It’s a huge stressor for a lot of people, especially when they desire to try something new and fear social scrutiny.

Fret not!

Some of the allegedly “taboo” sex acts society judges and frowns on, really are good for your relationship and mental health according to science.

The three most judged, misunderstood and frowned on sexual acts are; BDSM, one-night stand/casual sex and open-relationships and polyamory.

1. BDSM

The practice of BDSM has always carried with it a certain amount of social stigma, but ever since 50 Shades Of Grey it has found more acceptance in the mainstream and a lot of more folks are talking about BDSM.

Contrary to popular belief, kinky sex is good for you says science.

A study documented in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, found that people, who enjoy bondage, the snap of the whip, ropes or the clink of chains, and other kinks may actually be more psychologically healthy than those who don’t.

In this study, 902 BDSM aficionados, and 434 non-kinky people were surveyed on their personalities, overall well-being, attachment style, and sensitivity to rejection. Curiously, practitioners of BDSM scored significantly higher on these mental health tests then their ‘vanilla’ counterparts.

The results revealed that on a basic level, BDSM practitioners are no more troubled than the general population.

In fact they were more conscientious, more open to new experiences, more outgoing, more aware of their sexual desires, and they didn’t feel the need to hide anything from their partners. Bottling up emotions of any kind, including sexual ones, takes a huge toll on mental health, so it only makes

sense that kinky people would have better mental health than those who are potentially sexually frustrated.

Obviously, BDSM is not for everyone, however, it is nice that science is bringing down the stigma that has been associated with BDSM for so long.

2. Casual Sex

Casual sex has always been around but it has become more popular with the advent of apps and sites that allow for easy hookups. Until now casual sex has been viewed in a negative light, some going so far as to say that casual sex destroys the fabric of society and is morally corrupting, with some talk on casual sex damaging self esteem.

A new study published in Archives of Sexual Behaviour resulted in some new findings. This study looked at 371 college students for 9 months and was conducted by researchers at NYU and Cornell University. Those students who admitted to sleeping around reported better general well-being, lower stress levels, and higher self-esteem compared to those who follow the relationship-sex-only rule. Who would have known that being promiscuous could make you happy and be so good for you?

Now, one thing to keep in mind is that casual sex only makes you a happy if you do it for the right reasons. If you’re having sex with any random that crosses your way because you want to rebound after a horrible breakup, or to numb your lack of self-worth, you’re going to end up feeling worse about yourself, so don’t do it. If you’re sleeping around because you’re always horny and are out to just have fun, then go for it.

Below is an interesting video exploring the debate on ‘Is casual sex unhealthy?’

3. Open relationships and polyamory.

Most people frown on polyamory and open relationships mostly because they don’t understand them but little do they know that these couples in these types of relationships are happier and more fulfilled.

One of the secret to a happy relationship is good communication, which is where a lot of traditional couples fall short. To enjoy an open relationship or polyamory you need to express, communicate and hear each others needs, desires, fears and boundaries to successfully live a fulfilling non-traditional relationship.

There you go. Life is only fully lived when you have done things that fall away from the ‘norm’. It’s good for your health.

original post on Maxim

Do you agree with science on this? Let us know below.

Hotwifing

A “hotwife” refers to a woman in a partnered couple who has sexual encounters with other men. At times this encounter might happen in the presence of her partner. Other times in his absence followed with a retelling of the events. The male partner in this relationship is turned on by his partner sexual escapades, and derives pleasure and arousal from her exercising her sexual autonomy.

Cuckolding

A “cuckold” is a man that enjoys the dominance/submission power relationship with his female partner. Often, the cuckold likes to be belittled, humiliated, or otherwise made to feel powerless. To capitalize on this power dynamic, the female partner has sexual encounters with other men. The male partner’s pleasure and satisfaction comes from the power dynamic between himself and his partner.

Thus, “cuckolding” is more about the power exchange (as in other kinds of BDSM relationships) while “hotwifing” in general often lacks this element. A man may derive intense sexual satisfaction from his partner having independent sexual escapades, but be completely uninterested with the idea of being humiliated by his female partner and/or bull. However, another man may only enjoy such escapades if he is also humiliated, forced to “clean up” the woman after her sexual encounter, or otherwise made to feel inferior to the bull.

A “bull” is the term commonly ascribed to the other man in the scenario, the person that the hotwife has the sexual encounter with.

