THE Hill-Thompsons* are like any other young family expecting their first baby.

They’re buying maternity clobber on eBay, weeping during ultrasounds and giggling when the malapropistic midwife leading their prenatal classes advises them to gouge their birth companions carefully.

There is, however, one thing about the Hill-Thompsons that makes them a little unusual: there are three of them.

Mari (a 33-year-old student doing her second degree), Sara (a 32-year-old uni lecturer) and David (a 35-year-old IT geek) have been a sexually monogamous, three-way unit for six years.

They are not religious, they’re not cult members and they’re not even that into group sex.

They just happened to all fall in love with each other at roughly the same time.

For the most part, the Brisbane trio have kept the details of their polyamorous private life to themselves. But they are slowly coming out of the closet now Mari is eight months up the duff. Sara is also hoping to conceive in the not-too-distant future.

Telling people about their super-sized relationship is complicated by a lack of unloaded language options. Threesome sounds too sexy and there is no triplicate version of the word couple.

“Usually we just tell people there are three of us,” Mari says. “But polyfidelitous might be the best technical term.”

Polyamory, also known as ethical non-monogamy, is billed by many activists as the new gay; the next sexual revolution. It’s separate from swinging, in that (as the Latin root suggests) emotion is involved. Its also very different to religious polygamy such as that portrayed on the HBO TV show Big Love.

In short: more than two people, more than just sex, God optional.

Books, blogs and academic research into the practice are all rising, as is the predictable outrage from traditionalists and even from some non-traditionalists who say the trend muddies the gay marriage debate.

While a common joke is that the complexities of poly relationships leave little time for activism, in Canada on Monday the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association will begin fighting for group marriage rights in that nation’s supreme court.

“What they plan to say,” the Vancouver Sun has written, “is that polyamory is a more highly evolved form of family-conjugal relationship that is beneficial to all of its participants; the way of the future, if you will.”

The CPAA contends that at least two million Canadians live in polyamorous relationships, many belonging to what is known as the friends with benefits category.

It’s hard to know the number of polyamorists in Australia because for some reason the question isn’t asked on the census. There is, however, at least one in Britain.

Actress Tilda Swinton, 50, shares a house with playwright John Byrne, the 70-year-old father of her twins. Her other companion is 32-year-old Sandro Kopp, an artist she met while filming The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. Kopp had a small role as a centaur.

“The arrangement is just so sane,’ Swinton has said. “John and I live here with our children, and Sandro is sometimes here with us, and we travel the world together. We are all a family.”

Byrne agrees, saying of Kopp: “We all love him dearly.”

Given the ubiquity of cheating spouses (there are now commercial websites devoted to facilitating marital infidelity), it seems grossly hypocritical to judge those who are open and ethical about having more than one lover.

But Mari, Sara and David endure way more than their fair share of rude and weird reactions. Their jog-as-a-family neighbours won’t wave back to them and Sara’s mum thinks she is some kind of insatiable, nymphomaniac adulteress.

“But dammit, we’re not freaks!” Sara says. “We’re not hurting anyone. And we have three earners, three minds to think through situations and now three people to care for a baby.”

The story of how the Hill-Thompsons came to be the Hill-Thompsons is long, complicated and, at times, tragic.

Mari and David are high school sweethearts who have been together for 16 years and married in 1999.

“My only other relationships were crushes on girls in my childhood,” David says. “I had never have thought I would find myself in a permanent three-way relationship until it happened.”

Mari and Sara bonded as friends in the late 90s after Mari was raped. Sara then ended up in an abusive marriage in Colombia before visiting Mari and David in Brisbane in 2004. She and Mari got together within days. Then things progressed.

“David found the term polyamory online,” Mari recalls. “I was really relieved to discover that there were other people who had found they could love more than one person at once.

“Sara had asked me lots of questions that I felt were very scientific: I had just wanted her to say she felt the same, and to kiss me!”

Six years later, negotiating life together still involves tricky logistics and sleep rosters. In the early days, they slept in a queen and a single bed pushed together with a lumpy piece of foam filling the gap and a couple of stitched-together sheets on top. Now they take it turns to sleep in twos, only slumbering altogether (sideways in a king-sized bed) a few times a week (pregnant bellies permitting).

“Our schedule has changed over the years and I am sure it will continue to change,” Mari says. “We also alter the sleeping rotation if anyone is likely to feel particularly lonely sleeping by themselves for whatever reason.”

As for sex, the gang tend to avoid the three musketeers approach in this domain, too.

