This is one of the worse and agonising things that can happen at the end of any relationship. When someone leaves without saying bye or explaining why it’s all over. Leaving the other person asking questions like; “What went wrong?” Or “What did I do?” Benching is a mind game that is so frustrating.

What is benching?

Has it happened to you, you ask?  Benching happens when someone repeatedly leaves you on a bench to wait around hoping they might choose you again. Much like in sports games, a player sits on the bench hoping they are good enough this time to play the game.

Benching is worse than ghosting

Why is it worse than ghosting? You are left in limbo, wondering if you are still on. Someone is benching you when they might want you, but they aren’t sure if they find someone better. Or they are afraid of love, or emotional commitment, so they leave you in a position where they can get back to you and be with you when they have none else around. It’s sort of like being on and off again and again. This is why benching is way worse than ghosting.

It’s a terrible dating trend

This is a terrible dating trend because you are left wondering, pondering and second-guessing when and if they will return. Seriously, if this sounds like your relationship, put a stop to it. They are not emotionally mature and available. They think they can come in and out of a relationship without explanation and if confronted will put you back on the bench because they don’t want to deal with blame, pain and shame. Every time they leave nothing is clear and everything has been left unspoken.

Move on, because you are worth a person who respects you and your feelings.  You deserve someone who wants you. Find someone who wants a meaningful connection with you and doesn’t make you feel second best. You deserve better, be good to yourself.

Featured photo by Dmitry Schemelev on Unsplash

Compatibility of fundamental values

Travelling together will help you to decide what you truly connect on, and whether your core values align. If your primary objective of lounging by the pool all day (cocktail in hand), makes your partner itch with boredom. While their idea of climbing the nearest mountain, sounds like of the 7^th layer of hell to you, you may have yourselves a problem.

This incompatibility does not necessarily mean the doom of a relationship. So long as you are able to reach compromises together. Find activities you will both enjoy, or allow time apart to explore your own interests. Strict unwavering in this regard may be a red flag that you’re just not going to work out, which brings me to the next point.

Communication under stress

We tend to lash out when we are stressed. Calm and respectful communication is tantamount to a healthy relationship. You might find yourself in situations that you feel are the other person’s fault and wish to lay blame or lash out. However, it’s resisting the urge to do this and instead communicating openly and problem-solving as a team which will bring you together.

Let me give you an anecdote from my own experience travelling with my partner:

It’s 12 am, we have just finished a night safari in New Zealand, and we haven’t figured out how we are going to get home. We walk to the bus station and wait, and wait some more. 30 minutes pass and we realise, the bus is not coming. My partner turns to me and suggests that we start walking. I agree, and as we get no more than 5 minutes down the road, the bus zooms past, and we have missed it.

We now find ourselves faced with an hour and a half trek down a mountainside, and note at this point, neither of us have eaten dinner. Every step down this hill wearing stupid shoes only increases the ever-growing hangry rage boiling in us both. We eventually find ourselves back at the hotel with a single mission; eat something before we murder each other. We get into to car in search of a drive through (Spoiler alert: we were staying in the CBD, this was a stupid idea). After fruitlessly driving for another 15 minutes we drive the car back to the hotel and walk out into the cold, sniffing the air for any sign of food nearby.

At this point I’m so hungry I could lick the pavement. We reached the closest fast food place and I nearly cried as I read that it has closed, after some swift googling we almost ran to the next place. I swear a tear of joy crept out of my eye as we walked into the restaurant at 2 am. As I sat, finally placated and fed and watched my partner devour that burger like a starved wildebeest I realised, this is the one.

This was without a doubt an extremely high-stress situation that could have led to an argument or an opportunity to dole out blame. But we both (relatively) kept our cool, and it remains one of my favourite relationship stories.

Forced time together

Aside from holiday situations, couples will rarely find themselves spending extended periods of time with each other in close quarters. Autonomy and personal space are important in any relationship, but while travelling you’ll find yourselves stuck together with no means of escape. This is a great assessment to determine if you truly enjoy each other’s company for longer than a few hours at a time. When you take a person out of their natural habitat, it is a test of their ability to adapt to new situations. Will they crack under pressure, or do they keep a cool head? It’s a time for you to decide whether your partner’s quirks or endearing or deal breaking.

Shared Problem solving

If you have had a travelling experience where not a single thing has gone wrong, congratulations, you’ve won the holiday lottery! For the rest of us mere mortals, we know that regardless of how well planned, or painstakingly organised you are, something somewhere is going to go wrong. Cars break down, flights are delayed, or you find yourselves lost in a foreign country. It’s these moments that can define how you problem solve as a couple. Can you come to a shared agreement on the best course of action or will you disagree until the situation dissolves into a fight? Solving problems together and feeling satisfied with the outcome can bring you closer as a couple, and also grant insight into how you might solve problems together further down the track.

You challenge each other’s limits

This is the time to try new things together and to test each other’s limits. Foreign experiences will allow you to learn what is and what is not for you. You might find yourself yelling ‘AGAIN!’ after zip lining through a forest, or maybe you’ll be in the foetal position crying ‘never again’. New experiences together let us learn things about our partner we might never have had to opportunity to learn otherwise. You’ve discovered they hated zip lining? Better cross skydive voucher off the list of potential Christmas gifts. New and exciting experiences, even terrifying ones give you a shared bond that you’ll always have together.

And Finally

Hotel sex = incredible

Dating takes effort and a lot of personal investment, but sometimes when you meet the right person, it’s all worth it. Being honest with each other is ultimately the key to a successful relationship in the long haul. However, while we try to be honest with a partner, the favour is not always returned.