Why has hotwifing become such a popular fantasy among couples? The main reason is to fulfill the desire of almost every man to see his beautiful wife interacting with another man.
Other reasons come to mind, the explosion of Internet facilitated the fantasy, women are more comfortable with their sexual desires and are not afraid to voice it and act on it, and last people have come to understand that fantasies are a healthy way to explore one’s sexuality and beneficial way to bond.

Hotwifing, might just be what you were looking for at this point of your relationship. Read the benefits below:

1. Freedom

Most women secretly desire this, the freedom to enjoy another man’s company and to explore their sexuality guilt free. When a man encourages his woman to enjoy other man’s company, she gets to enjoy and exercise her sexual autonomy and to express freely her sexual desires.

2. A huge turn on.

Hotwifing is a sexual fantasy that can take your relationship to the next level. It’s a way of women expressing themselves and a huge turn on for their partners. Many women are getting into exhibitionism. They love their partner watching them have sex. For the partner who wants to show off his hotwife, it’s a huge turn on to watch another man enjoy his sexy hotwife. Watching your wife/partner with another man is like watching a hot porno, with her as the main star.

3. Free from the shackles of jealousy

Jealousy is the main reason many relationships fail to work. It contributes to disagreements and sometimes breakups. Hotwifing can help the men overcome most feelings of jealousy and insecurities. This kind of relationship can make your partnership more trusting and open. There is a difference between sex and a loving relationship, your partner knows this, and the steamy encounter is only SEX.

4. Increased Trust and Communication

A strong relationship is built on trust and good communication. Healthy relationships are not about the things a couple does together but about how they communicate together, how they treat each other, and how they work together to maintain a mutually beneficial relationship. Hotwifing will not increase these aspects in a relationship if they don’t exist already. They must exist before you embark in this fantasy.

5. Look Better

To continue being the desirable to men, a hotwife will be motivated you to stay fit, eat healthy, look sexy and stay young both mentally and physically.

6. Increase and improve intimacy

Your relationship and especially sex life will absolutely improve. The physical and emotional intimacy associated with hotwifing is intense. The feeling of seeing a wife with another man will just turn any man on making the sex life better and more frequent.

7. Boost confidence and self-esteem

The esteem of both parties involved will increase and this is great for having a healthy relationship. A confident man is also what a woman wants and what better way to show how confident you are than letting your wife get out there with other men.

The benefits of hotwifing are many and there are many adventurous couples that indulge in this fantasy. However, every couple has a different dynamic, and as such, hotwifing might not be your fantasy. As a couple it is best to go with what works best for you.

This bondage- infused romance has received numerous analyses; some suggesting it encourages and glorifies rape and violence against women for entertainment’s sake and it also isn’t a true representation of the BDSM world.

Aspects that maybe can potentially be read into it, but ask the women who read the book what they saw in the novel and you’ll have a very different write up. This is what we are looking at today.

50 Shades is an old-fashioned romantic story with the rich-man-sweeps-innocent-beauty-off-her-feet female fantasy. Except, it has an alluring and dominant male character that makes women dreamy. The kind of man, who knows how to gradually and totally turn a woman on, he makes women the centre of his erotic fantasy and all women crave that – a man who just knows what they want.

No wonder many women all over the world LOVED this book.

Some women that read this book responded to it by developing erotic feelings – feelings so powerful that in some cases they wanted to have sex with their own husbands. Yes, you read it right!

Maybe what some women want is not just sex, they want more interesting sex. Yes, sex that veers from the ‘Vanilla’ sex, not that Vanilla sex is bad but too much of the same thing gets a bit well, boring! Women want exciting, intuitive sex that includes fantasies, role-play, kinky sex and S&M.

Blame it on the changing times, where women are at par with man in the workplace, where women are having and supporting children on their own – women are less dependent or subjugated than before. Some modern women, successful at work, secretly yearned to be submissive in bed.

Maybe these S&M fantasies of sexual surrender offer a release, a vacation from the norm, an escape from the dreariness and hard work of equality. This stresses a very good point, that the most powerful erotic organ is the brain, and a lot of men have a stereotype into just being into the physical experience and not the mental experience. For many women they are drawn to S&M or other alternative forms of intimacy because of the mental element to it.

Why is it so interesting to surrender, or to play at surrendering?

