The reality of the dating world today is different. Instead, we have a series of scary trends sucking all the joy from dating. To mention a few – love bombing, d*ck and dash, roaching, ghosting – essentially all trendy terms describing people being nasty while dating. With all these negative terms floating around, dating is becoming rather daunting.

A new dating term, caspering, coined by International Business Times, is a kinder term, it’s simply ghosting but in a friendly manner.

This is your guide to caspering, the dating term that isn’t nasty.

You must have heard of ghosting when someone you are dating disappears so suddenly. So sudden you wonder if they have dropped dead. No one likes rejection. Being dumbed without explanation is absolutely the worse where even the toughest of egos will get hurt. Although at times is understandable to cut ties with a date that is behaving in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. It’s still polite to just send a short text.

Some examples of texts you could use when caspering could read something like this:

” Hey, sorry, we just not a perfect match. I had a great time on our date. Best of luck with everything in the future” or ‘Hey, just to let you know – you’re an amazing person but I just didn’t feel the spark and think we shouldn’t see each other.  I’m going to stop replying to messages and calls. It certainly isn’t a reflection on whom you are as a person. Best of luck with everything in the future.’

So, instead of just ghosting, choose caspering, in other words, go about ghosting in a kind and compassionate manner. Offering an explanation and warning the other person before ignoring their calls and texts. Don’t lead them on, if you are just not feeling it, tell them so.

Sex Educator, Alix Fox told IBTTimes UK that she wants to see people practice more compassionate dating and hopes new terms will emerge to replace words with negative connotations like ‘ghosting’. She elaborates below:

‘I’d like to see more positive new terms enter the linguistic landscape, to make people more mindful about behaving well towards others and themselves, help them navigate the modern dating process more joyfully, and ultimately enjoy happier experiences,’ said Alix.
‘If you’re going to ghost someone, be friendly about it! ‘If you’ve decided you don’t want to chat to someone any longer, that’s fine, but if they’re simply not your cuppa and haven’t been an ass, try to leave them with a compliment or some constructive feedback so they feel bolstered to keep on looking for love.’

We support this kinder and more compassionate manner of dating. Everybody should have a fair chance at love and romance. Nobody deserves to be treated badly when looking for love and their ideal person. Hoping that new and more positive dating terms surface to make dating a pleasant experience for all.

Cheers to caspering!

What is Love bombing?

Love bombing is a seductive tactic, where a manipulative person tries to control another individual with “bombs”,  from day one.

If you have someone declaring their undying love to you after only a couple of weeks, step back and ask yourself; ‘Am I about to be a victim of what it’s known as ‘love bombing’?

According to Dale Archer, a psychiatrist and author, love bombing is where you are showered with affection, gifts, and promises for the future, making you believe you may have discovered love at first sight. Someone is loving, caring, affectionate, and seems to just “get” you. Things progress really quickly, and you start to wonder whether this is what you’ve been missing all along.

Everything happens so quick, that the victim is left with little time to assess if they are being dubbed. Things take a turn when you start paying attention to other things in your life. Evidence of frustration and anger starts to show,  a side of them you didn’t see before. They will become mean and belittle you and they become emotionally and psychologically abusive. Love bombing is the reinforcement, where the abuser showers you with love if you act how they want you to.

Love bombers are manipulative people who hook up their victims by showering them with attention first. And then proceed to devalue them especially when they focus on other aspects of their life that are also important to them.

Archer makes a very good point, healthy relationships build up slowly and couples should maintain healthy friendships with friends and family.

Maintain friendships and family relationships, be outspoken about your needs and wants in a new relationship and always take it slow. Finally, remember to stop, look, and listen.

If you feel you are walking on eggshells and feel like you are losing your sense of self, it’s time to step back and cut off from the relationship.

Archer urges people to remember the advice: ‘If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.’

Dating takes effort and a lot of personal investment, but sometimes when you meet the right person, it’s all worth it. Being honest with each other is ultimately the key to a successful relationship in the long haul. However, while we try to be honest with a partner, the favour is not always returned.

Roaching, a term coined by AskMen, happens when your new dating interest ‘accidentally or on purpose let’s slip that they’re seeing someone else’. And when they are confronted about it, they quickly establish that you never had the ‘exclusive’ talk.

What happen? You just got roached.

The thing is, there’s nothing explicitly wrong with dating around. However, if it is an outcome of dishonesty is just plain disrespectful.

The term ‘Roaching’ comes from the idea that when you see one cockroach, there are a bunch more you don’t see. So, while you are dating this person, they were hiding a number of other crushes, lovers, matches and dates.
While you might not have had the ‘exclusive’ talk, you haven’t either ‘I’m dating other people’. It’s not what they are doing but how they are doing that is offensive.

This whole situation can be avoided with good communication, and honesty. Just let your partner know instead of hiding, avoiding hurting anyone in the process.