Are people a bit unrealistic?

Let’s face it. Most of us mere mortals can’t hope to compete with Brangelina and the ranks of the über-hot. In all reality though, how often do you actually run into people like that in general, much less in a smaller sample of the population that is the swingers scene? Isn’t it therefore a bit unrealistic to expect awe-inspiring beauty from everyone you meet in the scene? Furthermore, the likelihood of two partners from a couple both being drop-dead gorgeous AND hooking up with an equally beauteous couple seems really unlikely. I think for every one such super-pairing, there would be hundreds of other regular folk on various scales of attractiveness. And guess what? I reckon they’d be having as much (if not more) fun as the so-called beautiful people.

So what is being ‘hot’ all about?

To me personally, being hot suggests that a person is lust-worthy and makes everyone instantly want to jump all over them. This may be because that person is physically very attractive or it may be because they have that certain something about them; a sexy smile, easy-going personality and so on.
What rates as hot is very often entirely subjective but to some extent there are some common ideas on what constitutes hot, such as an athletic body, a beautiful face or perfect round breasts. The more a person’s definition of hot deviates from those common ideas, the more they are likely to be superficial and picky about who they want to shag (and ironically irrespective of how hot they themselves may be perceived!). Suddenly the guy who has a triathlete’s physique may not be so hot because his face is full of freckles, or the perky 12B boobies aren’t that appealing up against a set of DD melons. The benchmark of ‘hotness’ keeps shifting and in that process some people feel like they fall well under the accepted norm of what is hot.

Dealing with rejection

For couples who simply want to meet some nice people, not meeting the hot criteria for what seems to be the good majority of other couples and singles can lead to a horrible sense of rejection, especially when you can only rely on your RedHotPie profile and photos to appeal to the masses. It’s certainly a nasty slap to the self-esteem when messages are unanswered once private gallery photos are shared, or especially when some couples take it upon themselves to let them know that they are well and truly not their type. Some people are just needlessly cruel and one wonders if perhaps there’s something far more wrong with them than just their superficial views.
It isn’t nice to be thought of as unattractive but in all honesty, it’s best not to take that sort of rejection too personally. What one couple doesn’t find sexually attractive may ring all the right bells for another. It may even be just one minor point that turns a couple off (facial hair, extra padding etc.) which isn’t something you can (or should) change. Picky couples and singles inevitably don’t meet as many people as they could and that is entirely their problem, not yours. Just move on to other people instead. Hold your head up high and keep your confidence levels up. Happy and confident people are always attractive.
Also, don’t forget that swinging involves four people (often more!) and sometimes it’s important that everyone is attracted to each other (even if the guys or girls are not bi). That means the margin for non-attraction is higher and all the more reason you shouldn’t take rejection too badly. Sometimes the bi-curious female partner of one couple is attracted to the other male but isn’t sexually interested in his openly bisexual partner. Maybe one male partner reminds the other male of his late grandfather? So many factors can prevent a match.

What if you’re not everyone’s cup of tea?

OK. So you have written to virtually everyone on RedHotPie and still no hope of a hot date? If it’s clear that people aren’t impressed by your profile and photos (because they’re not responding to you or they’ve actually said you’re not appealing), then it may be time to pimp up your profile. Often people are rebuffed not so much due to lack of physical attractiveness but because of plain horrible presentation. You may be loading up the wrong photos (ie – hubby in his work gear swigging beer on the back porch while his missus waters the lawn in her dressing gown). Perhaps the photos of you just don’t do you justice at all? Maybe you’re unshaven (face!) or your hair could have done with a wash? Take note of your profile write-up, username and messages too. Perhaps you come across as dull, brash or crude? Perhaps you’ve given up your more private shots too soon and it’s freaked the other party out? There are many possibilities and instead of throwing in the towel, give your profile some attention and see if that gets your foot in the door.
If on the other hand you are well aware that your looks are not your strong point, then you do need to work just that bit harder to let your personalities shine through. Get your best photos up and make sure your profile describes a fabulous duo that just simply must be met. Be friendly and cheeky and avoid words like average and ‘we aren’t supermodels’. Just list your positives.

Is it wrong to want to meet ‘hot’ people?

