet, go to a munch or two (alternative lifestyle friendly get togethers generally in ‘vanilla’ environments) and speak with other couples already in an alternative lifestyle, get things into perspective and re-evaluate based on what you learn.

Do go slow, agree to a trial period first with firm boundaries

 

Discuss Who/how/when/where will meets be arranged and happen.
What sexual acts are OK for each person, think about group, swap or individual scenarios.
Try some low expectation / low pressure environments like a house party, drinks with a couple or go to a classy club first.

Do walk through some what-if scenarios, separately and together

 

Be prepared to deal with it if it doesn’t work out. A good way to do this might be to go through some ‘what if’ scenarios like:
What if my partner gets jealous.
What if I go through with it and my partner doesn’t.
What if one partner is attracted to someone else on a deeper level.
What if one or both has a bad experience.

It’s  good to have an idea of how you might react.

Don’t use non-monogamy as a way to delay breaking up

If your relationship is not going well and you are fighting now just isn’t the time, get some help to work out your issues before even considering it as this won’t  fix a thing.

Use as a crutch to prolong ending a relationship that you know isn’t working and you are considering breaking up, you have to close one door to allow other doors to be open to you.

My way or the highway just isn’t going to work here, you need to be flexible and really consider your partners point of view, boundaries and thoughts on your relationship and what is and isn’t going to work, they may be very different from yours.

Break any agreed rules or lie about what you are doing, trust me it will not end well.

 

Final words on the matter:

Forget location, location, location and think communication, communication, communication.  Alternative lifestyles take work, time and must be a team effort.  Respect each other as well as protecting your main relationship. This must be your top priority.  If the experience is not enhancing your relationship then it just shouldn’t be a part of it.  Some things may just need to remain fantasies. Often fantasies don’t turn out as well as you might imagine in reality, so be prepared.  Life isn’t like porn, so always keep it real.

There are professionals that are ‘lifestyle’ friendly.  Consider seeing someone who can facilitate the discussion and decision process and maybe check in with from time to time to make sure things really are what you perceive them to be.

Most of all have fun, try new things and use the lifestyle to grow as a couple.

Have anything else to add? Tell us in the comments section below!

The wonderful thing about spring is that unlike New Year – probably the worst day of the year to be making life decisions – nature’s rhythms are on your side, meaning you actually do have more resolve, energy and willpower this time of year.

So rather than looking for inspiration at the bottom of another glass of punch, stuffed full of turkey and melting into a puddle of 98% proof perspiration, let’s put to use this natural alarm clock as it kicks into high gear all your favourite hormones and sensations, frisky, fertile and full of life.

A SEXY FUTURE
Great relationships, amazing moments, wild sex and exciting experiences take more than just luck – you have to be ready for them when they do come knocking on your door. So the first thing to do is to make room for the new with a big spring clean…and I mean BIG!

Yes, every year I put aside a whole weekend dedicated to cleaning everything out. Not just the obvious like winter clothes, junk food from the fridge and dirty mags under the bed – his side of course – but anything that is not conducive to the ushering in of a new improved you. Things like names in your phone book of people who don’t make your life better, email addresses and files on your computer you no longer use and habits you may have fallen into over winter you would be better off without.

Think about it. It makes perfect sense. How can you be open to a great new relationship, wild and sexy experiences, exciting new careers or wonderful new friends if you’re wasting your efforts maintaining and moaning about the old ones? Places like RHP are ripe with opportunity, new beginnings and potential if you make the effort to use them. There are literally thousands of people out there and thousands of ways to make contact from turning up at RHP parties to chatting online, messaging, dating, seminars, socialising, clubs, events and that’s just on this site!!! So make use of the incredible facilities you have access to and start to create a sexier future for yourself.

A SEXY FIGURE

The next thing that sprang to mind as I sat in the warm jasmine scented breeze typing the beginning of this column – with nothing on but a smile – was ‘Ohh my god! I’m not sure I’m quite ready to display my additional white winter whale meat outside these 4 walls and to the prying eyes of my neighbours cat.’

