Many RedHotPie couples would agree that swinging is one of the most rewarding sexual experiences imaginable. Both partners often report learning a great deal more about their sexuality through swinging and at the same time gaining a fantastic new circle of friends with which to share the more racy opinions you have about the world, which you certainly couldn’t bring up elsewhere. However, before a couple can enjoy the many benefits of swinging, it’s important to lay down the groundwork properly before even posting a profile on RedHotPie. If you are the initiating partner, you need to firstly ensure that your other half is as committed to the idea as you are.

Most couples become a part of the swinging lifestyle because of a mutual interest in involving other people into their sex lives. More than likely, one partner brought up the topic of swinging and the other partner responded positively to the suggestion, probably since both parties share the desire to explore such possibilities, or one or both partners have already experienced threesomes or group sex in the past. That’s all very well and good, but what if you’ve just never had the nerve to bring up the topic? What if your partner runs out of the house in tears at the mere mention of having a ménage-a-trois?

Clearly, how you bring up the topic of swinging depends largely on how well you know your partner, and whether your relationship is at a stage where you can be open about all your inner most wants and desires. Having said that, expressing those wants and desires can be quite difficult even for couples who have been together for many years. Confiding in your partner that you have sexual urges to include people outside of the relationship can be fraught with great misunderstandings if it isn’t brought up properly. The following are some points to consider if you are thinking of introducing the idea of swinging to your partner.

Get It Off Your Chest

In an ideal world, we should all be freely able to share everything with our partners: our fantasies, dreams, secret desires, even things that we might be inclined to keep to ourselves because we think they’re just a little bit too weird. However, in the real world, a lot of us feel it’s safer to keep what we perceive as potentially damaging thoughts safely contained in our own minds. We often don’t consider that our partners might appreciate the effort made to communicate those private thoughts. Even if our partners don’t agree with our ideas and interests, most would rather know what’s on your mind, than find out later on that you chose to act on those desires behind his or her back.

Although you may be sure that your partner is not going to be receptive to the idea of swinging, unless you are content to keep your thoughts to yourself, there is no harm in trying to promote more openness in your relationship. You can do this by simply initiating a conversation about your sex life. Find out if your partner is happy with his or her own sexuality and lovemaking in general. You may discover a window of opportunity to talk about ways to spice up your nights, even if this road doesn’t lead to swinging.

Sex and Love As Separate Entities

One of the most commonly accepted truths about relationships is that sexual interest in anybody other than your partner must be denied, covered up and (if necessary) lied about. We’re socially (and often religiously) conditioned to view extra-marital sexual relations as unacceptable, so most of us grow up believing that there are only two ways to deal with sexual attraction to other people: lying, which involves a massive cover up; and ending the old relationship to pursue the new. We are often made to feel guilty for looking at other people in a sexual light, yet there is nothing more biologically natural than a human viewing other humans as potential mates.

Being sexually attracted to another person does not mean that we forget about our partners and fall in love with the object of our lust. If a couple has a clear and mutual understanding that sex and love are two separate things in a relationship, there is certainly an avenue for adventures involving other people.

However, if your partner has always viewed sex as a sacred expression of intimacy between two people who love each other, then it would be a violation of your partner’s beliefs to try and sway him or her into the swinging lifestyle. Respect is tantamount to everything in a relationship and if your partner is quite certain that he or she is not suited to the swinging, then it may be best to enjoy your fantasies for solo play and bask in the splendour of one-on-one sex.

Why Does Your Partner Feel Jealous?

If your partner’s reluctance to consider swinging is not based on his or her values on sex and love, and has more to do with jealously issues, then it may be worthwhile exploring why your partner feels that way. Many of us associate sex as the ultimate gesture of how much our partner loves us or is attracted to us. The fact that our partner may be sexually interested in other people may feel like rejection and betrayal to people who follow this thought.

The level to which your partner feels jealousy will depend on numerous other factors, which may not even have anything to do with sex. For example, if your relationship is at a stage where your partner may not feel secure enough or certain of your commitment to them, then it is understandable that they may misconstrue your suggestion to have sex with other people as a lack of interest in them. Therefore, if you are not at a point in your relationship where such issues have been discussed at length, then it may be best to leave the topic of swinging for another time, and instead focus on other relationship issues such as commitment and dependency.

‘No’ Really Means No

If your partner has clearly stated that he or she is not interested in swinging then that decision must be respected. There is nothing more intolerable in the lifestyle than a couple that participates in swinging with one partner only there under duress. Swinging is a fun and exciting way of life as long as everyone involved are willing participants. Still, even if you get the resounding ‘no’, your partner should appreciate your honesty, and with any luck you will have found a new openness in your relationship and an opportunity to explore your one-on-one sex life further.

On the other hand, you may wish to argue that your partner should respect your desire to try new things, but then your partner can just as easily retort that you should find yourself a new partner if that aspect of life is more important than maintaining your relationship. While sex, or lack thereof, has often been the cause of relationship breakdowns, provided a couple’s one-on-one sex life is satisfying, a partner’s disinterest in swinging should by no means be a reason to end a relationship. In fact, swinging shouldn’t be entertained by a couple if it is viewed as a means to improve or replace a non-existent sex life. Swinging should be viewed as an enhancement at most, and not a solution to a mend a rift in a relationship.

Question Time

“I really want to try swinging but my partner is shy about sex. We’re hot together in bed though.”

Swinging has to be done as a couple but before you get to that stage, some people need to resolve individual issues such as body image, social shyness and other insecurities. Address these issues separately before anything else. If your partner is shy about his or her body, then you might want to start with some confidence boosting activities between the two of you such as taking sexy photos. Why not post some shots on RedHotPie’s Amateur Pics. Getting a lot of positive feedback from fellow member will surely stroke her ego!

“When should I bring the subject up?”

You may have mentioned sexy scenarios to your partner during a hot and heavy session in bed but that is not the best time to have this discussion. Your partner may be caught up in the heat of the moment and many of us agree to doing things that we wouldn’t dream of enacting in the cold light of day. Choose a time when you’re both relaxed, out of the bedroom, and feel open to discussions.

“My partner isn’t interested. Should I just go out and explore behind his back?”

Well that’s cheating in any language. If you do anything behind your partner’s back then you have to deal with the consequences, just as in any other situation that involves telling fibs.

“We tried it and I was the one who ended up having issues. Why?”

You may have initiated the discussion about swinging and convinced your partner to give it a go but did you actually consider how you might feel seeing your partner with another person? You may have been caught up in your own fantasies with other people that you forgot that jealousy can be a two-way street. Remember this before biting off more than you can chew.

“I want to talk openly about swinging, whether we try it or not, but I just know that my wife will think I am a pervert.”

Sometimes we have to accept that we all have different views about things. Unfortunately we fall in love with people who have opposing ideas to you as well. If you and your partner have compatible views on other things in life, then swinging may just have to be one topic that you keep to yourself. However, you could work on encouraging an openness where you can discuss any topic you like with your partner. Start with one-on-one fantasies first.