“It takes a lot of brainpower to think about three people’s sexual pleasure and emotional states at once,” Sara says. “Having to think that hard makes sex difficult.”

Another intriguing aspect of the arrangement is Mari and Sara’s status as committed feminists. It certainly confounds assumptions that they are the hapless members of some sort of harem. After all, while some chauvinist types might think David is fortunate to share his life with two women, others might regard living with two feminists as involving two too many.

Life, meanwhile, goes on.

The triumvirate is attending hypnobirthing classes, negotiating who will stay home and who will work, and reading a book called Psycho Kitty in the hope of making their crazed cat baby-friendly.

And as they count down the days until the birth of little Kate next month, they are convinced that any stigma their daughter faces in the community will be well and truly countered by the 50 per cent increase in the usual loving parenthood quotient she will have at home.

Source: theaustralian.com.au

Myth #1: Single men are everywhere

For every couple who has ever received unwanted attention from single men on RedHotPie, it would seem that they exist in plague proportions. In reality, when it comes time to actually finding one, it seems there really aren’t as many eligible men out there as once imagined. Indeed, by the time a couple makes a checklist of what they would like out of a single guy, the massive pool of horny dudes becomes a manageable pond. This still seems hopeful but as more time is put into getting to know these guys, the pond shrinks into a puddle.
Over a one month course of trying to find Mr Right, the guys who match your checklist end up hooking up with a girlfriend (and does the right thing by her and politely declines your threesome invitation), goes overseas on a hiking expedition or the like, or starts a new job that puts him into fly-in/fly-out mode. For those that remain available, some genuinely can’t get their diary synchronised with yours, or some end up psyching themselves out of meeting you. Before you know it, your puddle has dried up and it’s time to go fishing in new waters again: if you’ve got the patience for it.

Myth #2: Guys on RedHotPie are hot and horny for it 24/7

Yes. RHP guys are hot and they are horny but most are not prepared to drop everything in order to ‘get some’. Let’s not forget that single guys are human beings with a life outside of RHP. No doubt there are some guys who would be willing to come around to service a couple with one swift booty call but in most cases we need to exercise some fairness to all concerned.
If you feel like having a spontaneous session late one night, chat up a guy who happens to be online on RHP and manage to get him to your front door within thirty minutes, then consider yourself lucky. However if the poor guy sounds keen but text messages you an hour later and says he can’t make it, try not to get too mad. Consider how you would feel if you were given an hour to meet complete strangers who expect you to perform sexually (you’re not inviting him over for a cup of tea, right?). Well shouldn’t he have said no in the beginning? Totally. But he’s a guy at the end of the day and got revved up by the concept of hot threesome sex. Sadly the organ in charge of logistics (ie – his brain) tapped him on the shoulder and reminded him that he has to get up early to fly out of the country the next day. What’s a guy to do?
In the meantime, you’re left feeling unfulfilled and vowing to take to every single guy with the rough end of a pineapple. We do feel your pain but we can only suggest that you don’t expect too much from spontaneous sessions. Like anyone, single guys need some time to clear their schedules. They might even prefer to go out for a drink first and (shock, horror) get to know you socially before doing the wild thing.

Myth #3: Single guys will hit anything. Anything!

There’s a sad misconception that all single guys are desperate and likely to fornicate with anything that has a willing orifice. If you as a couple have this mentality when seeking one of those horny beasts to join you, you may be in for a nasty shock. Single guys have tastes and preferences like anyone else on RHP. If you won’t have sex with just anyone, why would a single guy? Or do you want the sort of single guy who will tap absolutely anything?
This myth hasn’t been brought up to suggest that some couples are plain unattractive (we’re all hot here on RHP of course!) but more so to highlight the problem some men face when propositioned by a couple who doesn’t appeal to him sexually. He’s damned if he is honest (many guys subsequently receive a barrage of abuse for being a picky bastard) and damned if he remains silent, blocks the couple and hides under a rock for a while.
Should he offer to meet for drinks at least? Sure, but somehow this could be worse if he decides then not to go ahead with the threesome due to non-attraction.
For some reason, couples can take rejection by a single girl or couple better than by a single guy. Perhaps it’s because of the tendency to assume that single guys aren’t picky, and to have a guy reject you makes the lady feel pretty average and her hubby mad as hell. So what’s a guy to do? Have sex with someone he’s not 100% attracted to or get labelled a time-wasting bastard? Great options.

