The element of excitement, of novelty and exploration will be a driving force throughout anyone’s life journey; the only difference is where we find it.

With some couples they find it in the playground of the swinger’s world or the lifestyle.

Opening your relationship to this lifestyle will bring along challenges, one such challenge is learning how jealousy fits into this kind of relationship.
If you’re going to be in the lifestyle, you have to figure out how you’re going to deal with this strong emotion out in the open. Once you learn how to deal with it, it will make your connection stronger.

Everyone deals with it differently, but the most important and freeing factor about dealing with this emotion is the evolution it allows you to experience. From jealous, turbulent feelings you progress into compersion.

Below are the 6 steps of this development.

1.  Almost everyone gets jealous in various degrees – It’s really ok!

Jealousy is that heavy feeling that grabs you when you think about your partner getting frisky or sharing a connection with someone else other than you. It’s an emotion not strange to the majority of us. There are some people who claim to not feeling jealousy, but for the majority of us, jealousy is an emotion we are all too familiar with.

Jealousy is good. Jealousy means you care. It’s not about whether you feel jealous, but how you channel that feeling.
Some channel it into anger, some feel resentful, and some lucky ones feel excited.
To keep this emotion in check, you first need to recognise and admit that you feel jealous, so it doesn’t sneak up on you at the worst time.
Ironically, a small part of jealousy sits comfortably with feelings of excitement. It reiterates those feelings you had before you settled down, the sweat-bitter feeling that you might lose your love interest to another. The driving force to keep you on your toes and try your best to prove you are the ‘better choice’. In a nutshell, the conquest game all over again, hence the appeal of the lifestyle.

2.  Darker side of jealousy is often hiding other bigger issues

Take time to assess why you are feeling jealous. The problem with jealousy is that it masks other feelings and attitudes that are even more hurtful to us and those closest to us. Jealousy can be shielding deep-seated feelings of possessiveness, insecurity or shame formed by bad experiences in the past.
Being able to recognise these in yourself can help you work through feelings of jealousy when they do arise. Understanding the roots, triggers and reasons for our feelings of jealousy is an important part of maintaining a healthy relationship, monogamous or not.

We can act against the thoughts that tell us to be suspicious, mistrusting and accusatory and in the long run it will strengthen you as an individual and improve your trust and communication with your partner.
3. Do you get turned-on by watching your partner with someone else?

    Apparently, there’s a term for it, it’s called COMPERSION.

Compersion is such a new concept, that it needs explaining…

Compersion means the feeling of being turned-on or excited for your partner when they have a good time with someone else other than you.

Yep, it’s a real thing!

Most people don’t feel compersion automatically, because we are just not conditioned for it, it’s not something we’re socialized to feel. We are taught that jealousy is a natural response of loving someone and possession is an expression of passion.

Compersion is contrary to how we view relationships and expect to operate in them. We are raised to believe that when we are one half of a couple, we should derive all our happiness and pleasure from that single partner and only experience it together with that partner. Compersion challenges this ideology.

Compersion is about acknowledging your partner’s separate needs, desires and sexual experiences. This will strengthen your relationship. Prehaps, a vast majority of you have experienced compersion many times and it’s a great feeling. This amazing feeling could possibly explain why so many couples are into hotwife and cuckold fantasies.

4.   Can anyone attain compersion?

It’s not for everyone, but most people can have that feeling if they communicate properly.

It’s a gradual process, with lots of honest and open communication with your partner.

First identify why you feel jealous. What are its roots and triggers. Once you identified them you can stop them from taking control. Most importantly, keep communicating with each other. Express your feelings and tell them when you are feeling jealous. Expressing your feeling of jealousy early is better than letting them fester. An understanding partner knows that compersion is achieved through time and lots of talk. By giving it a go, you could open your heart to many happy and interesting possibilities.

5.    Expect a fluctuation between Jealousy and compersion

Just because you felt compersion once, it doesn’t mean you have melted away feelings of jealousy forever. It takes time; you need to feel confident in yourself and your relationship. It’s important to remember that this is a journey and not a race.

