Male sexual response: Men need to get physical to open up and emotionally connect with their partner.

Female sexual response: Women need to feel emotionally connected to their partner before opening up physically.

How do we make relationships work when our physical intimacy responses are exactly opposites? Wouldn’t this then lead to long-term relationships ending in resentful and sexless pairings?

Some relationships wind up succumbing to resentful and sexless affairs, but the truth is they needn’t.  Bridging this opposing approach to intimacy is not impossible, all it requires, is to understand each other’s sexual responses.

What is the secret to a long, healthy sex life? A husband’s ability to turn his partner on, lads, it’s also knowing what turns her off too.

If you are doing these 5 unsexy things men do that turn women off sex and kill the mood, it’s time you stopped as they might be the reason things went from hot to not.

1.    You don’t look after yourself

Human bodies change through the years and we all accept that. All it takes, is to show you are making an effort at maintaining your appearance. This signals to your partner that they are worth making an effort for.

2.    Groping her is a big NO

Randomly groping her boobs or ass does not cause her to like or love you more, it often can be irritating. Neither does touching her only when you want sex work toward building intimacy.

Intimacy can be cultivated in many ways, such as spending quality time together, enjoying physical, non-sexual contact, or enjoying shared interests and listening to each other. Sex is only one way in which people give and receive love, so although it is very important, it is not the only way to develop or express intimacy.

Lads this is what you need to take from this: Intimacy for women starts way before she has made her way into the bedroom.  Genuinely compliment her, help her out with house chores, whisper sweet nothings into her ears, cuddle her and kiss her without sexual intent. These will make her feel loved, appreciated and valued and now is she truly geared for more.

3.    Avoiding foreplay

There have been studies that showed 75% women can’t orgasm from vaginal sex alone, which makes foreplay ultimately the number one skill for any man to be considered a good and considered lover.

Apart from this obvious element, there is one that is most important to any woman’s desire – her mind.

Men get turned on with their eyes, and women get turned on with their ears and mind. Women need to feel heard, to feel loved, to feel safe, valued, desired and vulnerable for physical intimacy.

While all the above is true, women have a role in being open to sex. To nurture this sexual openness in your partner the best thing you can do as a man is to continuously reassure her of your love and your desire for her.

4.    Learn what pleases your partner

We are all different and what turns one woman on might be another’s turn-off. Find out what your partner’s turn-ons and turn-offs are. Real intimacy and great sex only happens when both are enjoying yourselves.

Ensure that she’s as aroused as you are and that she achieves her orgasms too.

5.    Learn to take rejection

Getting angry, sulking or giving your partner the silent treatment after she turns you down is only going to cement your sexless relationship rut.

This is probably the hardest thing to navigate in a relationship. Nobody likes to be rejected, it hurts and is ego deflating, but occasionally your partner has the right to say “no” to sex.

If it happens all the time, it’s a problem you both need to address. However, if it happens ever so often, as she might not be in the mood, then making her feel bad will make her feel resentful.  Feelings of resent never lead to a hot, sexy fun.

Occasionally, she might go with the flow, because we all know that no one can bring their A game every single time.

Sex is a wonderful part of any relationship and the husband who knows his wife deeply and understands his wife’s dynamics of intimacy will enjoy a wonderful life of intimacy and sex. When you build her intimacy it will lead to sex and sex will lead to intimacy.

Unlike you, your wife needs to feel emotionally connected to you before she is able to physically express it. So, the most important thing you can do to make sure your wife feels turned on and desires you, is making sure your marriage, outside the bedroom, is in a good place.

What has worked in your relationship to increase intimacy and sex? Please share in the comments section below.

There are numerous factors contributing to inability for men and women to connect completely in the sexual sense. From the fractured state of masculinity in the 21st century, to pornography, to toilet wall sex education… all these things maybe misinforming and without direct and open lines of communication between the sexes, it’s easy to see how the problem becomes self perpetuating.