S&M is about ceding control; it’s not just sex; it’s about turning the other person on. It can be through touch, through teasing, through excluding some senses and heightening others senses, through restricting motion with ropes or sight with blindfolds. S&M is both a mental and physical expression where sexual tension is built slowly. When you are really turned on, pain can feel a lot like pleasure, and spanking becomes pleasurable. BDSM is much more then the actual physical acts to fully understand it one would need to actually probably try it out.

The Try Guys went ahead and gave it a go. Watch the video below it’s both funny and informative:

Buckle up because you are going to be taken through some S&M sex scenes when you watch the movie 50 Shades. There’ll be knots, buckles, nipple clamps, spanking and how to use a whip.

By now you are thinking that BDSM, at least as presented in this movie, can be quite classy and alluring, maybe some ideas are titillating enough for experimentation or incorporating into your sexual repertoire.

Get in the mood by watching the trailer here.

Have fun broadening your mind and maybe giving a go at some of the erotic thoughts introduced in the film.

BDSM encompasses a whole bunch of different practice; the B&D: stands for Bondage and Discipline; D&S: stands for Dominance and Submission; S&M, stands for Sadism and Masochism, and it is often referred to as “kink”.

It’s common to assume that sadism-and-masochism enthusiasts are at best unusual or shocking and at worst downright depraved. But are they really? Well, The Gimp in Pulp Fiction certainly is — living in a locked crate in the basement of a pawnshop will do that to you. M&S is about pain, administered with care and skill, which will stir all sorts of impulses pumping your endorphins that give you the same high that sport people will sometimes feel.

Research does suggest that BDSM/Kink enthusiasts differ from “normal” people in two ways: They have higher levels of education and tend to be very creative. BDSM/Kink is also more common than you probably think; experts estimate one in five couples dabble, and one in 20 engage in very serious play.

People sometimes think that those who practice BDSM are emotionally scared or were once abused; it’s not true it’s a myth. People who are involved with BDSM come from all walks of life, doctors, bosses, lawyers, bus drivers, nurses, they are you and I. There’s a lot of people you might know who are doing BDSM and you may not know it.

Debby Herbenick, a sexual health educator at the Kinsey Institute and author of ‘Sex Made Easy’, says that BDSM is a huge umbrella term for a wide range of activities. “It’s important to understand that there are so many different ways of engaging in BDSM play, from the fuzzy handcuffs you can buy at a women-oriented sex boutique to the more extreme sexual dungeon set-up,” she says. “Even if you are just using one device, like a flogger, there are so many different ways to use it. Some may stroke a partner with it while another person will really whip them with it.”

Nan Wise, a sex therapist and neuroscientist who studies the brain at orgasm, agrees. “Nature loves diversity and society abhors it. There are many, many ways that people are wired for pleasure. We all have unique erotic fingerprints.”

Overall, the science to date, though limited, suggests BDSM is not, as many see it, wrong or dangerous, but rather one of the natural variations found in the complex world of human sexuality.

Basically, BDSM/Kink just means people who enjoy, power play, the combination of pleasure and pain, fetishism, or anything outside what we consider the mainstream idea of sex, done in a safe, consensual, non-abrasive manner and in an erotic context.

Lets try to understand why some folks engage in BDSM/Kink and why now it has become a hot phenomenon. As a matter of fact, the book 50 Shades of Grey has allowed more people to talk about BDSM and it has allowed many couples to explore non-traditional roles of sex. This book has captured the imagination of a huge segment of our society that hasn’t thought about this kind of sex or talked openly about it before. It has give some people a language to talk about sex, ask questions, explore different fantasies and know that those fantasies are okay.

Couples enjoy BDSM/Kink in part because it lets them explore new roles and push their boundaries as far as they want resulting in exhilarating release from the routine. It can also solidify a strong foundation of trust and honesty.

What is interesting about BDSM/Kink lifestyle is that it allows for an exploration into what you are not in your real life. For example a boss, who has to be decisive, strong and in charge, has a chance to explore his other side – to be submissive. BDSM provides this opportunity in relationships, to role-play and explore the very opposite of who they are in real life.

A D&S relationship puts in play a chance for someone to become the dominant in the relationship and explore aspects of themselves that are always dormant in real life. In general women are taught to be passive, to not be pushy, not be aggressive, follow your partner’s lead. This is the message we get as women from society, at what it take to be this feminine being. Therefore role-playing the dominant role in the bedroom for a woman can be quite liberating. It gives the woman an avenue to express a part of herself that isn’t normally nurtured. It’s basically moving away from the social norm of Male – dominate and Female – submissive.