It’s very easy to forget in winter that your body is so much more than a thing to dress, wash and ignore every day. It is a living, breathing sex organ from the tip of your toes to that little spot on the back of your neck that makes you shiver when it’s kissed, and it’s important when nature calls to give it a chance to stretch its ‘sexy’ wings a few times a year, and that means getting back in shape.

From the ever so soft bits to the ever so hard, your body is the only thing standing between you and a good time. It’s your personal transportation and your private amusement park. So why settle for a beat up Ute and a merry-go-round when a drag racer and dream world are just a little effort and a few workouts away?

If you can muster the energy to get out of bed at some unpleasant hour to go to work for someone you don’t even really know, couldn’t you use just a little bit of that same willpower to do something for yourself and the lucky person who’s going to share that bod with you? You don’t have to be an Olympic athlete. Just walking every day is a great start, with some proper nutrition to power up the luvin machine.

A SEXY F@#K

With all this talk of hot new bodies in clean scrubbed houses, with no annoying negative friends and a great outlook on life it brings us back to the whole point of spring. Sex. Yes, the birds, bees, flowers and just about every living thing on god’s green Earth are frantically doing it! Uninhibited, unhindered, unrepentantly, without a care in the world. Nature is a great place to learn a thing or two about living, so how great would it be to step out this spring just like nature intended? With some sensual enthusiasm.

Just like clothing in Winter, many of us rug up our sensuality, desensitising ourselves from our own full range or sensual emotions. We over-censor our own feelings and start to lose that wonderful spontaneity that make us feel really alive. So this Spring, let’s try and reignite the areas of your brain and bod responsible for bringing you deep sexy satisfaction and watch how that awakening stimulates other areas of your life, like your well-being and self-confidence. Use it (or lose it). So here are 3 ways to re-nudge your ‘sexy’ synapses’ to get you feeling like a spring chicken in the sack again.

1) Make a list of everything you haven’t done sexually but have thought about. Now take a deep breath and resolve to take each thing to the next level. E.g if you have fantasised about threesomes, bi sex or a one night stand, hop online and chat with someone like it’s the real thing. Or if you have already done that, arrange a time to catch up and explore a little. Don’t forget the next step can be as simple as a drink, chat or phone call. So don’t panic but do take action. You’ll learn so much about yourself and have a whole slew of new experiences to draw on for the rest of your life.

2) Do the opposite. If you have lots of meaningless sex take some time to nurture a single relationship and discover the sexiness in that. Alternately if you are the quiet type, try a wild sexy one night stand. Challenge yourself to find the pleasure and excitement in the new experiences and feel new areas of your sexual brain spring fresh into life.

3) Be less judgemental. This applies to yourself as well as others. Start looking for the sexy in everyone, especially yourself. A fun game to play is to challenge yourself to find it even when it’s not obvious. Why? The #1 reason people have bad relationships is boredom, complacency and unrealistic expectations. After the initial rush we just go numb and forget that our partners are humans too. Don’t let numb brain cells kill your love life. By looking for the sexy you strengthen the connections that see novelty and sensuality in people and you awaken your body’s ability to experience heightened sexual experiences and deeper, more enjoyable long term connections.

Speaking about her 17 year marriage in a candid conversation with Sirius XM radio host Howard Stern, the actor also admitted she got married too young at the age of 25 — and advises her kids against it.

“Heck yeah! No, don’t do it,” she said.

“It did work out, but let me tell you: It worked out in a way that thank God I had a husband who’s a gangster partner. Taking that road from 25 to 44.

“Here’s the deal, Howard. You’ve gotta trust who you’re with. And at the end of the day, right, I’m not here to be anybody’s watcher. I’m not his watcher. He’s a grown man.”

The 43-year-old then gave her key piece of advice for making her marriage work.

“Here’s what I trust: The man that Will is … is a man of integrity. He’s got all the freedom in the world,” she said.
“As long as Will can look himself in the mirror and be okay — I’m good.

“Here’s what’s real: I’m not the kind of woman that believes a man is not going to be attracted to another woman.”

Source: news.com.au

Have you ever played in an open relationship? Would you like to? Let us know below!

A 58-year-old woman in Chesnee, U.S.A. called 911 because her 72-year old husband wanted her “to hook up with his sisters,” according to a Spartanburg County Sheriff’s report obtained by The Smoking Gun.