If this article has so far suggested that you’re shallow human beings for wanting to shag only attractive people then that is not its intent. There’s nothing wrong with lusting after hotties and indeed, no one should ever have sex with people that they aren’t attracted to. I’m probably trying to drive the point that we all need to get our perspectives in check every so often. If you have struck gold with meeting good-lookers from the get go, you may be less enthusiastic about dating comparatively less attractive people, which sadly leaves a lot of nice people without dates and feeling ugly until they get their groove on and starting meeting people themselves. This is rather ironic given the people who get rejected may have been ideal matches prior to benchmarks getting set. On the flipside, those ‘not so hot’ people may look at you and wonder why you’re rejecting them given they don’t perceive you to be any more attractive than they are.
That is not to say that you should ignore physical attraction and meet people willy-nilly in the hopes that your personalities match famously. At the end of the say, swinging is about sex and you will most of the time be guided by physical attraction first. Most couples also don’t have the luxury of time to meet absolutely everyone that approaches them so they are most often swayed by profiles and photos (again, presentation is everything). Swinging is unfortunately never as spontaneous as people would like. It takes time to try and find the right couple and in most cases, practicality wins over just ‘winging it’ most times. If a couple isn’t attracted to your profile photos, that’s usually that and few people can really blame them. If they had all the time in the world and could meet you in person, it may be a completely different story.

So the next time you get a response from a couple who hints that there is no attraction, then take that at face value. There is a huge difference between not being attracted to someone and not being attractive. Everyone has their own unique blend of hotness; some more readily consumed than others. Apply your own experiences of rejection and approach couples who you may not otherwise messaged based on their profile and photos. You may discover some true diamonds in the rough.

Eighteen other people involved in the online swingers’ club received sentences of up to two-and-a-half years while three were acquitted.

Ma Yaohai, 53, said he would appeal against his conviction in a case which sparked a debate on civil liberties

There have been calls for the charge of “group licentiousness” to be scrapped.

Group sex parties were held at Ma’s home, the trial heard.

The 22 defendants were accused of engaging in dozens of group sex encounters between 2007 and 2009.

Ma told reporters earlier that his club, which grew to have 190 members, had consisted of consenting adults who “disturbed no- one”.

Thank God for Australia and RedHotPie!!!

Source: bbc.co.uk

Aren’t you the guy who fixed our computer?

One of the key reasons people still seem hesitant to post their face shots on sites like RedHotPie, or even sign up on one at all, is the fear of being recognised by people they know. Now, I do get the need for discretion but I always find it amusing that people worry about being spotted by those who are pretty much on the RHP for largely the same reasons. I think this has a lot to do with most people preferring to keep their horizontal life separate to their vertical one. Indeed, it does keep things uncomplicated. I suspect also that some couples actually enjoy appearing benign and boring in their ‘normal’ world and reserve their wild, sexy persona as a naughty little secret.
For others, having their sexuality speculated on by people who have otherwise only known them as their co-worker, local councillor or barista is plain horrifying. Alternatively, there’s also the concern that revealing such a personal and vulnerable side of yourself shoots down any sort of professional or social face you’ve put up to that person. Rather sad to think that you’re potentially viewed as being less of an upstanding citizen or responsible employee just because you enjoy having an extra person or two in the bedroom every now and then. I’d like to think that we’ve moved beyond that sort of mindframe but I certainly wouldn’t knock a couple for wanting to safeguard their lives, especially if they believe their livelihood or family’s well being may be negatively affected by narrow-mindedness.
To be fair, nothing should matter more to you than maintaining ‘normality’, especially where work and family are concerned but it makes sense to simply apply common sense to swinging. Consider how likely it is to meet people on RHP that you know in the real world. Is that likelihood affected by you living in the city or the country? How bad (really) would it be if someone did discover that you dabble in group sex? Weigh up all the risk factors before resorting to clandestine meetings and using false names.

Can you be discreet but still have fun?

Ironically, as much as this article is about discretion, there happens to be a lot of couples playing the game and therefore competition aplenty. You may think that with so many couples online on RHP, your chances of meeting people would be high but you’d be sadly mistaken. Couples are very much driven by visuals first, with written content and other details sealing the deal for a play match. So how can you stand out from the crowd if you don’t want to put up photos and rely on one or two cautious sentences to sell yourself?
If discretion is of paramount importance to you then you have to accept that you probably can’t be passive players. By this I mean that your profile is unlikely to get hit on purely because it exists. It’s going to be up to you to strike up the first conversation. This most often will mean paying some level of membership in order to initiate contact with people, unless you’re content to be an online wallflower. If you have the power to approach people, you can describe yourself in better detail via messages and give people access to private galleries. If things don’t lead anywhere, then turn off that access and no harm done. If someone bites, you can determine the next level of personal information to provide and take things from there.

