What was I thinking! I am such a slut… C’mon, admit it though, despite the social stigma we have all had the urge to ravish or be ravished by a total stranger. Whether it’s being subtly seduced in the dark corner of a club, pressed hard’n’heated against a cubical wall a la Qantas’ all new inclusive first class service, or simply waking in a strange bed in a strange house, our desire to walk on the wild side once in a while is undeniable.

So what is it about the heart pumping anonymity of stranger sex that gets our blood boiling, even if it’s not something you would act on for real? Why do we want to do it? And how does it affect us?

Well to start with, what makes it so unanimously exciting and hard to resist is the connection to the three oldest and strongest base desires our brain has. Starting with that lustful look across the room and a brief brush past on the way to the bar, you not only fire up your pheromones but all your other primal sexual cues too. Testosterone, which is responsible for that ‘perve urge’ and sexual desire in both men and women, sends signals to the most ancient part of the brain called the amygdala telling it “there’s a party in my pants and everyone is invited”. 
The amygdala, usually responsible for the ‘fight or flight’ response, raises your heart rate, dilates your pupils and gives you the nervous Oh-my-God-I-can’t-believe-I’m-going-to-do-this’ feeling. Then just to make sure all the intensity doesn’t send you over the edge, running away screaming before Mother Nature’s work is done, she hits you straight in the head with a shot of the feel good hormones. Identical to the effect that Class A drugs like cocaine have on the brain, endorphins are the final nail in the coffin of social sanity. At last: Fear, F&*$king & Fun. The three primary primal drives are merged creating that irresistibly lustful urge to abandon yourself to the moment, and to hell with the rest of the world.

As I’m sure Ralph Fiennes would agree, the unpredictability of these drives can often land us in embarrassing and sticky situations… literally. However, while the ‘sticky’ part has always been Mother Nature’s intention from the start, the embarrassing part isn’t. So rather than being shocked, embarrassed or ashamed at your desires, realised or un realised, here are a few tips to make sure your next ‘stranger sex’ encounter is as enjoyable after the chemicals have worn off, as Mother Nature promised it would be at the start.

Don’t be embarrassed. What’s to be embarrassed about? Remember, you are simply shaking off your social shackles and acknowledging your natural needs for a change. If you refuse to be ashamed or embarrassed you will greatly relieve how the other person feels and vice versa.

Congratulate yourself. Sex should be a stress relieving activity not a stress inducing one. Remind yourself that for a night you listened to the ‘prehistoric you’ and allowed your body to escape the imaginary lines dictated to us by modern society.

Be polite. Make your partner feel appreciated. Okay, we realise being ‘dirty’ can be part of the game but show respect and gratitude when it’s over.

Be realistic. Remember it was a one-off. Even if it was mind-blowing, don’t ever assume it will translate into the real world. Always assume it ends there and then.

Don’t make promises. Remember, chemical rushes that drive us to bonk strangers have a habit of ebbing away when reality takes effect, just like alcohol wearing off. So get out while the going is good and don’t make promises you can’t keep if you want to avoid an emotional hangover.

Be safe. Not everyone is nice, and not everyone thinks safe sex is something that should go without saying.

Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do with your body, and always give others the same courtesy.