Steve Maraboli  clarifies it beautifully;  “Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”

Read this quote as many times as you need to, for it to sink in. Losing years over a breakup; is time you can never bring back.  So, get over your ex and move on to live your life and open up to new opportunities. Dwelling on a breakup for too long will not bring back a relationship that was not meant to be. Furthermore, it will stop you from starting possibly a great new relationship. 

Moving on from someone you loved and shared a chunk of your life together is not easy or pain free. The truth is they leave a lasting impression. They once mattered, but don’t delay the healing process through denial and empty wishes. 

Do yourself a favour and delete your ex from your phone and all your social media. Accept that it is over, wish them well and move on with your life. Sometimes two people are not meant to stay together, they have a phase where they learn and grow together and once that is over so is their relationship. 

Accept the end of the relationship and embrace the new beginning. Be brave to let go and brave to accept what is coming next on your journey. Maybe is a time to enjoy being single and get to know more about yourself. Maybe you will meet your soulmate.

Whatever is next, wipe the slate clean and let in life. Experience the joy, hope and excitement of the new chapter. When you are ready to move on, new things are there for you to experience.

Featured photo by Dineslav Roydev on Unsplash

Nobody in dating history has ever said: “Dating is easy.”

The truth is, dating is probably one of the hardest and complicated things you have to navigate in life. The good thing is that you are not alone.

If you are going through some bad stuff now, it’s very likely that someone else has gone through the exact same. Thanks to social media, someone has already shared a similar experience with the world, along with some lessons learned and free advice on how to go about it.

It might be well worth checking these 6 of the best dating feeds on Instagram. For some dating advice and positive vibes to make you feel good about your dating life.

@createthelove

“Human connection specialist” and relationship expert Marl Groves uses his @createthelove Instagram feed to give encouragement on how to love yourself and others.

@notengaged

At @notengaged, Mary McCarthy reminds followers that it’s OK to be single. She shows single people that they can still live an awesome, adventurous life without being attached to someone else. There are many photos of her hand without a ring in various places around the world and her local area, driving in the point that singles can have just as much as anyone else.

@datingnotes

This is a flirty, fun and a source of inspiration for romantics at heart. At @datingotes is all about good feels.  

@al_abt_love

Wherever you are in your love life, @al_abt_love is a feed that inspires. There’s no expert advice just tons of quotes that touch on every aspect of dating and relationships to help you feel less alone with your thoughts. It’s great to know that there are others who feel the same as you.

@therealsinglelife

Real-life is not sugar-coated like it’s often presented in social media, it’s a lot scarier. The truth in RL is different from the pics you see in your social media feeds, which is why @therealsinglelife has hilarious memes and sassy quotes that are rooted in reality to the get the truth out.  Followers post their “true” stories and funny memes about being single for others to enjoy. This is truly funny and an eye-opener.  

@yoursingleshow

Humour can make a lot of things better. That’s what Laura Lane and Angela Spera are out to achieve in their Instagram feed @yoursingleshow. They offer advice that is comical and insightful too.

Dating is hard sometimes, but it can be fun also. It can be a roller coaster of highs and lows, and that’s precisely why it’s so interesting. These Instagram-feeds can help learn to enjoy the ride because there are so many people going through the same motions as you.

Main image: Pixabay

After a period of time, the words ‘I love you’ can only carry so much weight. Here are 15 small ways to show your partner that you love them with more than words.

1. Doing those unwanted and annoying tasks

Do the dishes or the laundry. Clean the cat’s litter. Make dinner. Do something that is normally your partners ‘task’, not because they have asked you to, but to lighten the load for them on any given day.

2. Small unexpected gifts

Gifts aren’t reserved for occasions, sometimes the best gifts can come spontaneously. Whether it be something your partner mentioned in passing, something small you know that they need or have run out of, or a treat on a bad day. It’s less about the material item itself, and more about the thought behind the gift.

3. Show patience and kindness

Sometimes existing alongside another person can be frustrating and try your patience. The old adage ‘Love is patient, love is kind’ still rings true. Try not to sweat the small stuff, particularly if you live together. There are going to be things about each other that will annoy you, but they don’t need to be a big deal or a fight.

4. Cleaning up, beyond the call of duty

Honestly, there is nothing sexier than a partner scrubbing the toilet or shower, unasked.

5. Be weird together

Be comfortable enough to let your freak flag fly. Be weird and strange with each other. Sing and dance and enjoy each other’s company.

6. Create together

Whatever you might enjoy. Art, music, gardening, play a sport, cook together. Creating together is a valuable way to bond and learn new skills

7. Encourage their hobbies and be their cheer squad

Just because you might not understand your partner’s hobby, does not make it any less valid. Get interested in their stuff. Be their cheer squad, tell them that you support them (even If it bores you to tears) and don’t criticize or put down the things they love or are passionate about.

