What hope do you possibly have of hitting over your weight and taking home that 9 out of 10 Mr or Mz yummalot.

Let’s face it, what hope do you have of hitting under your weight and taking home anyone at all?

Well don’t panic. Fortunately for the mere mortals amongst us, Mother Nature bestowed every one of us with a secret weapon so powerful that even the meek become mighty when it’s turned on

So let me ask you this. In this busy, busy, fast food, stress riddled, internet enabled life of yours, how many of you have actually learnt how to really connect to another human being.

No I’m not talking about setting up your iPhone or Facebook account. I’m talking about learning the art of seeing into another persons soul.

These days it is a lost art for the masses, but not so the ultra successful. Ask anyone how they felt when they met Bill Clinton, The Dalai Lama, Donald Trump, Oprah, Anthony Robins or any of these mega stars and you will get the same reply. “I felt like I was the only person in the room when they were talking to me”.

That is a skill that is learnt, and people who want to influence people practice it day in and day out until the presence they exude when talking to you literally blinds you.

So why is connection so powerful and how do you use it to punch above your weight.

Today’s dating world is chocka block full of peacocks, both male and female. All desperately trying to be seen and heard. In a recent survey, over 87% of people believed they were not adequately listened to and I’m betting some of you could be included in that list.

So what happens when out from all the dick waving, feather flapping, sabre rattling, grandstanding come a piercing focus with one intent – to listen and see your soul.

If you don’t believe me just look deep in the eyes of the next person you talk to. Breathe into your heart and pay absolute attention to what they say.

Don’t add your 2 cents worth, just keep the ‘space’ by being 100% present and asking questions designed to bring out emotions like – ‘How did you feel about that’, ‘How does that make you feel now’……Then sit back, let them pour out their soul and ever so slowly fall in love with you without any effort.

When they are done they will believe you have been the greatest conversationalist on the planet and a strange affect will occur – their guarded ‘loser spotting goggles’ will be replaced by a new set of natural alcohol free rose coloured glasses.

Don’t forget connection takes practice. So get to work and not only will you never be alone again… you’ll get to experience the best, most intense romance, relationships and sex a human can have.

So what is it about the Cougar that seems to be getting all the young and older men frothing at the mouth these days?

Is it the knowing smile that has launched a thousand ships and is confidently waiting to launch yours? Is the those expert fingers primed to play you like a cheap piano? Is it the mature, no nonsense, lets get down to business attitude that ‘knows what she wants and ain’t afraid to go out and get it’? Or perhaps it’s the great conversation that’s not just confined to the content of New Idea and a twilight movie.

Any way you look at it, the Cougar has a lot to offer as 40 becomes the new 25 with a little help from modern Science.

But before you get out your elephant gun and embark on your very own Cougar Safari, there are a few things you should know

1) Remember Cougars get their name because they enjoy the hunt. So make the experience fun for her from the beginning. But beware, this is not a cat and mouse game. Don’t waste her time. She knows what she wants and will be watching the clock, so keep up.

2) Cougars can literally smell fear on a man, and like their namesake it can really turn them on. So find out early on if she is a sharp fanged hunter type looking for a tender morsel to tear to pieces, or a doe eyed Bambi type looking for unabashed ravishment of her own. Either way don’t let her down or she’ll get bored and leave what’s left of you to the vultures.

3) Cougars can spot players from a mile a way, so whilst knowing your role, remember to be yourself. If you can’t read the wine list give it to her and make her feel like all those trips around the block have made her sexier and smarter than ever.

4) When she tells you her age just look bored, ‘tisk’ and say ‘As if’, then state ‘even if I believed you, which I don’t, what exactly has it got to do with anything? And change the subject.

5) Don’t brag about her age to your mates. That includes whistling the theme tune to the graduate. your ticket to the Cougar experience is subject to a code of mutual respect. If you do right by her you will be king of the jungle. If you mess her around you will be stuffed and hung on her wall along side all her other trophies.

But most of all remember that a Cougar will change your life if you let her. Just don’t be surprised if 10 years down the track a little smile still creeps over your face when you remember the lessons you learnt on your Cougar Safari.

If you want to know a thing or two about women, take a glance at any old magazine stand. The shelves are stacked to the gunnel’s with fashion, gossip, glamour, business, holidays, brides, romance, and the occasional saucy playgirl magazine. Newsagents don’t stock these titles for their own amusement, and I’m betting you’re not buying many of them!