It’s important to remember this, if you are feeling something that means it’s real, it doesn’t mean you’re allowed to act however you want. Bursts of jealous rage, or any other unacceptable behaviour in front of other people who are not at fault is not acceptable.

6.    Communication invalidates jealousy

Communication is the premise of non-monogamous relationships, in part because if there isn’t transparency in these relationships it will head to collision.
If you start feeling jealous communicate this to your partner so it doesn’t fester into bigger emotions of resentment and anger.
Also in conjunction to expressing yourself in a relationship is listening, actively and openly, without judgement or interruption.

How do you deal with your feelings of jealousy? Please share with us in the comments section below.

Try not to judge others for what works for them. You’ll surprise yourself often when you realize a bit later down the line that what you shunned yesterday and didn’t seem to identify with is the very thing you are into today.

You’ll also find many people change what they identify as or what they’ll do, often based on factors in their own life. Comfort level, attraction, personal growth, insecurities, new and past experiences all contribute to what we are and what we want right now.

Is it true then to say that there is no strict definition for what ‘swingers’ are? Sure, it is comforting to have tidy labels, but the truth is swinging may take on a wide variety of different forms. Considering there are all types of couples and singles with an endless array of sexual likes. Let’s start with the hypothesis that we have the best experiences when there are many ‘types’ and ‘styles’ of swingers. With this in mind, let’s list some of the types or subcultures of swinging:

Erotic Swinging

Also known as Voyeurism and Exhibitionists. This is where partners/coupes only want to be watched or do the watching. They do not want to be touched or interfered with in any way and get their excitement from the thrill of being watched by several people or watching others.

Soft swap

Couples or partners that choose to “soft swap” with other couples or singles. It involves others touching, kissing, oral but not partners swapping for penetration.

Full swap

This type can include everything soft swap does as well as penetration. It could literally mean anything. A full swap couple may be fine with dinner and dancing and then sex. Or it could also mean meeting in a hotel room for a group orgy without knowing anyone’s name.

Same room or separate room swingers

This is what it sounds like. It typically refers to full swap or at least partner swapping soft swap. Swingers that play in the same room (with opposite partners) or that are willing to play in separate rooms. Swingers are often polarized and one type of the other can often be a deal breaker. Though plenty of swingers will do both depending on how comfortable they are. Same room seems to be the more common preference, but like anything in the lifestyle, you can find anything you are looking for if you’re patient enough.

Hardcore Swingers

These people typically don’t want any kind of connection. You may or may not see them around often, but they typically don’t want to cultivate relationships, have feelings or get too close to anyone other than their partner. They know exactly what they want, how they want it, and who they want it with. They insist on anonymous sex with those whose names they don’t even know.

Social Swingers

These swingers typically enjoy friendships and/or relationships of varying degrees.
This is when a couple enjoys being among swingers and its sexy atmosphere. At no time do they send you messages of wanting to play. They do not go to the playrooms even for a quick look. They just enjoy the energy of being around a more open crowd, where they can freely talk, flirt and dress sexy.

Girl on girl

These swingers are often married, though single females are often welcome as well. Men do not typically engage with the women during events. It is fairly female dominated. Men may or may not be allowed to watch and the primary focus is women getting to play with other women. Just like all types of swinging, this could lead to anything all parties agree too.

Bisexual Male Swingers

These are swingers who are either bi-curious or are looking for a bisexual male experience. Often their encounters starts as girl on girl encounter and after much talk and if all parties are comfortable and open to it might progresses into a MMF experience. Due to social perception the latter is still a bit taboo among many swingers. Still to today, at most swing venues, bisexuality is encouraged among women, but not so much among men-at least in public. Bi-Sexuality with men is much more common than people think, and because of the stigma attached to it, it is done behind closed doors.