How discreet is too discreet?

Fortunately, online dating sites afford people a good amount of anonymity and you can ultimately control the amount of information you provide others. In short, there would have to be a complete freak occurrence for someone to randomly pick you out of thousands of profiles and work out exactly who you are. More often than not, it’s error in judgment on the user’s side that gives their game away. For example, if you live in a country town with a population of two thousand people, it may be wise to list yourself as residing elsewhere, especially if the majority of your playtime is spent out of your home town anyway.
As I touched on previously, I wouldn’t criticise a couple for going to certain lengths to maintain discretion but if it starts to affect your mental health (ie – you’re constantly looking over your shoulders) or if your efforts start to work against you in that no one wants to meet you for being too cagey, then you may need to review your strategy. It’s all very well to be discreet but is there a fine line between protecting your identity and failing to provide enough of yourself to attract others and to maintain a meaningful friendship if that is what you seek.
Other than a small number of couples who purely seek NSA (no strings attached) play-only arrangements, you’ll find that most couples will want to engage in a more social, friendly relationship over time. This means discussing work, lifestyle, family and other things that give people an insight into your personality. Unless you are a high profile couple (celebrity, politician or church leader etc.), most people won’t understand your need for Grade A secrecy and may even mistake it for pretentiousness. As such, you should gauge your need for discretion based on the friendships you make; bit by bit. If you’re going to constantly worry about whether your new friends’ cousin’s chiropractor knows the president of your child’s P&C, then you should stick to NSA swinging. If your new friends also still only know you by your false names a year on, you could also be taking things a bit too far.

What happens when your ‘normal’ & swinging worlds collide?

This will happen from time to time. You’ve left the ladies to sort the details of a drinks date (not unusual given it’s the best way to determine that a couple is bona fide). You rock up at the local pub and it’s only then you work out that the guy from the other couple is in fact the policeman who gave evidence against you at your hearing for urinating in public. Stranger things have happened. What do you do? You act like civil adults and either agree to enjoy a chat over drinks (whether you consider playing later in spite of the circumstances is up to you all) or decide to call it a night there and then on the understanding that there is an unwritten law of discretion in swinging. It may be tempting to tell your mates that Constable Mean is on an adult dating website but then you’d need to explain to them why *you* know (and don’t say you just came upon the information; they’ll work it out for themselves). You don’t do anything silly because the other party can be just as stupid and before you know it, you’ll be known on RHP as the guy who cut a slash in public and what couple is up for meeting classy folk like that? It’s a win-win situation to remain quiet. That’s just how it is.
On a less dramatic scale, should you come across the parents of your child’s classmate or the lady who owns the local beauty salon, don’t freak out. It may be embarrassing and uncomfortable initially but it’s no less so for the other party. Just be adults about it and move on as if it’s cool. You’re not doing anything illegal and if the other party are online RHP as well (or at a swingers party etc.) then their definition of what’s normal or weird isn’t going to differ too much from yours. You’re not obliged to play with people you bump into in Swingerland so in the grand scheme of things, it’s not that bad is it? I think it’s much worse to be caught urinating in public personally.

Due to the incredible ease and comfort of online dating in the modern era, many of us are returning to the dating game after a long spell away. The jump from Cyber-fling to real world romance can be daunting to say the least. It’s all too easy to take the relaxed attitude that works so well online into the real deal, and to be honest, that just ain’t gonna cut it.

So let’s talk about the dos and dont’s, for those of you who have been out of the game for a while and those of you who just want a little more ammo for your next big night out with someone that could become very special should you play your cards right.

Let’s kick off with the set-up. So you’ve clicked online and now you both want to meet face to face, test for chemistry and if all goes well… get it on! So where to go? What to do? Well don’t kid yourself, these are very important questions and they could be imperative in the acquisition of date number two.

A little cunning can put you in the driver’s seat here. During your online courtship ask the questions that will set you up for later – what do they like to eat? What sorts of clubs do they enjoy? How about their taste in film? All good stuff to give you the inside track for date one.