Roaching, a term coined by AskMen, happens when your new dating interest ‘accidentally or on purpose let’s slip that they’re seeing someone else’. And when they are confronted about it, they quickly establish that you never had the ‘exclusive’ talk.

What happen? You just got roached.

The thing is, there’s nothing explicitly wrong with dating around. However, if it is an outcome of dishonesty is just plain disrespectful.

The term ‘Roaching’ comes from the idea that when you see one cockroach, there are a bunch more you don’t see. So, while you are dating this person, they were hiding a number of other crushes, lovers, matches and dates.
While you might not have had the ‘exclusive’ talk, you haven’t either ‘I’m dating other people’. It’s not what they are doing but how they are doing that is offensive.

This whole situation can be avoided with good communication, and honesty. Just let your partner know instead of hiding, avoiding hurting anyone in the process.

Hotwifing

A “hotwife” refers to a woman in a partnered couple who has sexual encounters with other men. At times this encounter might happen in the presence of her partner. Other times in his absence followed with a retelling of the events. The male partner in this relationship is turned on by his partner sexual escapades, and derives pleasure and arousal from her exercising her sexual autonomy.

Cuckolding

A “cuckold” is a man that enjoys the dominance/submission power relationship with his female partner. Often, the cuckold likes to be belittled, humiliated, or otherwise made to feel powerless. To capitalize on this power dynamic, the female partner has sexual encounters with other men. The male partner’s pleasure and satisfaction comes from the power dynamic between himself and his partner.

Thus, “cuckolding” is more about the power exchange (as in other kinds of BDSM relationships) while “hotwifing” in general often lacks this element. A man may derive intense sexual satisfaction from his partner having independent sexual escapades, but be completely uninterested with the idea of being humiliated by his female partner and/or bull. However, another man may only enjoy such escapades if he is also humiliated, forced to “clean up” the woman after her sexual encounter, or otherwise made to feel inferior to the bull.

A “bull” is the term commonly ascribed to the other man in the scenario, the person that the hotwife has the sexual encounter with.

Why has hotwifing become such a popular fantasy among couples? The main reason is to fulfill the desire of almost every man to see his beautiful wife interacting with another man.
Other reasons come to mind, the explosion of Internet facilitated the fantasy, women are more comfortable with their sexual desires and are not afraid to voice it and act on it, and last people have come to understand that fantasies are a healthy way to explore one’s sexuality and beneficial way to bond.

Hotwifing, might just be what you were looking for at this point of your relationship. Read the benefits below:

1. Freedom

Most women secretly desire this, the freedom to enjoy another man’s company and to explore their sexuality guilt free. When a man encourages his woman to enjoy other man’s company, she gets to enjoy and exercise her sexual autonomy and to express freely her sexual desires.

2. A huge turn on.

Hotwifing is a sexual fantasy that can take your relationship to the next level. It’s a way of women expressing themselves and a huge turn on for their partners. Many women are getting into exhibitionism. They love their partner watching them have sex. For the partner who wants to show off his hotwife, it’s a huge turn on to watch another man enjoy his sexy hotwife. Watching your wife/partner with another man is like watching a hot porno, with her as the main star.

3. Free from the shackles of jealousy

Jealousy is the main reason many relationships fail to work. It contributes to disagreements and sometimes breakups. Hotwifing can help the men overcome most feelings of jealousy and insecurities. This kind of relationship can make your partnership more trusting and open. There is a difference between sex and a loving relationship, your partner knows this, and the steamy encounter is only SEX.

4. Increased Trust and Communication

A strong relationship is built on trust and good communication. Healthy relationships are not about the things a couple does together but about how they communicate together, how they treat each other, and how they work together to maintain a mutually beneficial relationship. Hotwifing will not increase these aspects in a relationship if they don’t exist already. They must exist before you embark in this fantasy.

5. Look Better

To continue being the desirable to men, a hotwife will be motivated you to stay fit, eat healthy, look sexy and stay young both mentally and physically.

6. Increase and improve intimacy

Your relationship and especially sex life will absolutely improve. The physical and emotional intimacy associated with hotwifing is intense. The feeling of seeing a wife with another man will just turn any man on making the sex life better and more frequent.

7. Boost confidence and self-esteem

The esteem of both parties involved will increase and this is great for having a healthy relationship. A confident man is also what a woman wants and what better way to show how confident you are than letting your wife get out there with other men.

The benefits of hotwifing are many and there are many adventurous couples that indulge in this fantasy. However, every couple has a different dynamic, and as such, hotwifing might not be your fantasy. As a couple it is best to go with what works best for you.

Yes my friends I am talking about the ascendance of the Toyboy within the urban centers around Australia. The Toy Boy has been popularized by celebrities such as Madonna (49) and Guy Ritchie (36), Demi Moore (44) marriage to Ashton Kutcher (26) and even the Cameron Diaz (33) and Justin Timberlake (25) relationship. The “toy boy” has also become fashionable amongst business women pressed for time and more recently, amongst couples. ‘Why?’ You ask. For most couples, the single man offers a convenient alternative to the single girl. It adds many more variables to the bedroom where the only limit is one’s imagination.

One of the greatest advantages of Toy Boys to couples is that they present an uncomplicated and readily available sexual addition to the bedroom. Whilst single girls, from a couples’ point of view, can be illusive at times and require much coaxing, single men will readily jump at any booty call in the wee hours of the morning with little or no encouragement needed at all. The Toy Boy provides the redefinition of no strings fun, removing any issue of jealousy of emotional complications. If you would like a Toy Boy of your own right now, simply log onto RedHotPie right now and pick one up today. No batteries necessary.