So right there we have an almost CSI psychological profile of what women want. Your job is simple. Give it to them!

STEP 1: THE GLAMOUR MAGAZINE

Women don’t read these mags for the articles. They are visual creatures just like us. But unlike us they are less interested in the what the package is, and more interested, initially in how it is wrapped.

WHY? because from an evolutionary stand point it means,‘If he can look after himself, he can look after me’. Presentation, body language, voice tone, grooming, dress . Most men are guilty of looking and sounding like they just rolled out of a 1998 Lowes Catalogue. Not exactly a best seller.

But the good news is you don’t have to be handsome. If you want a real shot at putting a coin in her attention meter, make an effort, and if you don’t know how, get advice. Probably NOT from your mates.

STEP 2: THE ROMANCE NOVEL

Ok so I don’t mind a chick flick or two, but in-case you hadn’t noticed they ALL have one thing in common. Guys who pull their act together at the last moment to ‘CLAIM’ the woman of their dreams.

Most guys have been whipped at the dating game at one time or another. We look at a woman and think ‘Nah’ she won’t want me. RIGHT! But the fact is, would you want someone who was all ‘poor me I’m not good enough’. IT becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

So the first thing to practice is building IRON self belief. Imagine every thing she does and says is a signal that she likes you. Approach KNOWING she wants to talk to you, she just doesn’t know it yet, and don’t let anything shake that belief.

Of course you are not looking to be an annoying little prick. You are simply looking to radiate a sense of certainty about your interaction.

Not only are you sure you should be talking to her, but you’re sure she’s sure too.

If you’re not an alpha male don’t panic. She doesn’t know that, and actually she won’t care at the end of the day. She keeps on reading those romance novels not because she wants Tarzan but because she simply wants someone who cares enough to step up to the plate and give her, her 15 minutes of Cinderella.

STEP 3: THE GOSSIP MAGS

Girls love to talk. They even have more areas of their brain set aside to do just this. Hence the ungodly number of trashy gossip magazines sold every single week.

So once you have made a clear, strong introduction begin the process of eliciting her bonding juices, by using the same techniques gossip mags do. Colourful, fun, scandal and opinions. Be interested in her point of view and show her you have some of your own on the subjects she deems ‘important’. Use stories to bring out emotions in her and paint a picture of you as a complete person.

The funny thing is most of us do this all the time with family members or our mates. We just clam up with the opposite sex- so PRACTICE! No one said it was easy, but if you practice letting go of the social fears you’ve had trained into you, it’s actually really NATURAL!

STEP 4: THE HOLIDAY & BRIDAL MAG

Most males have an in built belief that women require a certain amount of time to get to know you – a certain amount of time until you can ask them for their number, touch, kiss or bed them.

This my friends is a fallacy. A woman’s ‘meter’ runs on 3 things. How sure you are, How sure she is that you’re sure, and how exciting you are making the adventure. Women want excitement, fun, a roller coaster of emotions, uncertainty, certainty and everything in between. That’s why they love magazines and men that help them escape their real lives..

So the biggest mistake most men make is relinquishing their power to design a new fun world for her in order to seem ‘congenial’. Generally girls HATE congenial. They love decisive! Not rude or pushy but certain, exciting and sure.

You can quadruple your chances with a girl if your first interaction involves an assertive introduction and a fun compliment.

Follow it with some casual, interactive bonding conversation and a polite, “I have to go now”, (insert sensitive excuse), “but I really want to finish our chat. Jot your number down and let’s catch up for coffee next week”.

If you did this 5 times last Saturday you would have at least 3 dates this Saturday. SIMPLE!

But notice you’re not asking them for their number. Your telling them to write it down as you pass them your phone or a paper and pen.

The idea is as old as mankind itself. Provide her with instructions at every point and make it clear how she should respond. Intentions are always clear, actions are always confident and calculated (No i don’t mean manipulative or annoying).

Allow her to feel she is on your rollercoaster ride, assume she is always ready to ride, no hesitations, no indecisiveness. Women can smell fear a mile away. Engage her 150% and put her in that romance novel she thumbs through every night before bed.

Women never turn YOU down. They only ever reject the artificial, fearful or unpolished image of YOU, you present to them.

What was odd was that only one week earlier the very same girl who was now looking me in the eye and coldly declaring I was ‘not her type,’ had just about begged me to marry her. And all this just 8 months after getting divorced from a 7 year marriage from hell, to the other,‘love of my life’!!

