In this article, we’ll look at how couples can balance having recreational sex with everything else that should matter to both partners in their day-to-day life, as well as easy plans to make the most of what little time some couples have at the end of a working week. Both defining your priorities in regards to swinging and having a game plan will help you meet other couples who may be most in tune with your needs. The overall aim is to customise your swinging style so that the lifestyle can be something you enjoy for years to come.

Don’t Get Burnt Out

“It sounds pathetic but Lou and I got so horny from our swinging experiences that little else mattered for a while. That is until we realised that a few month’s worth of Saturday nights of eating, drinking and shagging, minus our usual Sunday morning swim at the pool was not helping our waistline at all. We were getting unfit and looking pretty ordinary which started to make us feel pretty unsexy. It defeated the whole purpose of swinging and feeling good about ourselves.”

No one needs reminding that there are many things far more important than swinging, yet it’s also understandable for some couples to get caught up in the heady excitement of spicing up their sex lives (especially in the early days) that before they know it, other pleasures simply fall by the wayside. We’re all fickle creatures and can easily drop one interest for another but it’s important to ensure that your new interest doesn’t impact negatively on another. Burning the midnight oil (and beyond) on a Saturday night with a hot new date is all very well and good but if it regularly prevents you from your Sunday morning cycle, or taking Fido to the beach then you need to reconcile those changes.

Work out what is important to you and adjust your involvement in the lifestyle accordingly. There’s nothing wrong with being enthusiastic and meeting every couple who approaches you on RHP but be mindful of what has to give in order for you to do so. You may have to actually note what your limits are insofar as meeting people is concerned. Perhaps you may allow for every second Saturday to be play nights and the occasional Fridays and Sundays for meets. If you have always had a routine outside of the lifestyle, you should maintain it. Ideally, arrange dates around what you would normally do and not the other way around. If one Saturday a month you have a DVD night with your straight neighbours, then look at it as a your rostered night off from the swinging game.

Don’t forget your vertical (non-swinging) friends either. Swinging is a great way to make some close friends but make sure you leave enough time to maintain other ties, as less exciting as they may be. You may find over time that your horizontal friends are close enough to introduce to your vertical friends so your catch-ups can include both sets of friends, albeit with vertical activities. You can always get naughty later in the night once your vertical friends go home.

Failure To Launch

“Jane started studying full time and took on a job as a night-filler for Woolies while I agreed to do some work up at the mines a couple of weeks at a time. Aside from having less time to enjoy together, our swinging life has completely been wrecked. It’s not the be-all-and-end-all but we do feel left out.”

There are couples who would love to meet people non-stop but simply don’t have the time. Whether it is due to work or family commitments, there never seems to be a point in the week where a date can be arranged. On the rare moment an evening becomes free, there seems to be no one around to meet, or if you have been in touch with a couple briefly, you haven’t done enough online wooing (read pic swapping etc.) to coax them out for a drink. The frustration metre is close to overload!

If your work schedule is keeping you from arranging dates on the more conventional days and times, try organising a coffee or lunch date during the week with couples who are perhaps similarly flat out. You may not have an opportunity to play but at least you can meet people and build a rapport. If you do meet a couple that you’d like to get to know better, then hopefully you can organise a play time that suits everyone but without the added pressure of trying to impress upon them that you are interested and aren’t just making excuses as to why you can’t be nailed down for a date.

Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up over not being able to meet people as often as you like. You will find that a majority of couples are in the same boat and those who expect you to be free every weekend are probably not going to be people you will be able to maintain contact with for the long term. Let people know on RHP that you are indeed an active and interested couple but that your work situation means that meeting at a drop of a hat isn’t feasible. Laying these cards down should attract couples who understand where you’re coming from.

Target Time Compatible Couples

“We were soooo hot for a couple we chatted up on RHP but every time we tried to arrange a date with them, they either couldn’t get a babysitter, or one kid was sick or they were having a Tupperware party which we weren’t interested in. We started to wonder if they were really swingers and what was the point?”

Every couple’s home and work situation varies as much as the type of music you can listen to. Some couples do not have children and work from home whereas other couples may have a brood of five and work shifts or weekends. This makes for a lot of couples who are simply not compatible with each other just purely based on home and work commitments. That isn’t to say that couples on either extremes are never going to meet and play but it pays to be realistic in the lifestyle and either make allowances for people with less flexible lives, or seek out couples who have similar set-ups to you. This will save all parties from frustration and the use of the dreaded label ‘time waster’.

If your home and work situation changes dramatically (eg – your partner takes on a fly-in, fly-out job or there’s a new baby on the way) then you need to re-balance your lifestyle accordingly. There is no way you are going to play the same way but that doesn’t mean you should give up entirely either. You may not be able to say ‘yes’ to a date right away but if a night does free up, then use RHP’s DateFinder to get yourself a date. This is a great way to ensure a good night out (or in) without having to commit yourself prior to a free moment coming up.

Don’t forget: the point of swinging is to mix it up and meet lots of cool people (shagging lots of people is an option). If you come up against a stonewall with one couple, then move on to the next one until they’re able to come back to you with a time and day to meet. Sometimes all the arranging and waiting in the world can’t get you and a particular couple together so make the call and either give up completely or stick them on the back burner. The choice is always yours so don’t grumble. Find other play friends!

Clever Networking

“Dave and I didn’t plan it this way but we had double-booked ourselves with two awesome couples. We bit the bullet and explained to both what we had done and asked if they were OK about us all meeting. They both thought it was a great idea and we had a fun night. One couple was more into the girl/girl thing so went home but the other couple came back to ours and we’re still still having a good time.”? Any couple will tell you that it can take quite a few one-on-one dates to finally meet a twosome you really get hot and horny over. Some hit the proverbial bonanza and score on the first date but for others it can take time, patience and a good deal of coffee drinking. Add to this any time constraints you may have and months can pass since your last successful play date.