Next it’s the pre-match basics. Go shopping, get yourself some nice new threads, you don’t need to spend a fortune. Even just buying a nice new throw or a necklace can build you up a little and we all know confidence is the name of the game. Take a little extra time in the bathroom; shave what needs attention, clean anything that’s cleanable and get yourself sparkling, again, if you feel good, that will make a big difference in how others perceive you.

When it comes to the procurement of the second date, much of it will depend on the success of the first so do engage your new friend and show that you are really in the moment. That said it is just as important to relax and be yourself. The best thing remember is that they are probably everybit as anxious and keen for this to go well as you are so there’s not as much pressure on you as you might think.

As the first date winds down and you are (hopefully) thinking about seeing this person again it’s ok to start thinking about teeing up number two. There’s no harm in making your intentions known at the end of your first date. Obviously getting down on bended knee is too much but saying that you had a good time and you’d like to do it again sometime acknowledges your interest in your date and makes your intentions clear.

If you don’t get that window of opportunity of you can’t quite spit the words out, the traditional route of a phone call a couple of days later is still quite acceptable. Of course now it can be replaced with a simple text; some say the medium of text is a little impersonal but it allows you some time to think about what you want to say. Obviously don’t call the person an hour after your first date finishes and don’t leave it a week. A day or two is in the ballpark.

After the stupendous conversation you enjoyed on your first date you should by now be armed with a barrel of information about this person, coming up with your next tryst should be a little easier. If your date had mentioned much they liked a band that was touring, you best be checking the gig guides when you get home. If they love sports, go have some fun on the golf course or bowling alley, something novel that will endear you to them and make you stand out.

So there it is… it’s not rocket science, but a little planing does go a long way. You don’t need a instruction manual just a solid grasp of the basics and an understanding that there are two parties orbiting each other, each interested in the other on some level. So get out there and give it a go… Good luck!

Fastmatch

Fastmatch is the longest running and most respected speed dating and networking company in Australia. They have a variety of speed dating events every month in cities around Australia and they have just added the amazing Ten Pin Bowling Speed Dating at Strike Bowling Bars in NSW & Vic.
Get along yourself or take some of those single friends for a night out with a difference. Hosted in comfortable surrounds each and every Fastmatch event is aimed at getting you in the sights of other sexy singles and finding you that special someone.

Get Hitched

Dating can sometimes be as daunting as an extreme sport, so to succeed you need the right preparation. Get Hitched offers expert advice and techniques to those in love, looking for love or to people just wanting to interact better. Each workshop offers tips for dating, relationships, sex and fashion which will motivate and inspire all participants to form new relationships or spice up existing ones. Take your pick between Attraction Bootcamp for Men or find out how to Become a Dating Magnet, sign up now and increase your desirability in the dating jungle.

Arendezvous “for singles”

Spend your holiday with a bunch of like-minded singles. Whether it’s a short escape or an overseas tour, Arendezvous have singles travel in Australia and overseas sewn up with holidays that match your age group and travel style.
Think Contiki without the guess work. You’re group of fellow-travelers will be on the road with the same charter as you… to find your soul-mate, and all whilst seeing the sights! Grab a girlfriend in Greece, or bag a boyfriend in Barcelona. What better way to meet your future love?
You can find all of the, Fastmatch events, Get Hitched workshops and Arendezvous travel packages and dinners in the Yes Dating parties & events guide.

The Secret Admirer

There’s no better time than Valentine’s Day to share your desire for that cutie you’ve had your eye on. After all, the secret admirer is what Valentine’s Day used to be all about. Whether you’re giving or receiving, everyone loves a little mysticism in their life and it’s always flattering to know that someone has a crush on you even if the admirer is uglier than a skinhead Britney Spears (but hopefully a little less psycho).

What to give: Send a card in the post and if you’re too shy to reveal yourself sign it with ‘from your secret admirer’… very fifth grade but in an adorable kind of way.
Why it’s hot: It’s fun, is guaranteed to put a smile on someone’s face and can give you an opening if you want to take things further.
What not to give: Don’t include something weird in the card, such as freshly torn out eye lashes… that’s just creepy.

The Casual Lover

You’re there for each other at the most important times… ok maybe not the most important but when you last contacted him/her, getting a little action was well and truly up there on your list of priorities. If you are going to have a little meet and greet on Valentine’s Day then a gift is definitely in order. But keep it simple and down play on the romance – the last thing you want to do is turn your booty call into more of an emotional roller coaster than a sappy Meg Ryan movie. What to give: A bottle of champagne, don’t blow the budget but try to buy something a little more classier than the $5 variety popular with university students and underage drinkers alike.

