Jane’s husband Rob brought up the subject of swinging after numerous sexy sessions talking about introducing some extra people into the bedroom. Jane was filled with both trepidation and excitement at the thought, but eventually her curiosity got the better of her. Jane was keen to experience sex with another woman, and the thought of a man other than her husband touching her for the first time in eight years also thrilled her beyond words. She agreed swinging could be fun.

Rob immediately signed up on RedHotPie and suggested going to a swingers party that was advertised in the Events section. Jane had reservations about going to a party as all she could imagine was a Roman orgy scenario with lots of naked bodies lying around. Rob too was a little nervous about the idea and decided that meeting another couple through the RHP listings was probably a better option for first-timers.

“I’m really glad that we decided to meet a couple privately first. Rob was very understanding of my feelings about going to a party where neither of us knew what goes on. We luckily met another couple who were similar to us in that they were fairly new to swinging too.”

Jane and Robert met Angela and Simon on RHP and set up a drinks date. There, the two couples were able to chat openly about what they were both looking for over a few glasses of wine. Soon enough, everyone felt so comfortable and turned on that they got a hotel room.

“Angela was a little more experienced than I was in terms of other women so I let her take the lead. It was a wonderful night. I am so sure that I like women sexually, and it’s not just a phase. We didn’t take things much further than swapping foreplay but we’re happy for all of us to get to know each other better and maybe swap for sex later too. For now, it’s just a lovely experience.”

Jane and Rob are open to visiting a swingers club once their confidence increases, but for the time being prefer the intimacy of setting up dates with select couples. They’ve so far been very fortunate in meeting compatible people to ease them into the lifestyle.

However, for some others, finding the right couple can be a frustrating and time-consuming task. Linda and Pete met at least five couples online but nothing eventuated past the initial coffee meeting, aside from a once-off session with the first couple they met.

“I started wondering if we’d done the wrong thing. We had stated in our profile that we’d like to meet first and play later, but that seemed to attract couples who were happy to socialise and weren’t fussed about playing. On the same token, we aren’t prepared to say a definite ‘yes’ to playing until we’ve met people in the flesh either.”

On a whim, Linda and Pete decided to try a swingers party.
“Linda and I weren’t sure what to expect from the party, and we were slightly taken aback by the number of cars parked outside the venue, but once we got inside and felt more comfortable with the atmosphere, we were fine. Not everyone was naked and ‘at it’ as you might have imagined. In fact, we remained clothed most of the night. Until we met Sarah and Mike.”

“We had a few drinks and chatted about various things before discussing why we were all there at the party. We discussed our experiences and what went right or wrong with them. Before you knew it, we felt really relaxed and got into a spa with Sarah and Mike. That was the start of one very horny night for Linda and I. It all felt right. There was something exciting about the suddenness of the situation I guess. Now we wish we had just gone to a party first instead of muddling around organising dates.”

Whether it was the fact that Linda and Pete had finally met a compatible couple, or the fact that the party lent a spontaneous and sexy atmosphere to the night, they experienced the best night of group sex at a swingers party.

As Linda and Pete discovered, swingers parties and clubs seem to have an unwelcome image of being sleazy but that is far from the truth. Most modern venues provide a relaxed environment for couples and select singles and may be the perfect way for a new couple to scope out the scene and meet some new friends. There is no pressure for patrons to have sex but those who wish to can certainly have a wild night.

Clearly, it’s up to each couple to determine whether the party or club scene is for them, or if private meets give the much needed touch of intimacy for sex to happen. Ultimately, new couples should certainly consider trying both before deciding which way to swing. While many couples eventually end up sticking to either venues or one-on-one meets, others keep their swinging options fully open.

