Breakups suck. They are both emotionally and psychologically demanding. It’s the reason why many people endure a bad relationship even though they know splitting up is the right call. All the signs are there that the relationship is over but we delude ourselves a little longer just because breaking up is the worse.

When you do break up, what is the best self-care routine? We came up with 5 ways to get rid of your breakup blues and navigate the post-breakup blues.

1. Cut all contact

Even if you are planning to be friends with your ex, it’s a great idea, at least in the beginning, to keep your distance. It will give you the space to re-order your thoughts and organise your fresh start.

Explain to them that you are going to block them from your social media for a while. Do not call them or text them during this vulnerable time. Once you have your new start sorted then if all parties are happy you can work on your new friendship.

If you ever feel tempted to call your ex;  have a list of friends you can call instead. Oh yeah, delete your ex’s number from your phone. Write it somewhere and the very action to look for your ex’s phone gives you enough time to think and stop yourself from calling.

2. Let your emotions out

When you split up, is perfectly normal to be sad, disappointed and heartbroken. It is important to grieve a breakup; allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come with it, it’s part of the healing process.

Have a ‘cleansing party’ with your friends. Call them over and watch some sad movie, pour out your heart to your friends and then enlist their help with getting rid of things that belong to your ex. This certainly will help you with your post-breakup blues. These little deflecting acts are key to pushing past the break-up blues.

3. Focus on you

After a relationship breakup is natural to feel lost. Rediscover yourself and start doing what you couldn’t while you were in the relationship. Take up painting, standup paddle or hiking. Focus on your passions without compromising. Do the things you always wanted to try. Create new experiences that make you feel alive and happy.

4. Take your time before getting into another relationship

When you get out of a relationship, it feels like getting into a new one will soothe the pain away. It rarely works. Give yourself time to reflect on the lessons learned and allow yourself to heal from your breakup. Think about the kind of partner you want to seek out next. What priorities and boundaries are important to you in your new relationships. 

5. Put yourself first

Breakups are hard. Do not feel guilty about being selfish and taking time for yourself. Use this time to do things that bring you joy and in time the breakup blues will dissipate and you will be ready to take on the world again. 

Featured photo by Joshua Rawson-Harris on Unsplash

Breakups and how to deal with them

Breaking up is soul destroying, it’s painful and torture until the day it just ceases to be. It’s a long walk through the darkest and torturous terrain of loneliness and self-doubt. A true soul searching, but once you’ve gone through the motion, you hopefully come out a stronger, more confident and self-assured individual.

But remaining friends with your ex will prolong this torture for far longer than it needs to be and inevitably will delay the healing that is needed after the breakup. If you are thinking that maybe there is a chance that you could remain friends with your ex, please take long hard look at yourself and ask. Are you ready to suffer longer than you should?

Consider these 9 reasons carefully:

1. Stop fooling yourself

You’re hoping that by some chance things will change and your loved one will see reason and ask you back. STOP this train of thought. Nothing is going to change your present situation. Nobody breaks up on the spur of the moment, your partner has been thinking about it for months now. It’s over and you need to move on. And it won’t happen when you’re hoping and holding on to this fake friendship.

2. Stop the torture

You hanging out ‘as friends’ and then suddenly they do or say something funny, cute or adorable that makes you laugh and all you want to do is hug them – but you can’t. Or worse you get in and they move away AWKWARD! Why, but why would anyone put themselves in this predicament.

3. Flashbacks

You can’t erase the past and there’ll be moments when vivid images of the sweat past moments together come flashing through your mind, especially when they are around you way too much. You’ve seen each other naked and if you’re not letting go of these loving feeling, they will torment your heart and mind. Put a distance between the two of you, NOW.

4. Awkward friendship

Real true friends, can and will talk about anything. They will listen to each other without fear of resentment or judgement. Can you really hear them talk about their new love interest? Hearing them talk about their personal life is going to feel awkward.

5. Can get confusing

You have a history together, you probably have nicknames for each other and at times things might play out as when you were romantically involved. It can get awkward and confusing really fast. Mixed feelings are the worse and this is a very good reason to just not stay friends with your ex.

6. Throw your friends off

Your friends will not know how to act around your ex. Your friends know the pain your ex has caused you, and to ask your friends to pretend to be friendly toward your ex is too much, it’s darn selfish really. You might risk losing your friends temporarily because no one can take being around someone who has caused somebody they love a lot of pain.

7. Moment of truth

Now the moment of truth hits you hard. Your ex tells you they are interested in someone else and instead of feeling happy for them, you feel jealous and crashed maybe even betrayed. It’s like being hit by a bad smell when you least expected it. Yeah, true friends feel happy for their friends. This is the strongest sign that NO you cannot stay friends with your ex.

8. It’s not healthy

Your heart has been broken, why torment it further? Why spend time and energy on someone who is not going to make you happy and has broken your heart? If you broke up because of infidelity, character issues, hurtful comments or incompatibility, why are you choosing to continue to invest on someone who is not for you? You are not meant to be. Pursuing a friendship with your ex is just not healthy, it’s hurting your heart, your mind and your fragile sense of being. Drop this ‘unhealthy’ friendship as of now. Place your energy in finding someone who deserves you.

9. Killing your chance of finding love

Having your forever hopeful heart holding on, hoping for a change, is killing your chances of finding new love. When you are hanging out with your ex, it appears to others that you are together so no one will even try to approach you. LOSE your ex and start a new page in your romantic life. Yes, it’s going to be painful for a while, but you need to go through the motion to be able to start new.

What do you think about being friends with an ex? Is it possible or not?