If you think you have little interest in BDSM/Kink yourself, take a closer look at your sex life. Behind closed doors do you tie your husbands wrists against the bed, or tug on hair, bit, scratch, like a bit of erotic spanking and use blindfolds? Got news for you, those are milder ways of expressing desires that eventually lead some people to devote closet room to studded leather, whips and chains and eventually some house space for a dungeon.

Some of us have fetishes that tend to be a focus or an obsession if you like, to the point that that obsession can be the element that you need in order to be aroused or have an orgasm. Examples are foot fetish, shoe fetish, boob fetish, ass fetish, and leather fetish.

For some couples it’s clear early on that they want to explore further in the area of BDSM and for others it a bit tricky to figure out. One way to take off the pressure is to rent or download a movie to introduce you to the subject. Start with ‘The Secretary’ and read ‘50 Shades of Grey’ and soon watch the movie. As you do, point out what turns you on and build from there.

There’s a big misconception that if you’re in BDSM, it’ll become a major part of your life and you’ll move away from regular vanilla sex. It doesn’t have to be; it’ll be part of your sex life but hardly the only part, unless of course you wish it to be more than that.

Erotic power exchange can take any shape or form within a relationship. From little things like blindfolding her when making love to anything like 24hrs a day, 7 days a week servitude. The shape it takes depends on preferences on the couple involved.

BDSM/Kink is always changing, always pushing and always pulling. What makes BDSM different is what it requires; it requires a very sound, honest and sincere relationship, intense and open communication, trust, a lot of mutual understanding, an open mind, lots of love and care and a fair bit of creativity.

Remember that the mantra for BDSM is safe, sane and consensual, with an emphasis on consensual. Therefore to make this a fun part of your sexual exploration, establish some simple rules.

1. Establish a ‘safeword’, that means stop everything.
2. Keep a few things handy, scissors in case you need to get loose quickly.
3. Pay attention, use common sense and move slowly.

The world of BDSM/Kink is still considered taboo and most people keep to themselves, which means anyone around you could be leading a double existence.

Final words on the subject, BDSM/Kink only shows how human sexuality is inherently bizarre and endlessly complex and fun.

Watch Laci Green talk about the subject:

Erotic spanking, according to Mistress Anna, is an art and can be developed with practice and patience. Begin with the basic and evolve at your own pace, add to the mix some toys.

As with any BDSM activity think about safety first. Also, be aware that spanking can bring up emotional or perhaps childhood issues for some people, and if your partner is unaware of the issues, can be a frightening time. Trust and security are two very important pieces of an enjoyable erotic spanking experience. Your partner needs to know they are safe and will not be harmed, and you, the spanker, need to ensure those very things.

Step One – Communicating

So, how do you go about ensuring that you retain all the fun of a sound spanking, while keeping everyone safe? The right approach and techniques, however, are key components for making a good spanking a sexy thing.
Communicating clearly and honestly with your partner is the first step, in any exploration or experimentation with new sexual ideas, and spanking is certainly a topic that will require discussion and honest communication between partners. While you are not in a sexual situation, fantasize with your partner about what you would like to do.

Talk about sexy ideas, and incorporating some sexy erotic spanking into your sexual play. Together, decide your boundaries.

Does s/he want to be spanked to tears?

Is it Over The Knee Spanking, on ‘all fours’, bent over the couch or table?

Does s/he fantasize about being spanked as ‘punishment’ or as pleasure?

Discuss what you will do if one or both of you aren’t crazy about spanking.
For many, the fantasy role-play punishment (an example being) a naughty schoolboy or schoolgirl is a very fun and real way for them to enjoy the eroticism of spanking without feeling guilty.

Step Two – Setting rules

Spanking can be painful, both physically and emotionally. A lot of people love to play with the boundaries of pain, punishment and pleasure, but setting some rules beforehand is essential. In fact, those who enjoy BDSM live by this rule. So discuss your limits. Tell your partner what you’re willing to try. And then tell them what you won’t do. Then listen to get that same information from your partner. Also agree on a safe-word that will bring play to a stop if and when you feel uncomfortable or something is a bit too much.

Step Three – Set the mood

Set the mood before you let loose on your partner’s behind, and arouse them otherwise spanking won’t be erotic just painful. Build it up and use dirty talk as it can set the mood especially if someone is being naughty.

Step Four – Get in on the act

Role-playing might be a fun way to get started; some examples could be master and slave, teacher and student,or any other role play you enjoy.