The woman, whose name has been redacted, told deputies that she and her husband had “some sex problems,” but that she not only does not want to hook up with her sisters-in-law, she wants them prohibited from coming to her house. The responding deputy wrote that he “explained the no trespass law.”

Also, in case this story wasn’t enough to dissuade you from bringing your family members into the bedroom. In September, a man in South Carolina allegedly assaulted his girlfriend during a three-way with the woman and her cousin.

The 911 lines in Spartanburg County must be jammed up with sex-related incidents.

Last week, a Spartanburg woman was allegedly having anal sex with her lover when the man’s wife barged in. According to a sheriff’s report, the first woman responded by attacking the wife.

Source: huffingtonpost.com

It is logical to assume then that there are a lot of different types of swingers;
Soft swap, Same Room Sex, Full Swap, Girl on Girl, Voyeurs/exhibitionists,
Kinksters, Role Playing/BDSM, Tight Schedule Swingers, Cuckold, Fetishists, Gang Bang, Ménage a Trois.

Some of these compliment each other and couples that are these types will have a great time together:
The Voyeur couples and the exhibitionist’s couple will most definitely enjoy each other. Great compatibility.
The Kinksters will find their perfect match with a BDSM couple; they can get up to a lot of mischief.
Couples looking for Same Room Sex are possibly compatible with couples seeking Girl on Girl play.
The Cuckold swinger couple would feel right at home with a Gang Bang or possibly with a Manage a Trois.
These are only a few examples.

Here are some tips for leading a successful swinging lifestyle.

1. The most important conversation to have is boundaries!

Be on the same page regarding what you want to do in a swinger sex session. Discuss your boundaries. It is extremely important to understand your wishes, wants and hopes for this lifestyle. Whether it is girl on girl, soft/full swap or a wild orgy. As you play and begin to build more trust and security, you’ll likely find that you relax those boundaries. It’s not cool to argue in front of others, they set out to have a good night, your short comings is not their fault.

2. Read thoroughly member profile descriptions!

Spend some time looking at the member’s profile to find the one you’d like to meet this weekend. However, go a bit deeper than looking at their pictures gallery only. Look at their sexual interests, fetish interests, and general interests, read section ‘in my own words’ and finally look at whether they’ve been verified. All these will give you a general idea of who and what they’re looking for.

3. Take time to write your sexual interests and revise them from time to time!

To avoid meeting someone with totally different expectations check that you have clearly stated what you are sexually looking for. What kind of swinger are you and whether you want to socialize a bit or go straight into it (Tight schedule Swinger). Remember there is no right or wrong only different kind of swingers with different kind of approaches trying to have fun. The very reason why profiles should clearly state interests and expectations is to increase success at swinging.

4. Use ‘DateFinder’ to cater for the mood or impulse on that day/night.

Another nifty feature on Redhotpie that will help in your ‘hunting’ success is DateFinder. There are days where our urges send us somewhere new. DateFinder lets you satisfy those on the moment urges. You’ll be surprised how many sexy horny people are up for some fun after coming back from a Fri night evening

Unless you are open to anything and nothing shocks or surprises you then dispense from reading any profile description. However, speaking for the general public it pays to know a bit more about your future date to ensure a happy and successful swinging lifestyle.

Let us hear of your awkward experiences in the swingers’ circle due to different expectations….

Or, why not check out what other members have to say on expectations in the member forums?
Expectations
Swinging vs Open Relationships

A lot of people immediately feel awkward or uncomfortable at the thought of meeting a couple where one partner is more enthusiastic than the other about swinging which is only natural. We’ve all heard stories about couples where one partner is gung-ho while the other has simply come along just to make up numbers. You know. The wife who sits quietly in the corner sipping soft drinks and avoiding eye contact while her husband shags the entire club? Or the hornbag girlfriend who can’t get enough while her man bows out after round one and seems more content tweeting on his iPhone? It just seems so wrong.

Or is it really that wrong? I get that we want to give a wide berth to couples where it’s blatantly obvious that one partner is completely against the idea of swinging but participates just to keep the peace. No one wants to get physical with people who aren’t really giving themselves to you willingly in lustful abandon. Neither does anyone want to be friends with someone who is selfish enough to ignore the well-being of their own partner in the name of getting their rocks off. But what if the couple you meet are terrifically great people who love each other deeply but just simply don’t swing with synchronised enthusiasm?