Unfortunately, men are often too proud to ask questions, and women are too embarrassed to suggest possible improvements but that’s exactly where we must start. Girls, as the saying goes, don’t ask and you don’t get, so you have no grounds for complaint if you haven’t at least tried to address these concerns with your man. Sure his ego might get a little roughed up but in time as he’s watching you fly through your third orgasm, I’m sure his inner caveman will be chest thumping like crazy!

And gents, it’s true, some girls want you to man up and dominate in the bedroom but if you’re not that guy yet then you’re going to have to ask questions. Look at it this way, the more questions you ask, the more answers you get and with each new relationship you are going to be better equipped. So ask your girl what she wants, how you can improve, if she likes foreplay, if she likes anal play, if she would mind dirty talk… it’s all going to lead to better sex in the end, if not with her, then your next partner.

So we’re starting to get a dialogue going which is of course half the battle, so let’s get onto foreplay. Now we’re talking about sex here, so there are no hard and fast rules, the only consistent is that everyone is different and we will all change our mood and desire dependent on our circumstance, so again… our best friend is communication, especially in a new relationship. It can be as simple as asking a partner if they’re into foreplay, if they are then you can expand on your questioning to really get your mind around their likes and dislikes.

Ladies, it’s very important to be vocal about foreplay as it will often go a long way to ensuring you’re ready to enjoy the main event to follow, so coach your man a little. If he’s pressing the clitoris like a nitrous button, ask him to work up to it, make it out of bounds for the first ten minutes – the men like a challenge!

Unfortunately it’s all too common for the modern man to mimic what’s he’s seen or rely on the dodgy information he’s been given, so thanks to drunken pub talk and racy porn films you can expect a cock in your face, a quick finger if you’re lucky and bang; you away and racing. Again, don’t be afraid to pump the brakes and withhold the prize until you’re ready to hit the gas with your man.

Something for both parties to remember is that sex, be it foreplay or penetration is not about routine; a repeated cycle will soon become boring and ineffective so keep things fresh. Maybe you’re partner likes foreplay, but don’t be afraid to read the situation, maybe you’ve just sat through a particularly horny film, try to empathise with your partner, he or she may well be thinking the same dirty thoughts as you. A little bit of sexual initiative will often lead to the hottest, hardest most spontaneous sexual encounters.

Now once things are underway we may encounter the premature evacuation of the testes. Now this can be embarrassing and demoralizing for a lot of guys so ladies, a little kindness and a few carefully chosen words will help the situation no end. Play it up, remember the guy is launching early because having sex with you obviously blows his mind, so take it as a compliment and work toward a solution. Keeping the mood light will make things easier. Gentle quips like “Jesus, you must think I’m Jessica Simpson hot” or “how good am I at working the pump?!? I want another go” might get a smile and ease any tension that’s present.

If your boy is prone to blowing early, accommodate his speed, give him head or hand and tell him it’s ok to come straight away, he can return the favour while his marbles reload then you can both go at it proper and his staying power should be greatly increased!

Boys, if this woman is letting you stick your appendage inside her, there’s a good chance she likes you enough to be sympathetic to your situation. Don’t shrink up and get embarrassed, be open about it and ask her what else you could do for her while you recover, again this is a chance to get some information about what she likes. Hopefully as you become better educated inre her likes and dislikes your ability to please her will increase, thus decreasing your anxieties and your premature arrivals.

Once penetration is achieved, don’t feel like you’re locked in the race toward the finish line, enjoy the act but know you can break away to spice things up with more head, kissing, rubbing, fondling or anything that increases the connection; believe me, you’ll always return to the penetration so mix it up.

Afterplay is possibly the most important part of the entire sexual cycle so far as the connection between a couple goes. The physical goal has been achieved and the exposed afterglow can be just as intense as any climax. So try to avoid instant slumber, or an inquisition on the future of the relationship, feel free to enjoy the moment, the warmth of another body, the acceptance of another human being. The petting and cuddling can build intense connection and if your lucky lead to more sex, crazy, deep sex!

Have you got any tips to improve our modern sex lives? Share your comments below!