Step Five – Technique

Spanking techniques can be changed up every so often by varying the shape of the hand, intensity and speed of your strikes. For example, cupping your hand while spanking will usually result in a duller, deeper thud rather than the stinging sensation that usually results from spanking with a flat palm. Alternating between caresses and swats, or firmly grasping the buttocks at the end of each stroke are also great ways to mix it up a bit and tease the senses with alternating soft strokes and harder ones. Later you can start using a paddle and you can choose to use a wooden, leather or silicon paddle. Above all, listen to how your partner responds and reacts to it. You need to get familiar with your partners reactions to know that you are heading in the right direction, maybe push the boundaries a bit more or even slow things down all based on ‘reading’ your partners reactions.

Step six – choosing your implements

Spanking can be exciting, arousing and oh-so-sensual. If a little or a lot of pain is your pleasure of choice, you might want to bend over and give spanking a try.

The next step is to consider what to use for spanking. Costuming, implements and role-play can be erotically used during a fun spanking between partners. Shopping to choose equipment and toys can be just as fun and can add to the intensity of the play scene. There are a wide variety of toys to suit every type of fantasy for curious couples, you just need to get out there and start. You may choose to use your hand, a spanking paddle, and for the more advanced a flogger, ridding crop or whip.

Once you have discussed the fundamentals of your new sexy play, you will be sure to enjoy a very, very Spankalicious time!

Mistress Anna, will educate you through the dos and don’ts of spanking so you can safely and sensually tease and please your lover. She will give you inspiration for sexy new scenarios to help fuel, develop and increase your fantasies and desires.

Meet Mistress Anna at one of the monthly Sugar and Spice parties @ Our Secret Spot club in Darlinghurst.

It is logical to assume then that there are a lot of different types of swingers;
Soft swap, Same Room Sex, Full Swap, Girl on Girl, Voyeurs/exhibitionists,
Kinksters, Role Playing/BDSM, Tight Schedule Swingers, Cuckold, Fetishists, Gang Bang, Ménage a Trois.

Some of these compliment each other and couples that are these types will have a great time together:
The Voyeur couples and the exhibitionist’s couple will most definitely enjoy each other. Great compatibility.
The Kinksters will find their perfect match with a BDSM couple; they can get up to a lot of mischief.
Couples looking for Same Room Sex are possibly compatible with couples seeking Girl on Girl play.
The Cuckold swinger couple would feel right at home with a Gang Bang or possibly with a Manage a Trois.
These are only a few examples.

Here are some tips for leading a successful swinging lifestyle.

1. The most important conversation to have is boundaries!

Be on the same page regarding what you want to do in a swinger sex session. Discuss your boundaries. It is extremely important to understand your wishes, wants and hopes for this lifestyle. Whether it is girl on girl, soft/full swap or a wild orgy. As you play and begin to build more trust and security, you’ll likely find that you relax those boundaries. It’s not cool to argue in front of others, they set out to have a good night, your short comings is not their fault.

2. Read thoroughly member profile descriptions!

Spend some time looking at the member’s profile to find the one you’d like to meet this weekend. However, go a bit deeper than looking at their pictures gallery only. Look at their sexual interests, fetish interests, and general interests, read section ‘in my own words’ and finally look at whether they’ve been verified. All these will give you a general idea of who and what they’re looking for.

3. Take time to write your sexual interests and revise them from time to time!

To avoid meeting someone with totally different expectations check that you have clearly stated what you are sexually looking for. What kind of swinger are you and whether you want to socialize a bit or go straight into it (Tight schedule Swinger). Remember there is no right or wrong only different kind of swingers with different kind of approaches trying to have fun. The very reason why profiles should clearly state interests and expectations is to increase success at swinging.

4. Use ‘DateFinder’ to cater for the mood or impulse on that day/night.

Another nifty feature on Redhotpie that will help in your ‘hunting’ success is DateFinder. There are days where our urges send us somewhere new. DateFinder lets you satisfy those on the moment urges. You’ll be surprised how many sexy horny people are up for some fun after coming back from a Fri night evening

Unless you are open to anything and nothing shocks or surprises you then dispense from reading any profile description. However, speaking for the general public it pays to know a bit more about your future date to ensure a happy and successful swinging lifestyle.

Let us hear of your awkward experiences in the swingers’ circle due to different expectations….