If you think about how one couple can often have mis-matched sex drives, it should really come as no surprise that differing libidos can affect how that couple plays in the swinging scene. The less highly sexed partner may still enjoy all the benefits of being in the lifestyle but doesn’t need to do much more than kiss and fondle a little to get their jollies. It often doesn’t have anything to with sexual attraction either as many people are turned on by their play partners but just don’t feel the need to play for a long time or in any intense way. That partner’s sex drive may also differ from month to month and due to factors such as stress and even self-esteem (eg – he or she may feel less sexy with winter weight on). Does that mean such couples shouldn’t participate in the scene at all?

As a couple who has an equal lust for swinging, it may come as a shock to end up in bed with another couple only to find that as the night progresses there only appears to be three people playing. For some though, it may end up being an ideal scenario, particularly for couples who enjoy threesomes. However, having uneven numbers is unnerving for others. This may especially be the case for newer couples who may expect swinging to be a completely balanced thing and couples who may have had issues in the past with one partner getting more attention than the other due to the non-participation of one partner from the other couple. No one likes getting left out!

So are we more or less offended by such imbalances because someone misses out on some element of the action while someone else in the mix gets more than their perceived fair share of attention? Even the most experienced and laid-back couples have dealt with the friction caused by this sort of inequality but does this really speak more about how inflexible some other people are in the scene and their own personal insecurities? After all, if we’re meant to enjoy watching our partner enjoy themselves sexually, should it really matter if for one night you’re not getting as much sexy time as your partner? If anything, does playing with a couple who has differing appetites for swinging force you to see how well your own relationship can tolerate an imbalance in sexual attention?

Perhaps the issue is more to do with how often this sort of swinging imbalance occurs in your playtime. Certainly, one night may be excusable but if the same scenario keeps playing out and it’s not to your liking then it’s time to speak up. The couple you otherwise adore may be happy for the guy to pound away while his lady provides the occasional hand pump or nipple tweak but if that doesn’t really suit you then you should address that point to them or find some new friends who like an equal measure of flesh pounding. Even the most non-jealous person would still prefer an even playing field at the end of the day.

If a swinging imbalance happens on the first play date and you’re sure you won’t play with that couple again, you may as well enjoy whatever you can out of it. If you’ve found yourself in a room with straight woman with a voyeuristic husband who clearly wants your partner to ride her to paradise and back, you can either be gracious and let your man have some fun or join in to give him a mind-blowing FMF threesome. If you find yourself twiddling your thumb at some point then there’s certainly nothing wrong with having a word with your partner and ending the night amicably. If the swinging imbalance is just completely unacceptable to you then it’s important to ensure that your partner knows how you feel and make your excuses.

Where you’ve had some great sexual times with a couple who have slowly started to show signs of differing sexual appetite then you need to weigh the pros and cons of remaining play friends with them. If it doesn’t bother you that one partner is less active than the other, then you can carry on with your merry ways. After all, unless you’ve struck up an monogamous swinging relationship with that couple, you’re bound to meet other dynamic duos who can match your enthusiasm, one for one. The important thing is to not take things personally either and wind up believing that someone’s lack of enthusiasm is your fault.

If you happen to be a couple whose individual interest in swinging differs a little or even a lot, the best thing you can do is talk openly about it with each other. If the less interested partner makes a clear indication that they’d rather not swing at all, then that decision has to be honoured. If they are genuinely interested and otherwise happy to be a part of the lifestyle then you both need to be mindful of how that may still affect the way you play with other couples. There’s no point going to an orgy if it’s highly likely that your partner will prefer to just engage in soft swinging. Out of courtesy, it may also be a good idea to ensure that the more enthusiastic partner doesn’t make a total pig of themselves (unless the other people clearly don’t mind).

If seeking couples on RedHotPie, your profile may be the best opportunity to make mention that your partner may be on the shy side or that there are certain things that they prefer not to do. It may limit the type of people who take interest in you to some extent but it will certainly save you problems later.