So the pros and cons in a nutshell? Private Meets

Discretion – It’s easier to keep things discrete if you are meeting couples (or singles) privately, and you’re less likely to run into someone you know since you can filter your contacts on RHP before meeting.
Intimacy – For couples who prefer the sensuality of playing with a limited number of people in the privacy of their own home, private meets may satisfy that need.
Convenience – You can choose the time and place to have fun.
Handpicking – Couples who have specific likes/dislikes in other people or play can use RHP to handpick compatible people.

Parties

Social Atmosphere – The more the guests, the more the interaction. Even if play isn’t involved, you may have a great social night out without getting stuck with a date that isn’t going anywhere.
Pick and Choose – You do not have to restrict yourself to just one couple or partners of a couple. For couples who find that the attraction isn’t reciprocated all ways with another couple, parties and clubs allow you some freedom to branch off with a person you are mutually attracted to.
Spontaneity – Some people enjoy the heady atmosphere of parties and are more likely to get their kit off at a party or club.

In this article, we’ll look at how couples can balance having recreational sex with everything else that should matter to both partners in their day-to-day life, as well as easy plans to make the most of what little time some couples have at the end of a working week. Both defining your priorities in regards to swinging and having a game plan will help you meet other couples who may be most in tune with your needs. The overall aim is to customise your swinging style so that the lifestyle can be something you enjoy for years to come.

Don’t Get Burnt Out

“It sounds pathetic but Lou and I got so horny from our swinging experiences that little else mattered for a while. That is until we realised that a few month’s worth of Saturday nights of eating, drinking and shagging, minus our usual Sunday morning swim at the pool was not helping our waistline at all. We were getting unfit and looking pretty ordinary which started to make us feel pretty unsexy. It defeated the whole purpose of swinging and feeling good about ourselves.”

No one needs reminding that there are many things far more important than swinging, yet it’s also understandable for some couples to get caught up in the heady excitement of spicing up their sex lives (especially in the early days) that before they know it, other pleasures simply fall by the wayside. We’re all fickle creatures and can easily drop one interest for another but it’s important to ensure that your new interest doesn’t impact negatively on another. Burning the midnight oil (and beyond) on a Saturday night with a hot new date is all very well and good but if it regularly prevents you from your Sunday morning cycle, or taking Fido to the beach then you need to reconcile those changes.

Work out what is important to you and adjust your involvement in the lifestyle accordingly. There’s nothing wrong with being enthusiastic and meeting every couple who approaches you on RHP but be mindful of what has to give in order for you to do so. You may have to actually note what your limits are insofar as meeting people is concerned. Perhaps you may allow for every second Saturday to be play nights and the occasional Fridays and Sundays for meets. If you have always had a routine outside of the lifestyle, you should maintain it. Ideally, arrange dates around what you would normally do and not the other way around. If one Saturday a month you have a DVD night with your straight neighbours, then look at it as a your rostered night off from the swinging game.

Don’t forget your vertical (non-swinging) friends either. Swinging is a great way to make some close friends but make sure you leave enough time to maintain other ties, as less exciting as they may be. You may find over time that your horizontal friends are close enough to introduce to your vertical friends so your catch-ups can include both sets of friends, albeit with vertical activities. You can always get naughty later in the night once your vertical friends go home.

Failure To Launch

“Jane started studying full time and took on a job as a night-filler for Woolies while I agreed to do some work up at the mines a couple of weeks at a time. Aside from having less time to enjoy together, our swinging life has completely been wrecked. It’s not the be-all-and-end-all but we do feel left out.”

There are couples who would love to meet people non-stop but simply don’t have the time. Whether it is due to work or family commitments, there never seems to be a point in the week where a date can be arranged. On the rare moment an evening becomes free, there seems to be no one around to meet, or if you have been in touch with a couple briefly, you haven’t done enough online wooing (read pic swapping etc.) to coax them out for a drink. The frustration metre is close to overload!

If your work schedule is keeping you from arranging dates on the more conventional days and times, try organising a coffee or lunch date during the week with couples who are perhaps similarly flat out. You may not have an opportunity to play but at least you can meet people and build a rapport. If you do meet a couple that you’d like to get to know better, then hopefully you can organise a play time that suits everyone but without the added pressure of trying to impress upon them that you are interested and aren’t just making excuses as to why you can’t be nailed down for a date.

Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up over not being able to meet people as often as you like. You will find that a majority of couples are in the same boat and those who expect you to be free every weekend are probably not going to be people you will be able to maintain contact with for the long term. Let people know on RHP that you are indeed an active and interested couple but that your work situation means that meeting at a drop of a hat isn’t feasible. Laying these cards down should attract couples who understand where you’re coming from.

Target Time Compatible Couples

“We were soooo hot for a couple we chatted up on RHP but every time we tried to arrange a date with them, they either couldn’t get a babysitter, or one kid was sick or they were having a Tupperware party which we weren’t interested in. We started to wonder if they were really swingers and what was the point?”

Every couple’s home and work situation varies as much as the type of music you can listen to. Some couples do not have children and work from home whereas other couples may have a brood of five and work shifts or weekends. This makes for a lot of couples who are simply not compatible with each other just purely based on home and work commitments. That isn’t to say that couples on either extremes are never going to meet and play but it pays to be realistic in the lifestyle and either make allowances for people with less flexible lives, or seek out couples who have similar set-ups to you. This will save all parties from frustration and the use of the dreaded label ‘time waster’.

If your home and work situation changes dramatically (eg – your partner takes on a fly-in, fly-out job or there’s a new baby on the way) then you need to re-balance your lifestyle accordingly. There is no way you are going to play the same way but that doesn’t mean you should give up entirely either. You may not be able to say ‘yes’ to a date right away but if a night does free up, then use RHP’s DateFinder to get yourself a date. This is a great way to ensure a good night out (or in) without having to commit yourself prior to a free moment coming up.

Don’t forget: the point of swinging is to mix it up and meet lots of cool people (shagging lots of people is an option). If you come up against a stonewall with one couple, then move on to the next one until they’re able to come back to you with a time and day to meet. Sometimes all the arranging and waiting in the world can’t get you and a particular couple together so make the call and either give up completely or stick them on the back burner. The choice is always yours so don’t grumble. Find other play friends!

Clever Networking

“Dave and I didn’t plan it this way but we had double-booked ourselves with two awesome couples. We bit the bullet and explained to both what we had done and asked if they were OK about us all meeting. They both thought it was a great idea and we had a fun night. One couple was more into the girl/girl thing so went home but the other couple came back to ours and we’re still still having a good time.”? Any couple will tell you that it can take quite a few one-on-one dates to finally meet a twosome you really get hot and horny over. Some hit the proverbial bonanza and score on the first date but for others it can take time, patience and a good deal of coffee drinking. Add to this any time constraints you may have and months can pass since your last successful play date.

To remedy this, consider arranging group meets rather than meeting just one couple at time. Naturally this works best if you have already made some couple friends and they are amenable to arranging a date en masse. However some couples you are approaching for the first time may also be happy to meet you with another couple, so it may be worth investigating. Do stress to all concerned if playing is optional as some couples are happy to meet over drinks but prefer their playing one-on-one.

Other means of meeting lots of people at once is sexy couples parties and drinks nights. RedHotPie’s events section boasts fantastic events and parties well ahead of time so you can try and mastermind a fabulous night of swinging fun that can be worked into your busy diary.

On a final note, let’s keep in mind that it’s not a contest. No one gets an award for meeting the most couples on RHP so don’t feel compelled to compete or compare yourselves with others. Naughty Gen Y and Baby Boomer couples may have the luxury of time sans children or stressful jobs but everyone else will have one thing or another that prevents them from playing to the extreme. Even if you did, consider if you would anyway. At the end of the day, swinging is about sex and no one enjoys sex if they are pressured to perform or if they think they need to meet a quota of some sort.

Enjoy the opportunities that come your way without effort. Just do your part to try and keep the path as clear as possible.