Cuckold Swingers

The cuckold fetish is a sexual fantasy that many men and swingers secretly have. This is not a new fantasy at all; it has been around for a long time but was less accepted and not openly spoken of. The fantasy revolves around the man getting sexually excited from the idea or sight of his wife being with another man, and sometimes feeling humiliated by the superiority of the other man. This last part isn’t always at play, though it is about sperm competition.

Many man find the prospect of watching their wives have sex with other guys to be sexually arousing. For a lot of men, this is a major turn-on, and can help their sexual performance. Think about how much hotter men are early on in the relationship when things are a bit uncertain.

Like everything sexual, cuckolding has many variations, motives and incentives but more on that in another post.

Greedy Girl

Where the women are allowed to be with another man but in this case in the absence of the male companion. In the cuckold fantasy the male can watch and enjoys watching his wife being ravished right in front of him by another man. Greedy girl the male partner will enjoy hearing or knowing about their wives’ adventures later.

Dogging swingers

DOGGING is the sexual practice of having sex in public places, especially parks, deliberately taking the chance of being watched. Dogging combines technology with swinging, cruising and voyeurism.
Crowds, big and small, watch exhibitionist couples who’ve met on the Internet have sex in cars, and sometimes join in.
Dogging appears to be popular and widespread, attracting heterosexual couples and single men and women of all ages. Not surprisingly, however, dogging meets tend to attract more men than women.

Fetish Swingers

Swingers have an avid appetite for a variety of sex and sexual acts, one of which is fetishes. Fetish is an umbrella term that includes role-play, foot-fetish, forced-sex/rape fantasy, strap-on, erotic spanking and many more.
These swingers are not so much interested in sexual intercourse swapping as much as they are in their shared fetish interests, which might eventuate into sex.

Group swinging/Orgies

Group swinging / gang bang or orgy, is a specialized form of group sex in which one individual, either a woman or a man, has sexual intercourse with multiple partners in turn. There are some specialized forms of gang bang activities: lesbian gang bang, cream pie gang bang, gay gang bang etc…

Hot Wife

In many ways Hot Wife is an extension of cuckold fantasy. In this the wife sets up casual sex dates with other men. Typically she or her date take photos and send them to the husband. The husband receives sexual gratification knowing his wife is doing something sexually with another guy. We think this particular part of the Lifestyle is more common than most people realize, however is not discussed because the husband feels it may reflect negatively on him. If you feel that you want to see your wife with another man, we encourage you to talk to her about it.

Open marriage swinging

Open marriage swingers are those couples who are comfortable with playing separately. Each person is free to pursuit ‘opportunities’ or casual flings in the absence of the other. The lines here sometimes get a bit blurred when some couples allow these flings to become relationships, however long they turn out to be. Is this being polyamorous or swinger? Swingers and polyamorous often overlap and seem to mesh. The difference between the two traditionally lies in that polyamory is about relationships and swinging is about recreational sex. In short, polys = love and Swingers= sex. To reiterate the very beginning of this post, it would be simple and straightforward to have tidy labels but the truth is there is a lot of blending within the many subcultures in swinging culture.

Swingers soon realise that they fall within 3, 4 or more of any of these subcultures and other are happy to stay within one, however through the life of swinging the majority of swingers see themselves move from one subculture to another. Conservative swingers and their couple centric world have slowly dissolved into a more accepting of alternative lifestyles, and hence swingers today are more likely to experiment with lots of different things through their swinger’s life.

Please remember that this lists or breakdown could never be complete. If you don’t see what you identify as or want, trust us, it’s out there even if it’s not named here. On that note, why don’t you share yours with the rest of us?

Love is blind; it stops us us from perceiving flaws in our loved ones. Scientists have shown that there is a degree of truth in the old adage that love is blind. They have found that feelings of love lead to a suppression of activity in the areas of the brain controlling critical thought. Once you get close to someone, the brain decides the need to assess their character, personality and their penis size is reduced. Other people will tell us of obvious flaws, such as how plain looking they are, the limb in their walk, the false eye and yet no matter how intently we look our ‘love eyes’ tell us a very different story.

