So you’ve finally met a couple on RedHotPie that you’ve both got the hots for and the feeling appears to be mutual. You’ve already met them in person once and had a friendly, in-depth chat over cups of coffee about what you’re all trying to achieve out of the swinging scene. Sexual orientation, preferences and past swinging experiences have been discussed also, leaving the path well and truly clear for the four of you to get your freak on. Well you think so anyway.

Another date gets arranged with the hot couple and you couldn’t be more excited. A restaurant is booked for a nice casual dinner . The only problem is that actually could get a whole lot more excited if you knew what was going to happen after dinner. Unfortunately the couple didn’t mention any plans for what to do after dinner other than suggesting it should be a ‘fun night’. You did think to ask if getting a room was a good idea but suddenly you felt it would be presumptuous. On the other hand if they do plan on asking you back to their place, you’d rather be prepared. Do you go and get some waxing done anyway just in case? Maybe the other couple only swing on the third date? Aghh!

If the point of swinging is about having sexy fun with other couples, it then comes us a bit of surprise how hard it actually is for some people to get playing off the ground. You would naturally think that a bunch of horny adults could easily coordinate a bedroom romp but it seems being polite and implicit about one’s intentions only leads to frustration and confusion. On the other hand, being forward and explicit about what one wants might get you labelled as pushy or sleazy. Not a good thing either.

There’s certainly nothing wrong with saying what you think but it should be done with sensitivity and good humour. If the couple you have met have specifically told you that they have had prior swinging experience and are comfortable about playing relatively soon after meeting a new couple, you can assume that they are likely to say yes if you ask them ‘how about it?’. If you are reluctant to ask because you are worried about being rejected (ie – yes they’ll swing, but no, not with you), then consider your situation; if the couple have agreed to meet you and seem open to catching up again, there’s a good chance they’d enjoy doing the wild thing with you too.

So if you’ve chatted up a couple online and think you’d like to get to know them better, consider getting as many answers as possible from them in a general way first. Find out if they are experienced swingers or relative newbies. Are they willing to play on the first date or do they prefer to get to know people better via social dates or chatting and messaging online? If playing is on the cards, do they prefer to get a room or are they comfortable enough to host or visit? Finally, are any or all of the answers you get compatible with your own views on the matter? If there’s anything you’d like to clarify about the other couple and their preferences, it is better to do so sooner than later.

Next, while some couples are happy to play with people unconditionally, most would prefer to meet a potential shag face-to-face and take things from there. Physical attraction is obviously important but just as crucial is how you all get along personality wise. If the other couple ticks all your boxes and you’re fairly sure that they are also attracted to you, it’s just a matter of being honest. And yes, brave. At the end of your first date, ask the other couple if they would be interested in coming over to your place next time for drinks. This way, the other couple are not put under a huge amount of pressure (you haven’t directly asked to play) but there’s enough insinuation there for them to know that the invitation is for a sexy night if they accept.

Those who feel a little more brave may wish to suggest getting a hotel room for the next date (that would definitely remove any margin for misunderstandings) or the supremely confident could go ahead and suggest going back to someone’s house right after the first date. It will really depend on how well you all get along with each other. I think you’ll know when the time is right; when the conversation and laughter flows well and there’s a certain openness between you all. Asking the hard question just doesn’t seem hard.

In other situations where there isn’t as much merriment or obvious signs of getting along, it may be wise and hold back on any suggestions of playing. The other couple may well be interested in playing with you but there’s always the old chestnut of doing the right thing at the right time. Some people need to be in a certain mood or may feel more comfortable in their own home.

If you are not getting any outward indication that the other couple would like to share some playtime with you, you can do one of two things; just come right out and suggest a play date next time (the other couple may be relieved that you asked) or if that isn’t how you roll, perhaps send a quick message to them the next day and just simply tell them that you enjoyed their company and would be open to catching up again for that and more next time. If the fear of getting a ‘no’ stops you from doing this, then you run the risking of playing the guessing game over and over again.

The crux of this matter is breaking the ice and asking that hard question. You can wait for the other party to do that or end up in a circuit of meeting people socially and never actually playing. Rejection is never fun but if you’ve managed to get a hot sexy couple to meet up with you and they haven’t run off with a sudden, unexplained headache then there’s a good chance playing’s on their mind too. So, what are you waiting for?