8. Believe in each other

Encourage each other to try new things and take (measured) risks. Help each other to not be perpetually afraid of failure.

9. Be unafraid to tell them when they are hurting themselves. Love can be harsh honesty

Whether it’s drinking, laziness, or a really bad beard, sometimes love is hard truths.

10. Break routine occasionally

Find a new restaurant. Find a new sexual position or act. Go somewhere you’ve never been together before.

11. Allow each other space, cohabitation doesn’t mean co-existence

Remember that alone time is important, and having your own space is important. Allow each other time apart, go on separate trips, and encourage them to spend time with their friends. Time apart can actually make your time together more valuable.

12. Bring positive energy

Be a beacon of light for your partner. It’s tempting to unload your emotional stress and baggage on your partner, and it’s important to share your worries and fears with each other. But remember to share your happiness and love with them as well.

13. Lower each other’s stress levels, be calm in a crisis

If your partner is stressed out, take a second to breathe with them. Offer a massage, or do something together that they enjoy. Sometimes the best thing you can do for a stressed person is to be a calming influence.

14. Be your best self

Don’t stop trying just because you’re in a long-term relationship. Get dressed up and make an effort occasionally, strive to be your best self for you, and for them.

15. Hug it out

Physical touch is extremely important, not just in a sexual context. Sit close to your partner, touch their hair or legs and arms. Cuddle and hug each other, just because you can. Physical touch increased bonding and releases serotonin.

We all have had a crush and for some of us, we’re crushing hard right now. What is worse, is when you have a crush and they are taken. It’s sweet-bitter pain. How can you avoid this hard blow of fate? Your poor, poor heart, because suffering from a crush is almost as bad a breakup. The pain is real. There’s no magic solution for unreturned love but here are 6 ways to cope when your crush is taken.

1. Avoid any social interaction

Avoid going to places where you know your crush is going to be at. You just don’t want to spend your time looking at your crush and suffering through every minute of the night wondering ‘what could have been’. It’s emotional torture.

Go out to a place where you can let loose and totally forget about your crush. Get some of your friends and go out dancing or drinking. Dance, laugh and drink the night away, have a good time and learn that life is sweet without the presence of your crush. This self-imposed avoidance strategy will allow you the emotional distance you need to move on.

2. Limit your social media

If you are friends with your crush, yes you guessed it, either unfollow or mute them or avoid social media for a while. Seeing your crushes Instagram stories, Facebook updates will only magnify your sadness and your emotional attachment. Don’t feed your mind with impossible fantasies and project ideas that are unrealistic it’s just plain unhealthy. You have a life and you need to go out there and live it.

3. Stop looking for excuses

Your partner’s crush is not an evil conspire who only rocked up to ruin your chances at love. Stop fantasising and looking for excuses. Casting your crush’s partner as some villain tricks you into thinking you are better for your crush. This unhealthy fixation will perpetuate the unrealistic fantasy that you will end up together. Accept that your crush chose someone other than you.

4. Enlist your friends to help or plan activities

Hang out more with your friends. Go out with them and have fun. Get into a few sports; rock climbing, bike riding, or hiking. Why not go on a date? Do anything to remind you that your crush is not the only way to happiness, that there are so many things out there that make you happy.

5. Establish firm boundaries

If your crush knows you like them it’s no big deal. It’s flattering to find out someone likes you but be careful. Some people might see this as an opportunity to use and manipulate you. Your crush could string you along to have their own ego flattered. It’s important to set up some firm rules to avoid doing something you may end up regretting. Certainly, you are opening up to getting hurt. If you can’t eliminate social interactions altogether, make a rule not to physically touch your crush. If you go out for drinks, pace yourself as you do not want alcohol to cloud your judgement.

6. Accept that your crush is taken

This is the kindest thing you can do for yourself, accept that your crush is taken. Your crush has chosen to be with someone other than you and although your heartaches it’s time for you to gaze elsewhere for love and affection.

Unrequited love sucks, but it’s not meant to be and moving forward with your life will open opportunities and new love into your life. So, stay busy and fill your life with activities. Hang out with friends who will show you fun and lend a listening ear when you need it and hopefully give you sound advice too.

How do you deal with it when you’re into someone who is taken? What are your strategies and your theories?