Or, why not check out what other members have to say on expectations in the member forums?
Expectations
Swinging vs Open Relationships

I’m thrilled that gals who’ve never read erotica before are doing so now… inspired by 50 Shades of Grey… captivated by the sexually powerful and supercharged eroticism that BDSM sexual encounters can elicit. On the other hand, because of how BDSM is portrayed in 50 Shades, I’m concerned that those less familiar with this type of sexual play aren’t really getting an accurate picture of what BDSM is all about.

Let me put this right out front… the erotic domain of BDSM is perfectly O.K. for “normal” people, as fantasy… or reality. In fact, for many, BDSM offers a degree of sexual intensity and wicked pleasure that is truly “explosive.” How many people engage in BDSM sex? At least half of us are into BDSM in one form or another!

Research from the Durex 2005 Global Sex Survey found that 20 percent of sexually active people engage in “kinky play” with their sex partners. This includes, for example, the use of blindfolds, bondage, and masks. More interesting still is research from the Kinsey Institute which revealed that 55 percent of females and 50 percent of males derive sexual pleasure from experiencing some degree of voluntary pain during sexual activity, from the application of nipple clamps, the use of floggers, paddles, etc.

If we search the Internet using the words “fetish” or “BDSM”, we’re likely to see some bizarre BDSM activities that would scare the heck out of anyone. Internet content is perversely skewed by the porn industry and doesn’t represent the flavor of BDSM we’re talking about. As with traditional sex activities, some BDSM turns you on, some does not!

BDSM doesn’t have to include pain at all. A “submissive’s” knowledge that she is “helpless”… that someone can do things to her that she can’t in any way resist… can be a powerful turn-on. In fact, voluntary release of controlis the part of BDSM cited as the major turn-on.

Popular misconceptions, what I call “BDSM mythology,” have prevented many people from exploring a sexual variation that is actually highly creative, cerebral, sensual, playful and oh so naughty! And who doesn’t like to be naughty every once in a while? So let’s look at six of the most common BDSM myths and see how they compare to the truth.

Myth 1: All Dominants are Abusive. FICTION!

The partner who plays the role of ”dominant” actually cares deeply for the physical, mental and emotional well being of his “submissive.” He would never do anything dangerous to her and his behavior is limited at all times strictly by what his partner finds enjoyable.

“Safe words” are well rehearsed before the fun even starts, so a submissive can tell her partner to stop at any time. “Red”, “yellow” and “green” are often used. Red means exactly what you think: “stop right now because I’m not enjoying what you’re doing (or it’s just too intense, etc.).” Yellow means “I’m O.K. with what you’re doing for the moment, but I might not want you to continue.” Green means: “I really, really like that, keep it up!” Yes, he has a need to control, but a dominant always balances “control” of his sub with the prime directive to insure safety at all times and meet the needs and desires of his submissive.

Myth 2: the Dominant is in Control. FICTION!

A dominant’s job is to fulfill the submissive’s needs — that’swhat brings the dominant pleasure. “Every good dominant knows that the submissive is really the partner in control,” says Jennifer Hunter. “All a submissive woman has to do is relax and enjoy the ride while delicious sexual acts are visited upon her. She’s the star of the proceedings. Someone is ministering to her needs for a change. Master is choreographing all the action.”

BDSM couples can also decide to abide by the Safe, Sane and Consensual credo, a carefully crafted set of rules for BDSM sexual engagement. The couple negotiates before they begin any BDSM play, so nothing happens unless it’s been agreed upon in advance. In short, the person who controls the show is always the submissive, never the dominant!

Myth 3: Dominants had abusive childhoods. FICTION!

Christian Grey is portrayed as a Dom because he had an abusive childhood. Childhood trauma as a valid psychological premise for practicing domination is just not accurate.

Myth 4: Submissives are weak and have low self esteem. FICTION!

The opposite is true of a submissive. They give up control because they are strong enough to choose to do so. Only a strong individual with emotional fortitude can agree to let go and entrust herself to the care and protection of an honorable DOM partner… a partner who totally understands and appreciates the value of the gift of trust that they’re being given.

According to Dr. Laura Berman: “Being dominated and out of control can feel very sexy, especially if you are someone who is typically in control and juggling many responsibilities at once. It can be very freeing and erotic to simply relinquish those responsibilities and tap into your sexual side without any guilt or pressure.”

Let’s face it, after a long day of managing employees, making all the decisions, looking after children, etc., being in charge can get old. A gal can really get into surrendering control!

