Well to say Joan Sauers new book contains some explosive revelations about Australian women and their habits between the sheets would be an understatement and then some. Based on the findings of an extensive online poll, Sauer’s new book Sex Lives of Australian Women is a compelling read; a book you simply cannot put down. The statistics are amazing, the insights surprising and the commonality that runs through us all, comforting.
RedHotPie took some time with author Joan Sauers to ask her a few questions about the book, the answers contained within and state of modern romance and sexuality.
When carrying out research for Sex Lives of Australian Women what responses surprised you the most?
That 57% of women fantasise about sex with other women even though only 12% identified as lesbian or bisexual.
Also, that some women still don’t realise that it’s wrong and illegal for their husbands or partners to force them to have sex.
What inspired you to carry out the research and ultimately write the book?
After writing THE SEX LIVES OF AUSTRALIAN TEENAGERS last year, my girlfriends begged me to post a survey online so they could unleash their deepest, darkest secrets, and also find out what other women get up to. But also, I’ve always been fascinated by human relationships and issues of intimacy, and I can’t imagine anything more interesting!
What did you learn from the research and producing the book?
That the one thing that most characterizes women and their sexuality is diversity. There is no such thing as ‘normal’, and we are much more varied and complicated creatures than most of us imagine.
How do you feel women’s attitudes towards sex and intimacy has changed over the years? Why did these changes occur?
Most women have always loved sex and they crave pleasure and emotional intimacy, but the way they find it has changed. Technology has revolutionized our experience of sex, with one-out-of-five of us starring in our own sex tape, and many of us engaging in chat room sex (even women in their 50s!)
But with the advent of easily accessible porn, both women and men are getting unrealistic and negative expectations of what sex is about, and we have a whole new set of body image issues to make us feel insecure. We used to suffer in comparison to supermodels, but now we worry about not having boobs as big as porn stars, and we assume we will only be attractive with a Brazilian and some anal bleaching. This is one of the sad aspects of our 21st century sexual experience.
Why do you think there has been a shift in sexual relations?
I’m not sure what you mean, but technology and lifestyle have changed the way we live. However, most of us still want a stable relationship with one other person, full of satisfying, regular sex. So I don’t think things have really changed fundamentally.
How do you think women can go about reclaiming their sexual elegance?
By dressing for themselves and not necessarily for men. We should wear what makes us feel beautiful and not just ‘hot’. We should leave something to the imagination and not let our boobs hang out and our arse crack show. We should look at the way women walk, dress and act whom we respect but who are also sexy. We should think about our own pleasure and not just our partner’s. And we should think more about how we FEEL in bed than how we LOOK.
Commentary in the media would have us believe that women are either porn-stars or prudent princesses. Is there always going to be two distinct schools of thought about female sex and sexuality?
The media polarizes these images but in reality, most of us are an intricate blend of different aspects of sexuality. In the media but much more importantly, in our relationships and in the way we see ourselves, we should transcend these clichés of princess and porn star, and create our own individual brand of sexuality that accommodates every part of ourselves.
What are your thoughts about the “revolutionary” television shows like Sex & the City, Lipstick Jungle etc and literature like He’s Just Not That Into You? What do you think they have contributed to the wider dialogue of modern sexual relations?
In particular, I think SEX AND THE CITY was a fantastic depiction of sexuality within the broader realm of society and relationships. And the honesty with which it explored everything from ‘up-the-butt’ to funky spunk was incredibly refreshing. And the four women represented an interesting and provocative variety of female sexual proclivities. It got a lot of us talking about things we never spoke about before, which has to have been a good thing.
Some of the other series have been less well-conceived and shallower. They have less emotional resonance and of course, they haven’t really showed us anything new.
What are your thoughts on the cyber-sexual revolution?
It has its good aspects and its bad aspects. For some, cyber-sex is fun and liberating, and a great way to stay close to loved-ones overseas or make new friends. Others can feel empty after their experiences or used. Like anything, it depends on the individual.
From your years of social research and responses from the forum, what are your thoughts on swinging and online liaisons?
Many respondents have a fantastic time swinging, but for some, jealousy is something that can ruin the experience. Often couples have a certain expectation before they try it and are disappointed when often just one of them feels left out or angry at the attention the other one is getting. We’re only human!
Online liaisons can be great and satisfying or they can be difficult or destructive. In that sense they are no different from ‘real life’ connections. But the anonymity that online liaisons offer can be especially liberating and exciting. As one woman who answered my survey said, in every way it is the ultimate safe sex.
Are we setting a good example for the women of tomorrow? Do you think women in 20-years time will still be discussing and dissecting the same issues as women today?
I think we have taken two steps forward and two steps back. We have progressed in many ways, but too many women still don’t own their sexuality, and they forget about their own pleasure. Even in loving relationships, women can feel like they owe something to their partner even if they don’t feel like giving it. And too many women are still faking orgasms! Hopefully in twenty years we will be more open with each other and will feel more comfortable communicating about what makes each other happy.
To celebrate the release of such an honest and entertaining read, RedHotPie in association with Random House is giving you the chance to win one of 5 copies of Sex Lives of Australian Women
