Signs you’re going too large on St Patrick’s Day

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

3. Job interfering with your drinking.

4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

6. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

7. You can focus better with one eye closed.

8. The parking lot seems to have moved when you were in the bar.

9. Every hottie you see has an exact twin.

10. You fall off the floor.

11. “Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!”

12. The glass keeps missing your mouth.

13. Vampires and mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

14. At AA meetings you begin with: “Hi, my name is… uh…”

15. Your idea of cutting back means less salt.

16. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.

17. “Hi ocifer. I’m not under the affluence of incohol.”

18. “I’m not drunk, you’re just sober”

19. You don’t recognize your partner unless seen through the bottom of a glass.

20. “That damned pink elephant followed me home again.”

21. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.

22. “I’m as jober as a sudge.”

23. You’ve fallen and you can’t get up.

24. When hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle.

25. “Beertender! Get me another bar!”