Myth 5: If you enjoy BDSM your brain isn’t wired correctly. FICTION.

This is a very common myth. Most dominants will tell you that their submissives (often referred to as “clients”) could not be more normal. They were not abused as children, and most are college educated. In general, they are drug-free, confident, secure and mentally stable, and tend to be in positions of considerable power and control in their everyday lives. You can be happily in love in a healthy relationship – and still love BDSM.

Mistress Rikka, a professional DOM, shares her view: “My personal opinion based on years of playing professionally is the more intelligent and successful a man or woman is, the more likely he or she is to engage in BDSM. Why would this be? First, the largest sex organ we possess is the brain, so if you are smart, the sexual fantasies you have will be much richer, detailed and kinkier than the rest. Secondly, if you are in a position of control or high stress and are dominant throughout the workday, taking a break from also being sexually dominant is necessary for balance. That doesn’t mean my clients want to be dominated all the time. Just every once in a while when the pressure builds up.”

Myth 6: BDSM is primarily about pain. FICTION!

BDSM is not primarily about pain. It is a power exchange between a dominant and a submissive, which does not necessarily involve pain, humiliation or anything else you are uncomfortable with. The reason mild pain is a popular ingredient in BDSM is because the slightest amount gets the adrenaline pumping through the veins… and suddenly the receiver experiences every sensation much more intensely… including pleasure.

Does that mean the dominant needs to inflict even mild pain? Absolutely not! You may not want anything to do with pain, and that’s okay. It is all personal preference, and your preferences are something you’ll discover along the way. You may be in for surprises!

Debby Herbenick, sexual health educator at the Kinsey Institute and author of Because It Feels Good, says that BDSM is a huge umbrella term for a wide range of activities. “It’s important to understand that there are so many different ways of engaging in BDSM play, from the fuzzy handcuffs you can buy at a women-oriented sex boutique to the more extreme sexual dungeon set-up,” she says. “Even if you are just using one device, like a flogger, there are so many different ways to use it. Some may stroke a partner with it while another person will really whip them with it.”

BDSM can be defined as any kind of practice where power play is involved. In these scenarios someone is in control, and the other person is handing over their control, if even for a few minutes. If all you’re doing is experimenting with a little spanking during sex, or being blindfolded with a silk scarf, that can be called BDSM. Not that you’ve ever been blindfolded and spanked… or have you? If not, maybe you should be…

The good news is 50 Shades of Grey is introducing millions of people to the ideas of BDSM sex, as well as to the world of sex toys, and new and creative ideas for sexual interplay. If you want to explore this genre for real, learn a bit more. After all, knowledge is power!

To see what BDSM is really all about, visit Bring Back Desire’s Who’s The Boss reading room. You’ll find a variety of extremely well written, highly erotic BDSM stories that will capture your imagination… and give you some great ideas for spicing up your sexual play.

For more tips, tools and resources for keeping intimacy, passion and sensual pleasure alive in your relationship, visit BringBackDesire.com, where we carry everything a gal needs to get out of her head and back into bed.

Source: bringbackdesire.com

Suitably attired in our newly acquired fetish finery we arrived at London Bridge superclub SE-One as it opened its doors at 10pm to a crowd keen to get their fetish groove on. High Street fashion was quickly discarded for cheeky rubber frocks and tighter-than-tight leather pants. This was the night when corporate lawyers transformed magically into latex clad drag queens with a mere wave of a talcum powder bottle.

A strict dress code of rubber, pvc, leather guaranteed that this ball would not be a taffeta and bow-tie affair. Indeed, punters were well advised that lack of appropriate dress would result in a sorry ride back home on the Tube. It certainly gave new meaning to the adage of ‘no rubber, no entry’.

Those who passed the fetish fashionistas’ scrutiny gained access to the inner sanctum where a jazz band welcomed guests in. A quick circumnavigation of the venue revealed many areas playing host to the various acts and attractions that made up the Rubber Ball’s schedule of festivities. Most notably, the Temple of Sin boasted a spectacular repertoire of acts (including acrobatics, burlesque, dance theatre, BDSM and comedy) which took centre stage throughout the night.

Other areas of the venue catered to the various whims of patrons. The F Club provided an exclusive play space for couples who wished to get to know each other more intimately. Sweet Torment’s Dungeon also proved popular with those keen to try their high quality BDSM equipment. The less game were welcome to watch from behind the barriers.

