Friends with benefits (FWB), cuddle buddies, no-strings-attached, fuck buddies…whatever label you put on it, it’s no secret that these kinds of casual relationships are becoming increasingly popular. But after being intimate with someone, it can happen that one of you might develop feelings for the other – especially if it becomes a regular thing. Whether they are feelings of lust, like or (gasp) love, there are ways that you can help avoid these awkward moments and keep things on a level that both you and your FWB are comfortable with.

Avoid ‘boyfriend girlfriend’ activities

If you genuinely want to maintain a strictly sexual relationship with someone, avoid doing anything overly ‘coupley’ to ensure that things stay casual. This could be anything from having sleepovers – if that seems too intimate to you – to going on dates to the cinemas or out for a romantic dinner. I would strongly suggest that you avoid meeting the family or anyone that is likely to question your arrangement, such as nosey friends who want you to ‘hurry up and settle down.’ This will only make things uncomfortable for both of you when you have to field awkward questions about the status of your relationship.

Don’t compromise on your rules

Whatever your ‘rules’ are for keeping it casual, stick to them. If your FWB doesn’t want to play by your rules, then they aren’t the right person for you to get involved with. Sticking to your guns will ensure that the roles within your arrangement aren’t compromised and that your FWB will know exactly where they stand with you and what is and isn’t okay. Of course, it’s okay to have flexibility with rules, provided that they work for you and that you openly discuss any changes to the arrangement and agree on them. Which leads me to my next point…

Communicate

Talk, talk, talk. Then talk some more. Although things might be ‘casual’ between the two of you, it’s still completely necessary to talk about things that might impact on your arrangement – such as if either of you has a change of heart (in any direction). You should clearly communicate what is and isn’t acceptable within your arrangement from the get-go to ensure that there are no mixed-signals and to avoid hurt feelings and crossed wires. It’s not just your own intentions that should be discussed, but your FWB’s. It’s important to discuss what you both want out of the arrangement and to ensure that their intentions align with yours. It’s also up to you whether you decide to be as open and honest about whatever else you get up to in your spare time, but respect your FWB’s wishes if a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy is preferred by them.

Know what you really want

Do you really want to be friends? Or, do you just want sex? If the latter is the case, that’s fine; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with deciding that you’ve already got enough friends and just want to have your physical needs met. That is, of course, if both of you are on the same page…which comes back to communication and not compromising your rules. Hell, you might not even really like ‘em, but the sex might be amazing! All the more reason to keep the relationship strictly physical.

Don’t get attached

It’s natural to develop feelings for someone that you are intimate with, but if you know that you don’t want to get attached, one way to ensure that you don’t is to see more than one person at once. If all you are looking for is friends with benefits, see more than one person and consider spreading out the amount of time in between seeing them. For example, only see them once every two weeks. This will ensure that neither of you become too attached and that things don’t become routine.

All good things must come to an end

Putting an ‘expiry date’ on your arrangement and agreeing to a timeframe is another way that you can avoid those awkward moments of “where is this going” and keep things fresh and exciting. This would work especially well if one of you works away, plans on travelling or moving away, as the date then can’t be negotiated and is concrete.

Dangerous chemistry

It is possible to have great sex without having that chemistry that can make you wonder if it could be something more than just casual. So ask yourself this question when getting into a casual arrangement: is it the sex or the person that you really like? Is there great chemistry between you outside of the bedroom? If your chemistry is more than just sexual, you’ll need to be extra cautious, as this is where things can start to get emotionally tricky. If you find yourself more satisfied by – and attracted to – the person rather than the sex, that’s when it’s probably time to walk away. If you start feeling jealous when they talk about other partners or other sexy activities, that’s a huge warning sign that things are more than just casual and you either need to take a step back and re-evaluate, or step away from the situation entirely before any feelings are hurt.

Naturally, all of these suggestions won’t necessarily work for everyone, as every person and every arrangement is different. Despite what the movie No-Strings-Attached would have you believe, not everyone falls madly in love with their FWB and decides to live happily ever after. This kind of casual non-committal arrangement absolutely can work. The best part? If either of your circumstances change, you can still remain close friends afterwards without any bitterness or emotional mess!

Ultimately, you need to look after Numero Uno. Protect your own feelings by playing it safe and not getting involved in anything heavier than you are prepared to commit to. Whether that’s a one-night stand or an ongoing regular FWB situation is completely up to you and your needs. If you’re going to play though, don’t just play hard…be sure to play smart!

Check out what our RedHotPie Forum goers have to say on this topic:

Read the Forum topic ‘Relationships‘
Read the Forum topic ‘Pros & Cons‘

Have you been able to make this kind of relationship work for you? Tell us about your experiences with keeping things ‘no-strings’!