If there’s a lesson to be learned here, couples who are seeking a single guy should probably not go into the task thinking it’s a no-brainer. Yes, there are many great guys to choose from on RHP but the three myths busted above should give you some idea of how you should go about finding the right guy to fulfill your MFM fantasies.
Firstly, remember that single guys are human beings with normal, human thoughts, emotions and commitments. Many have stressful jobs, kids from previous relationships and amazing passions and past times that may come ahead of meeting couples for threesome fun.
If you’re simply after a spare penis for the night, then you’re welcome to view single guys as a commodity but don’t be surprised if those who respond to your invitation are equally mercenary in their pursuits. If this suits you to a tee then you need only send a mass of messages or replies to various guys and the odds are that you’ll get a few to come and play with you.
If however you’re more into quality and fancy actually meeting a guy who you could possibly even be mates with in the vertical world then it’s worth making the effort to find the right guy for you. Work out what you are seeking in a guy (ie – attached, unattached, bisexual, experienced in group sex, condom-friendly etc.) and do an Advanced Search to get your listing of suitable guys. From there you can see through pics and profile write-ups as to whether a guy is your type of person.
When organising to meet a guy, offer to meet with the guy socially first. Most guys will probably agree to playing right away but of those guys some will sadly get a bit freaked out (experienced in group sex or not, many guys fear performance issues). If you take sex off the table for the time being, you’ll all be relaxed and not under any pressure. If drinks go well then you can easily organise the rest.
To avoid ‘timewasters’, ensure that you have swapped photos and that all parties understand what the threesome is to involve or not, and are happy to meet up. You should insist on a phone number from the single guy or ask him to call you. A quick chat on the phone will ensure that all is well and genuine. There’s sadly nothing that can gauge how well a guy is going to perform in the threesome but it may help to ensure that everyone only drinks in moderation if you’re serious about getting it on properly.

Author Peter Biskind told the New York Post newspaper he had based the figure on “simple arithmetic”.

According to Biskind, Beatty slept with “12,775 women, give or take, a figure that does not include daytime quickies, drive-bys, casual gropings, stolen kisses and so on.”

Biskind said he managed to form a friendship with the Bonnie and Clyde star who eventually opened up to him on his long list of affairs with Hollywood’s leading ladies.

But the 72-year-old actor and producer has already denied the book, titled Star: How Warren Beatty Seduced America, was authorised and said it contains many false assertions.

Beatty’s attorney, Bertram Fields told the Huffington Post the book was full of purported quotes from the actor which he had never said.

According to Biskind, Beatty’s former lovers included Jane Fonda, Joan Collins, Leslie Caron, Isabelle Adjani, Julie Christie, Diane Keaton, and Madonna.

The book also contains a claim from The Nanny star Fran Drescher in which she recalls Beatty inviting her to take part in a threesome. Drescher turned down the offer.

On Beatty’s affair with Collins, Biskind wrote in the book the actor made love to the leading lady “relentlessly”.

“For Collins, it was too much of a good thing,” he wrote. “One Sunday morning, exhausted, she stumbled out of bed. Dragging on a forbidden cigarette, she said, ‘I don’t think I can last much longer. He never stops — it must be all those vitamins he takes . . . In a few years, I’ll be worn out.'”

Source: ninemsn.com.au

Recognise the day for what it is

A pinch of cynicism goes a long way on Valentines Day of you’re single, and let’s face it, it’s not hard to question the true meaning of the day. Years ago Valentines was a noble notion but it’s easy to see how corporate it has become in some circles. The fact that many around the world refer to it as Hallmark day suggests how the meaning of Valentines has been lost a little, and the pressure to get loved ones outlandishly expensive and inventive gifts has replaced the simple idea of reminding loved ones how you feel about them. So bugger all those couples out there getting fleeced by the man! At least you know the real score.

Make it your day

So who the hell took out a lease on February 14th anyways? You think Saint Valentine and his cronies have official deeds on the day? I don’t think so! So, to hell with the whole thing, let’s get the calendar out and make some serious plans, it’s time to indulge, we’re talking major endorphin intake people. So what’s your passion? Are you a gamer? Is food your first love? Maybe you’re a movie junkie; whatever you love doing when you have spare time, lock in some serious indulgence for the 14th. Instead of moping about this year, get some take-away from that expensive Indian place, buy that new game or rent that new movie and treat yourself.

Work on yourself

If you’re still thinking about finding a significant other then maybe today can be a catalyst of sorts. New Years has become the yearly set-up for failure. All those resolutions biting the dust throughout January, well make a few resolutions now, free of all the New Year’s pressure. If you really want to get into the dating thing again then look at the areas that can always use a little tweaking. We’re talking fitness, your wardrobe, your personal hygiene, your hobbies, start making small steps to improve any areas of your life that have become a little neglected, maybe take that trial membership at the gym, set a savings goal each month to be spent on new clothes, spend some cash on that new hair cut or getting some work done at the dentist or maybe join that dance class and meet some new people. All steps in the right direction.