Finally, a ball just wouldn’t be complete without a dance floor and no one was disappointed with the Dance Space where a formidable line-up of local DJs held court. A heady blend of house, trance and electro got the crowd moving well into the wee small hours.

Around 1500 both local and international party goers dressed in all manner of kinky couture made the 08 Rubber Ball a spectacular spectacle of colour and flesh and a nonstop night of intrigue.

Skin Two owner Tim Woodward and his event organizing partner Max W certainly made RHP very welcome with some downright indulgent Rubber Ball hospitality. We also got the opportunity to meet many RHP UK members and made a few new very sexy and very naughty friends throughout the night.

Verdict? The Rubber Ball is simply unmissable, regardless of your level of interest in the fetish world. It’s simply a veritable feast for the eyes and senses. Nothing is OTT at the Rubber Ball and the uninitiated will soon discover that their novice foray into alternative dress-ups is decidedly mainstream.

Just as well you’ve got another year to up the costume ante!

While some think that fetishes are sexual obsessions the truth is that these days a fetish is anything that heightens your sexual experience – even more than usual. It could be getting gagged and bound or having your naughty little romp video taped, it could be dressing up in leather or having sex with a complete stranger… even your love of women in heels could be painted with the ultra sexy fetish brush.

Hot guys and girls all over the country are pulling on their finest fetish gear to get cheeky and sweaty with other sexy couples and single ladies. The Saints and Sinners ball in Victoria is Australia’s largest and most institutionalised fetish event and has been running for 18 years. They attract thousands of fetish lovers from all over the world to experience the sensational delights of the night. Each year, party goers are amazed at the awe inspiring multi level auditorium filled with thousands of sexy people dressed in erotic outfits. The B&D area is always busy with resident masters and mistresses pleasuring like never before. “Saints and Sinners continues to break new ground with another year of record attendance and horny action in the dark (and not so dark).”

Known to have the best real life fetish displays and pushing the boundaries to the most extreme, Connections is a Perth icon that holds theme events with BDSM on the menu. This gay and lesbian club is renowned for incorporating mainstream fetish crowds at their wild and lusty parties. This year saw a huge success with Hellbent and Connections are following it up with Bound and Gagged “another night of freaky fetish fun, dark desires, and perverted pleasures.”

Of course BDSM is not the only saucy delight that Australian’s enjoy. Sydney party organisers Pure Domination hold high class themed fetish or fantasy parties where everything from ropes to glitter are a go. Not always BDSM orientated, their focus on the art of seduction and eroticism heightens the senses for a truly memorable experience held in a hip and sophisticated venue in the heart of trendy Darlinghurst. This month their fetish and fantasy theme remains but with an extra twist of a Show Girl theme to really heat things up.

With so many fetishes for you to try we thought we’d give you a taste of just a few.

Trampling Fetish

If you’ve ever had someone walk on you during sex then you’ve been trampled on and if you haven’t tried it then give it a go – it’s exhilarating for those who get off on domination. The woman wears high heels while she walks over the man’s chest, throat, stomach, and crotch. Funny thing is that the man will barley move even when the woman is standing on his crotch with spiked heels. The men love the idea of being under a woman’s heel and the woman loves being on top. It’s a win-win situation where everyone gets off!

Latex and Leather Fetish

Seeing a hot body adorned in tight leather or latex could quite possibly be one of the sexiest sights to see and lucky for those who love this theme as it has an enormous underground culture. There are retail stores where you not only purchase anything and everything latex and leather related, you can also find out about latex parties where you will be surrounded by people dressed in leather and latex all night long.

Uniform Fetish

Who doesn’t go crazy for a man in uniform or a woman dressed in a cheerleaders outfit? This is a very popular fetish for men and women alike and it really brings the fantasy and fetish world together for a truly naughty night. This fetish is fairly broad and can be taken to any degree you feel comfortable with. A female doctor who seduces her patient or a medieval knight who knows how to use his sword – the options are only limited by your cheeky imagination.

Balloon Fetish

This one is a little unusual and so we just had to include it! This fetish involves being turned on by balloons; the smell, the noise, the excitement of not knowing when they are going to pop. People who enjoy this fetish are known as ‘looners’ and just hearing a hottie huffing and puffing on a balloon is enough to drive them over the edge.

Got a fetish that takes you to new pleasurable heights? Ever been with someone who introduced you to a fantasy you had never imagined before? Tell us all about it!