To remedy this, consider arranging group meets rather than meeting just one couple at time. Naturally this works best if you have already made some couple friends and they are amenable to arranging a date en masse. However some couples you are approaching for the first time may also be happy to meet you with another couple, so it may be worth investigating. Do stress to all concerned if playing is optional as some couples are happy to meet over drinks but prefer their playing one-on-one.

Other means of meeting lots of people at once is sexy couples parties and drinks nights. RedHotPie’s events section boasts fantastic events and parties well ahead of time so you can try and mastermind a fabulous night of swinging fun that can be worked into your busy diary.

On a final note, let’s keep in mind that it’s not a contest. No one gets an award for meeting the most couples on RHP so don’t feel compelled to compete or compare yourselves with others. Naughty Gen Y and Baby Boomer couples may have the luxury of time sans children or stressful jobs but everyone else will have one thing or another that prevents them from playing to the extreme. Even if you did, consider if you would anyway. At the end of the day, swinging is about sex and no one enjoys sex if they are pressured to perform or if they think they need to meet a quota of some sort.

Enjoy the opportunities that come your way without effort. Just do your part to try and keep the path as clear as possible.

Effort
One small downside with Internet personal ads is that because it is often free and easy to join, many people do not put a lot of effort into their ads, in that they do not provide a lot of useful information (eg – “I’m horny” –aren’t we all?). Ads that get a healthy amount of responses are well written, descriptive and have a fun sense of humour that appeals to everyone. Don’t be too out there either though. It can be hard to distinguish between a kooky personality and a raving lunatic by words alone, and you may find people are put off by the zaniness (or the blandness, as the case may be) before you even get a chance to meet in person. Be balanced and honest in writing about yourself.

Anonymity
While the downside of online personals is not knowing what you get until you meet in person, the upside is that you can remain relatively anonymous until you are ready to meet someone under your own terms. Discretion and anonymity are fairly essential for couples (who may be a high-profile member of the local community) and ‘singles’, who are possibly conducting an extra-marital tryst. Not giving away your true identity has many merits. If an online relationship sours before a meeting is actually arranged, then you’re fairly safe.
However, that very need to be discreet and anonymous on your part can also be viewed as rather cagey behaviour and therefore, your efforts to protect your privacy may end up backfiring and prevent you from meeting genuine people online. Your reluctance to exchange photographs and phone numbers may give your contacts the impression that you’re not what you are, and understandably so. If people are extending their trust to you, then it is only courteous to meet them half way.

Patience
There are many people advertising on the Internet, and given that most people have busy lives in general, you may not necessarily get a response right away. Unfortunately this is often the case with single guys replying to single girls. Competition can be tough, but with some patience and a decent reply to a girl’s ad, (“I want to get it on with you baby” probably doesn’t constitute decent), you should get through the throng.

False Advertising
Perhaps you haven’t kept up with technology and the only photograph you have in electronic form is the one take at your sister’s wedding 5 years ago? You may have an extra pound or two since then and perhaps your hair has started to thin? Well, a photo’s a photo right? Wrong!
If you don’t have a recent photograph of yourself then don’t attach anything to your profile. You’re better off giving an accurate written description of yourself than misrepresent yourself to potential new friends with an old photo. No one likes to be fooled, even if that wasn’t your intention.

On A Whim
Do not place an ad on an online personals site unless you are prepared to eventually meet someone (if the right person comes along of course). You are never obliged to meet people who respond to your ad, but if lack of compatibility with a respondent isn’t the main reason why you don’t go as far as arranging a coffee date, then you’re not being fair to the genuine people who advertise on the site. Of course, if you’re sincerely not sure about meeting people in the flesh (it’s possibly your first time), then let your respondents know that you’d like to take it slow. You can suggest some e-mail exchanges, or chat over the phone initially before arranging a date.Seeking New Friends Many of the principles for placing ads on online personals sites apply to people who plan to respond to ads. This is particularly the case with issues of discretion and honesty, as well as being genuine in your intention to meet people in person. However, there are a few other points that people should consider before responding to an ad.

Be Aware of Your Rivals
If you are a single guy replying to a single girl’s ad, then you are more than likely going to be writing to a lady who may be receiving up to 10 responses a day. For this reason, you will need to make your response stand out from the crowd. You aren’t obliged to do so, but sending a photograph would certainly attract attention (full body or face shot – obscured, or not). Many men are inclined to send the infamous ‘dick pic’, but not all women find them appealing.
More importantly, take time to write something interesting about yourself. You should write more than a couple of sentence but not a one-page essay. Be as accurate as you can with spelling and grammar and try not to use expletives (“I’d love to *&%^ you all night honey” etc). That can come much later if all goes well.Know Your Etiquette
Don’t bother asking for a picture of the person who placed the ad unless you have sent one of yourself first. The general rule with picture sending dictates that the person responding to an ad should send a picture first. The person you are writing to is not obliged to send one back, (it would be courteous if they did so) but you are entitled to ask for one back politely (don’t demand). If you are reluctant to part with photographs initially, then let that be known.

Are You What They Want?
Before even tapping out your response, read the advertisement carefully. People don’t just put words up for decorative purposes. If you are a single male writing to a couple or single female, make sure that they are seeking single men. If the person has specific preferences in terms of age, build, height, religion or appendage size, then consider those before sending a reply to his or her ad. Some people may be less strict about their preferences, but some are not. Sexual orientation and martial statuses are also points that should be taken seriously.On a final note, everyone who utilises online personals should be respectful and courteous to others. Many people spend considerable time and money to try and meet like-minded friends, and everyone should be committed to fostering an online community that should only be about having fun.