Cass Anderson makes a very good point and even has an infographic to help put his view forward.

This infograhic depicts the life of your penis size in a relationship. Your girlfriend you just met slots your alter-ego into an average tool but as her feelings grow and she falls for you, your beloved package suffers a make-over, it suddenly goes from average to legendary. Love is blind, all right.
If your relationship should go sour so will your reputation as a legendary lover along with your status as ‘hung like a Greek God’. Kiss it all goodbye and hopefully you won’t share too many friends in common…

Bottom line gentlemen is that if she’s in love with you there’s nothing you could possible do wrong, you’re the a God of love in her eyes equipped with a massive love tool the envy of all her girlfriends even if you fall in the small penis size department.

Have you met/known of females understating or exaggerating their partner’s merits or abilities? Tell us what you think

In the new documentary, UnHung Hero, which is available on Showtime now and on DVD December 10, comedian Patrick Moote searches for a way to deal with his less-than-large member.

It all began when Moote’s girlfriend rejected his marriage proposal on a Jumbotron at a UCLA basketball game, the New York Post reported.

Video of the fail went viral, and Moote’s girlfriend told him that one reason she couldn’t marry him was that his manhood just didn’t pack enough punch. In UnHung Hero, Moote sets out to change that, and answer the question, “Does size matter?” The New York Post recently asked him all about it.

The New York Post: Why did you decide to pursue this?

Patrick Moote: I’ve always gone after things I’m insecure about head on. The first people I go to are my friends. And I think it was a good distraction from what had happened to me. Also, the proposal video got so many hits, it was hard not to look at it as some sort of an asset. Maybe I can turn this thing that was so brutal into something that could be positive. Why I did it? I still don’t know, but those are some of the reasons that help me sleep at night.

NYP: Why are you not humiliated by telling the world you have a small penis?

Moote: I mean, when we started the film, the point I wanted to prove was not only does size not matter, but also that I don’t have a particularly small penis. I think that we really saw an opportunity to answer a question that I think was bothering a lot of guys and I think it was really bothering me. I’ve been in LA for a little over a decade now, and I’ve been working in the entertainment industry, so my life is rejection and humiliation. Even when I was telling people about it, I never felt like I was embarrassing myself that much. It was almost like doing a service for men in general.

NYP: Why don’t you give a specific measurement for how small you are?

Moote: When you’re measuring an erection, there’s an average for it, but there’s no set number. If you put on 10 pounds it’s gonna take off a centimeter. If you’re not having a particularly good day with circulation, it’s going to affect it. If you’re feeling stressed out or your heat doesn’t work in your apartment, it’s going to affect how large it is. But the doctor who measured me, flaccid, she basically grabbed it by the tip and yanked on it and “low normal” is what she said. But like Dan Savage says in the movie, half of everyone is.

NYP: So now do you still feel like you have a small penis?

Moote: Yeah, I do. I don’t feel like I have a really small penis, I just know it’s not a particularly impressive or special penis. But it’s my penis, I love it and it’s great. We hang out all the time. But I’m still insecure about it. This wasn’t a magic cure-all for me. It’s not like I’m walking into parties and dropping trou.

NYP: Do friends give you a lot of crap for this?

Moote: I catch a lot of it, but it’s funny, when people do that, because I’ve owned it the way that I have, it’s like they’re stealing my material. “Oh, yeah, good one! I just declared that basically on a national level and you’re going to make this joke in front of a couple of buddies while we’re playing video games. Real funny.”

NYP: What was the strangest method of attempting to add penis length that you encountered while making the film?

Moote: In Thailand, we went to a guy named Master Chu’s studio to witness and participate in a form of martial arts where one of the techniques they use is hanging weights from their penis. On the outside it seems very strange, but it made a lot of sense. They’ve been doing it for like a thousand years, and I’m not going to lie, when they untied the rope and weight and released it from my situation, it felt amazing.