Band together

When the 14th roles around, you can be sure there are millions of people sitting about thinking they are the last of the singles – bollocks. Remember you’re not along, there are millions of you out there tackling Valentines alone, so why not band together and find strength in numbers. Give a few of your single mates a call and organise something fun, a BBQ, a paintballing trip, maybe a pub-crawl. Enjoy friends and remember the great relationships you do have rather than thinking about some mythical relationship you don’t.

Reach out

We’ve been taught since childhood that Valentines Day is about making a connection with someone, from those hand drawn cards passed around anonymously in grade three to the grandiose wedding proposals made atop the Eiffel tower… cliché much? Well how about employing the essence of the day and reaching out to make a difference to someone else. Hit up a few local charities, maybe you can offer your services to St Vinnies for the afternoon, maybe shell out some food at the local homeless centre. How about doing a nice turn for a family member or maybe drop in on that elderly neighbour for a friendly chat, it will make their day that much brighter and it will make yours much more enjoyable too.

Pie on

If you do find yourself at home and you’re not inclined to get out and try any of the above suggestions, keep yourself busy, maybe it’s time for a RedHotPie overhaul. As they say, a change is as good as a holiday. How about changing your user name or re-writing your profile, maybe throw up a few new photos. Other users are always looking for fresh new names and faces so don’t let your Pie persona go cold, shake it up baby!

Due to the incredible ease and comfort of online dating in the modern era, many of us are returning to the dating game after a long spell away. The jump from Cyber-fling to real world romance can be daunting to say the least. It’s all too easy to take the relaxed attitude that works so well online into the real deal, and to be honest, that just ain’t gonna cut it.

So let’s talk about the dos and dont’s, for those of you who have been out of the game for a while and those of you who just want a little more ammo for your next big night out with someone that could become very special should you play your cards right.

Let’s kick off with the set-up. So you’ve clicked online and now you both want to meet face to face, test for chemistry and if all goes well… get it on! So where to go? What to do? Well don’t kid yourself, these are very important questions and they could be imperative in the acquisition of date number two.

A little cunning can put you in the driver’s seat here. During your online courtship ask the questions that will set you up for later – what do they like to eat? What sorts of clubs do they enjoy? How about their taste in film? All good stuff to give you the inside track for date one.

Next it’s the pre-match basics. Go shopping, get yourself some nice new threads, you don’t need to spend a fortune. Even just buying a nice new throw or a necklace can build you up a little and we all know confidence is the name of the game. Take a little extra time in the bathroom; shave what needs attention, clean anything that’s cleanable and get yourself sparkling, again, if you feel good, that will make a big difference in how others perceive you.

When it comes to the procurement of the second date, much of it will depend on the success of the first so do engage your new friend and show that you are really in the moment. That said it is just as important to relax and be yourself. The best thing remember is that they are probably everybit as anxious and keen for this to go well as you are so there’s not as much pressure on you as you might think.

As the first date winds down and you are (hopefully) thinking about seeing this person again it’s ok to start thinking about teeing up number two. There’s no harm in making your intentions known at the end of your first date. Obviously getting down on bended knee is too much but saying that you had a good time and you’d like to do it again sometime acknowledges your interest in your date and makes your intentions clear.

If you don’t get that window of opportunity of you can’t quite spit the words out, the traditional route of a phone call a couple of days later is still quite acceptable. Of course now it can be replaced with a simple text; some say the medium of text is a little impersonal but it allows you some time to think about what you want to say. Obviously don’t call the person an hour after your first date finishes and don’t leave it a week. A day or two is in the ballpark.

After the stupendous conversation you enjoyed on your first date you should by now be armed with a barrel of information about this person, coming up with your next tryst should be a little easier. If your date had mentioned much they liked a band that was touring, you best be checking the gig guides when you get home. If they love sports, go have some fun on the golf course or bowling alley, something novel that will endear you to them and make you stand out.

So there it is… it’s not rocket science, but a little planing does go a long way. You don’t need a instruction manual just a solid grasp of the basics and an understanding that there are two parties orbiting each other, each interested in the other on some level. So get out there and give it a go… Good luck!