Favorite RedhotPie Members Songs to Make Love To:

• Beautiful- Pharel & Snoop Dog
• Lets Get It On -Marvin Gaye ( Thanks for the correction Luv_my_tongue)
• Lets Get It On -Marvin Gaye ( Thanks for the correction Luv_my_tongue)
• Light my Fire – The Doors
• This is Hardcore – Pulp
• Smack My Bitch Up – Prodigy
• Fucking You Tonight – R Kelly
• Sexual Healing – Marvin Gaye
• Snoop Dog- Doghouse
• You Sexy Thing – Hot Chocolate
• Pour Some Sugar on Me – Def Leppard
• Lovin‘ Touchin‘ Squeezin‘ – Journey
• I Like The Way You Move – Bodyrockers
• Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me – U2
• Like a Virgin – Madonna
• Fuck Her Gently – Tenacious D
• Eye of The Tiger – Survivor
• The Final Countdown – Europe
• Smack My Bitch Up – Prodigy
• I’m in Love With a Stripper -Mike Jones
• Fucking You Tonight – R Kelly
• Moaner- Underworld
• Knockin‘ Boots – H-Town
• Light my Fire – The Doors
• Love Dump – Static-X
• Cock Pushups – Tenacious D
• Barry White – Deeper and Deeper
• Barry White – You Sexy Thing
• Barry White – Can‘t Get Enough of Your Love
• Marvin Gaye – Sexual Healing
• We Will Rock You – Queen
• You shook me all night long – AC/DC
• Butthole Surfers- Other Peoples Eyes (Submited by johnpulse)
• Making Good Love – Avant (Submited by izzy_69)

Send in your favourite love making tunes to community@redhotpie.com.au.

* Independence and a successful lifestyle. This means having your own personal style, taking care of yourself without obsessing and finding time for your friends and family. Nothing is more attractive to a guy than a girl who knows how to have a good time on her own and looks for a man that shares her dreams not dominates them. A girl who likes doing things by herself and with friends, not one who wants to be around her man 24/7. A woman who knows how to live life on her own is the type who is most likely to be able to lead a successful and balanced relationship with a man.

* Waiting for the man to chase. This is a difficult topic to define, but generally, men like to do the chasing in the beginning of a relationship. Pursuing a man may not give you a chance to see his true feelings. If he is keen, he will initiate dates and outings, as well as call you regularly. Sitting back and waiting for him to do the running can pretty much guarantee that he is interested in you!

* Being sexy not slutty. In the beginning stages of a relationship, a woman should not be too forceful or crude so she doesn’t come across as overwhelming or unfeminine. Flirting is fine but no grabbing of the genitals or bum! If you are inclined to touch a man, make sure it’s a light touch on the arm or knee. As the relationship progresses, stronger displays of affection (especially in public) are more appropriate. Only then is playing footsies under the table okay to do!

* Not having sex too soon. This is a highly debated area, and reactions will vary with different people and situations. Once you take that first step, there’s no going back! For women, sex actually releases a hormone called oxytocin, which may make women become more attached than men, in a shorter time span. Men don’t deal with this very well, and can end up running. So it can be a good idea to get to know your man a little bit before you do the deed, even if the attraction is strong.

* It’s about the small things in life. You should show your man you care about him with small signs, such as preparing his clothes for the following day, or buying him little treats that you know he loves. Men are used to being pampered by their mother, and while you shouldn’t strive to be their next mum, you should pay some attention to his needs. This is how men can tell you care about them. In turn, you will notice him doing the little things for you.

* Show him your support. Stand by him in times of need, laugh at his jokes and help him get back up again. He will naturally do the same for you!

* Never apply pressure to your vested interest. This is an important issue, as men hate any sort of pressure. That means no incessant emailing or texting and no talking about the future in the first few months. And the ‘m’ word – don’t even think about it. Don’t worry, men will pop the question on their own when they are ready, and when they realize what they’ve got!

* Don’t tolerate bad behaviour. Guys respect women with whom they can’t get away with anything. If he knows there are consequences for his actions (like getting kicked to the curb for cheating) he’ll have a lot more respect for you, and of course isn’t likely to commit the crime. Married or attached men are out of bounds as they are likely to repeat the treatment. Of course verbal and physical abuse should not be tolerated under any circumstances.

* Choosing the right type of guy. There are many definitions of a good man, but he should be honest, dependable and supportive. He has to treat you right, and stick to his word. Chivalry is not dead, just somewhat difficult to find these days. Manners and politeness can give a good indication of how your man was brought up and how he is likely to treat you. Spending habits of both partners should also be reviewed as money is the number one argument topic for couples.

* Understanding the importance of love. Being in love can mean many different things to many different people. But generally, it should be a feeling of security and comfort, and a future together. Caring about someone’s feelings as much as you care about your own. And a wonderful feeling of well-being and happiness.