Source: news.com.au

Have you got a short tale to regale us with? Have you got a small serving? Has it affected your sex life? Or maybe you’ve dated someone with a short stack… tell us all about it in the comments section below.

Fetishes are becoming more commonly accepted than ever before however the one that you’ll read about below is rather fascinating:

This one I had to share with you – Small Penis Humiliation.

What is a small penis humiliation?

• Small penis humiliation is exactly what it sounds like: Some men, regardless of their actual penis size, get turned on when they’re scolded and belittled for having a “tiny ” penis. These men gain arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned.
Some women love it, too, and enjoy the power trip.

Reasons behind enjoying this fetish:

• For some men, a small penis humiliation fetish springs from a feeling that they’ve always been too big and too intimidating to be treated with love.

• In other cases, a man whose penis size was mocked by a girlfriend or by friends in his youth can carry a sexual attachment to the memory right into adulthood, and enjoy repeating it so that he can replay the strong feelings it arouses.

How do you go about fulfill this fantasy?

This erotic fetish humiliation is a purely psychological, verbal fetish that stirs emotions without necessarily involving any physical contact. It’s verbal humiliation directly at someone’s sexual-ultra ego – the main character – the penis.

Want to try it out but don’t know how?

Here are a few suggestions:

“You think that’s a cock? Just the sight of it is making me laugh till I cry!”
“You can only look at me when you grow a real cock, you useless little penis man!”
“That’s a pathetic excuse for a cock, I need to get my tweezers and maybe then I might find it.”
“I wouldn’t touch that little, disgusting, poor excuse for a cock, just put it away, it’s a useless piece to me or anyone, believe me!”
“ Let me take a photo of that useless cock and send it to my girlfriends, that’ll make them laugh!”
“Is that hard? Ewww tiny cock!”

If you were to want to combine public humiliation with small penis humiliation you could get creative and print a T-shirt with some diminishing words about his penis.

Like many sexual fantasies small penis humiliation is pretty harmless between consenting adults. Weird to some and pleasurable to others just make sure you hang around people with similar interests.

Have you done or thought about doing this fetish or any other that you might’ve turned you on?

The study involved a group of women looking at and scoring the attractiveness of images of naked men, where different attributes (penis size being one of them) were digitally altered. What the scientists found was that whilst larger penis size did increase the man’s attractiveness to women, other attributes, such as height, were equally as important as penis size – and in some cases even more important – in determining a man’s physical attractiveness. Women found penis size more important for men that were taller, muscular or had broad shoulders and slimmer hips. They also tended to stare for slightly longer at the more well-endowed images of men.

One interesting thing that the study noted was that after a length of just under 8 centimetres (which is less than the average length of a flaccid penis), the importance of penis size became a less important factor in determining their attractiveness. This was when other physical attributes became more of a focus.

So what does all this mean? Well the scientists conducting the study did say that they did not come up with a combination that created the most ‘attractive’ man. Clearly, women’s tastes vary. Despite this, they also found that the most attractive size for a flaccid penis was over 13 centimetres. Many scientists believe that women’s preferences for a larger lover are rooted in cavemen times when clothes were non-existent and women chose partners based on how virile they looked.

Less than well-endowed? Don’t forget that when most women are choosing a partner, they don’t do it based solely on penis size. Every woman has a personal preference for the type of man that they like – and of course there is far more to a man than his member! It’s also important to remember that the study was based solely on physical appearance, not sexual activity. Whilst women might generally prefer the look of a well-endowed man, in the interests of comfort you’ll find that some women will happily choose an average-sized appendage over a huge trouser monster. There’s definitely truth in the old saying ‘it’s not about what you’ve got, but how you use it’ too.

I suppose that the jury is still out! Ladies, what’s your preference?

Interested in what other members think on this issue? Check out the forums!
‘Penis Size…Again.’ Read it here
‘It’s Official: Penis Size Really Does Matter!’ Read it here
‘What’s your definition of average and above?’ Read it here

SOURCE: Yahoo Seven News