Fastmatch

Fastmatch is the longest running and most respected speed dating and networking company in Australia. They have a variety of speed dating events every month in cities around Australia and they have just added the amazing Ten Pin Bowling Speed Dating at Strike Bowling Bars in NSW & Vic.
Get along yourself or take some of those single friends for a night out with a difference. Hosted in comfortable surrounds each and every Fastmatch event is aimed at getting you in the sights of other sexy singles and finding you that special someone.

Get Hitched

Dating can sometimes be as daunting as an extreme sport, so to succeed you need the right preparation. Get Hitched offers expert advice and techniques to those in love, looking for love or to people just wanting to interact better. Each workshop offers tips for dating, relationships, sex and fashion which will motivate and inspire all participants to form new relationships or spice up existing ones. Take your pick between Attraction Bootcamp for Men or find out how to Become a Dating Magnet, sign up now and increase your desirability in the dating jungle.

Arendezvous “for singles”

Spend your holiday with a bunch of like-minded singles. Whether it’s a short escape or an overseas tour, Arendezvous have singles travel in Australia and overseas sewn up with holidays that match your age group and travel style.
Think Contiki without the guess work. You’re group of fellow-travelers will be on the road with the same charter as you… to find your soul-mate, and all whilst seeing the sights! Grab a girlfriend in Greece, or bag a boyfriend in Barcelona. What better way to meet your future love?
You can find all of the, Fastmatch events, Get Hitched workshops and Arendezvous travel packages and dinners in the Yes Dating parties & events guide.

The Secret Admirer

There’s no better time than Valentine’s Day to share your desire for that cutie you’ve had your eye on. After all, the secret admirer is what Valentine’s Day used to be all about. Whether you’re giving or receiving, everyone loves a little mysticism in their life and it’s always flattering to know that someone has a crush on you even if the admirer is uglier than a skinhead Britney Spears (but hopefully a little less psycho).

What to give: Send a card in the post and if you’re too shy to reveal yourself sign it with ‘from your secret admirer’… very fifth grade but in an adorable kind of way.
Why it’s hot: It’s fun, is guaranteed to put a smile on someone’s face and can give you an opening if you want to take things further.
What not to give: Don’t include something weird in the card, such as freshly torn out eye lashes… that’s just creepy.

The Casual Lover

You’re there for each other at the most important times… ok maybe not the most important but when you last contacted him/her, getting a little action was well and truly up there on your list of priorities. If you are going to have a little meet and greet on Valentine’s Day then a gift is definitely in order. But keep it simple and down play on the romance – the last thing you want to do is turn your booty call into more of an emotional roller coaster than a sappy Meg Ryan movie. What to give: A bottle of champagne, don’t blow the budget but try to buy something a little more classier than the $5 variety popular with university students and underage drinkers alike.

Why it’s hot: It’s classy and sexy, not overtly romantic while still sending the right message.
What not to give: Bunch after bunch of long stem red roses with a card saying ‘I have always loved you’.

The ‘Just Started Dating’ Couple
You know you’re into each other but it’s still early days – you may not be ready to declare true love but at least you have a date on the ‘most romantic day of the year’. If you want to take things to the next level then you’re going to have to do something special – but not too crazy that you scare someone away. Adding a personal touch to a gift is a good idea; it shows that you’ve been paying attention over the first few dates and that he hasn’t spent the whole time ogling her breasts or that she hasn’t spent the whole time trying to figure out his bank balance.
What to give: Organise dinner at a restaurant he mentioned he wanted to try or send the flowers she told you were her favourite. Have no idea what he or she likes and dislikes? Well start listening! Chances are he/she has dropped plenty of hints by now.

Why it’s hot: It shows that you care enough about the things that excite them and that you’re willing to put in some effort.
What not to give: Nothing, zilch, nada. If you want to keep this woman or man around then you better step up and acknowledge that Valentine’s Day is super important for some people. If you’re not willing to get into the spirit of things then don’t be surprised if you’re dropped faster than an Australian Idol reject.

The Love is all Around Couple
The sun is shining, the birds are singing, you have spring in your step and your counting down the minutes until you can see each other again… awww isn’t love grand! For you Valentine’s Day is all about romance, romance, and more romance.
What to give: Effort is the key and making the gift extra personal will make it one to remember. Seeing as you know your partner better than I do, I’ll leave it to you to decide but just make sure it’s big and most importantly, thoughtful.

Why it’s hot: It shows that you listen and that you care enough to make a special effort for that person.
What not to give: Anything cheap and easy… this will look especially bad if your other half has really gone out their way and had “I LOVE YOU” written in the sky and all you’ve coughed up is a $10 bunch of flowers you picked up from the service station that have already begun to wilt.

What are you hoping to get for Valentine’s Day? Tell us all about it!