Why it’s hot: It’s classy and sexy, not overtly romantic while still sending the right message.
What not to give: Bunch after bunch of long stem red roses with a card saying ‘I have always loved you’.

The ‘Just Started Dating’ Couple
You know you’re into each other but it’s still early days – you may not be ready to declare true love but at least you have a date on the ‘most romantic day of the year’. If you want to take things to the next level then you’re going to have to do something special – but not too crazy that you scare someone away. Adding a personal touch to a gift is a good idea; it shows that you’ve been paying attention over the first few dates and that he hasn’t spent the whole time ogling her breasts or that she hasn’t spent the whole time trying to figure out his bank balance.
What to give: Organise dinner at a restaurant he mentioned he wanted to try or send the flowers she told you were her favourite. Have no idea what he or she likes and dislikes? Well start listening! Chances are he/she has dropped plenty of hints by now.

Why it’s hot: It shows that you care enough about the things that excite them and that you’re willing to put in some effort.
What not to give: Nothing, zilch, nada. If you want to keep this woman or man around then you better step up and acknowledge that Valentine’s Day is super important for some people. If you’re not willing to get into the spirit of things then don’t be surprised if you’re dropped faster than an Australian Idol reject.

The Love is all Around Couple
The sun is shining, the birds are singing, you have spring in your step and your counting down the minutes until you can see each other again… awww isn’t love grand! For you Valentine’s Day is all about romance, romance, and more romance.
What to give: Effort is the key and making the gift extra personal will make it one to remember. Seeing as you know your partner better than I do, I’ll leave it to you to decide but just make sure it’s big and most importantly, thoughtful.

Why it’s hot: It shows that you listen and that you care enough to make a special effort for that person.
What not to give: Anything cheap and easy… this will look especially bad if your other half has really gone out their way and had “I LOVE YOU” written in the sky and all you’ve coughed up is a $10 bunch of flowers you picked up from the service station that have already begun to wilt.

What are you hoping to get for Valentine’s Day? Tell us all about it!

Jumping on the bandwagon of the ‘Podcasting‘ phenomenon, largely amateur radio shows that can be downloaded and played on a digital MP3 device like the Apple I-Pod, hence the name, porn-casts utilize the same technology yet to different ends. The more adult themed porn casts take a more sexual bent then the your regular Casey Kasem‘s top 40. “No matter what the technology is,” says Andrew Leyden, founder of podcastdirectory.com , “sex finds a way to get involved‘ . Tuning into these porn-casts you will find a wide array of amateur shock jocks orally fixated on anything sexual: obscure fetishes, sex advice, erotic readings, swinging tips, escort discussion, advice on how to use the internet to get laid or rope bondage tutorials as well has a host of other sexual charged shows, all of which can be beamed direct into your membrane via your I-pod.

Here is a list of some of the more interesting adult shows you can tune into on your I-Pod next time you are out walking the dog or working out at the gym:

Pod-Porn Pod Porn bills itself as the adult auditorium for intimate audio files. The repository of adult oriented porn cast, where the pod community shares its pod porn.

Sex Geeks
affirming the internet as still the domain of the geek, this duo covers “everything sex, from science to porn” and gives thought provoking discussion to anything sexual. I loved their look at the cultural significant of sex from an anthropological perspective. Worth checking out.

Open Source Sex
As one of the earliest porn casts this show has developed a considerable cult following . ‘ half explicit erotica, and half explicit sex instruction. ). This pron cast covers erotic fiction and some nonfiction sexual know-how, including sex instructor interviews, porn reviews and sex advice such as how to have a fetish party amongst other things.

Super Smart Radio Whore
Covering topics such as getting laid using the internet, female ejaculation and “How can I introduce my unwilling partner to anal play with my willing butt? Dedicated entirely to sex and sexuality, this was one of the very first adult porn casts.
MXL: Spice Up Your Sex Life
” Spice up your sex life the MXL way: blog & porn cast, tips & advice, private counseling, fantasies, erotic stories and more …” A porn cast dedicated to couples, offering sex advice on subject such as finding the G-spot, Role-Playing, Cyber Swinging and a w0068ole variety of adult fun.

If you have come across any other porn casts you would like to share, please post it in the Adult Forums to share with other guests.