I mean, how is it possible to get so many serious relationships so wrong. Had I learnt nothing?

About this point in my dating career I had what I call a Monty Python moment. A realisation that things were so ludicrously unfunny that they were in fact quite funny again.

But the real ‘Aha’ moment came when I realised most of my friends were also neck deep in their own dating dramas.

I discoverd that whilst perfectly designed for millions of years to explore each other, have sex, fall in love, build families and get lashing of pleasure from it all, the only thing that had changed over all this time was our EXPECTATIONS.

Every generation has different expectations as to what a relationship ‘should be like’, how they should treat someone, and what they should expect in return. And when these expectations are out of whack – KABOOM! A dating rollercoaster and a 60% divorce rate.

So if you want your next relationship to be a really good one, be it a booty call, torrid romance or a happy ever after, here are a list of some ‘EXPECTATIONS’ you might want to remember and some you might want to forget.

DON’T EXPECT

1) Don’t EXPECT them to act and think like you.

Lots of people make the mistake of projecting their thoughts, beliefs, rules and expectations on their partner. This is the fastest route to disappointment. Let them be them and you be you and love them for the differences.

2) Don’t EXPECT that just because you are together you have some divine right of ownership over them.

Ownership erodes love and kills the spark of life you were probably attracted to in the first place. Freedom builds real trust, love and growth and nurtures natural closeness.

3) Don’t EXPECT them to change for you.

Whenever you want your partner to change for you, you’re acknowledging you are not prepared to change for them. If you don’t like the toilet seat up, how do you think they feel every time you put it down?? If you don’t like something, fix it yourself, live with it or move on! Just don’t complain about it!

EXPECT

1) EXPECT life to work its magic.

When we let nature do what it does best, it generally takes care of things just fine. It’s when we come along with all our preconceived ideas and start squeezing round plugs into square holes that our little fantasies get shattered. Just enjoy the relationship one day at a time for what it really is, not what you want it to be.

2) EXPECT the best!

The benefit of the doubt is a beautiful thing. If you’re the kind of person who remembers every little indiscretion, let it go. The only thing you achieve when you drag this stuff up is to kill the relationship one nag at a time. Forget the past and you’ll have room in your thoughts and heart to enjoy the future

3) EXPECT to give without reward.

Real relationships are not a giant trading post. Be prepared to give yourself fully in the relationship, without reward. Not every one will work out, but at least you will know that it wasn’t because you held back. Many potentially great relationships never stand a chance because one or both people are too scared to open up without guarantees of rewards. Sometime we need to take the biggest risks to earn the greatest rewards.

So this spring how about we step out with a fresh exuberance, uncluttered and emboldened by the fact that we are lucky enough to get yet another shot at loving life.

So here are this springs’ must have dating tips

Smile – Studies show that people are 87% more attracted to people who smile. Sure the sultry sexy type adds an air of mystery if you pull it off, but it can just look plain miserable. In an era where half the population is on Prozac, that person with a warm genuine smile wins.

Learn Small Talk – For 2 weeks, say something to absolutely everyone who comes into your vicinity. What do you say? Well start with ‘hi, how’s your day?’, then have fun with it. See how much you can find out about the person. Pretty soon your brain will take over when the uncomfortable silences kick in and you’ll never be stuck for words again.

Show Interest –Most people these days are starving for attention, to be noticed, recognised, wanted, appreciated. It doesn’t take much effort to listen. So, instead of worrying about how YOU come across, simply pay total attention to others and watch them fall for you.

Don’t Argue – So many great relationships die because we are too busy fighting to make things the way we think they should be. The reality is, the second you ask (demand) someone to adhere to your version of the relationship, you are disrespecting theirs!

Be Honest – Sure you may lose a few dates but the ones you get will stick around, why? because people want to be with people who are not deceptive. Does that mean tell your date everything? Hell no! Too much honesty freaks people out sadly, but don’t tell great big porky pies just to make yourself sound better. Be real, even if that’s not what they want. Better they go now than break your heart later.

Open Your Mind – Too many people have big long check lists and preconceived notions about the perfect match. Studies suggest there has never been so many single people on the market, so what’s the problem? Simple, we have lost the art of seeing what’s good in someone. Many, many great people are missing out on happy relationships because we are all waiting perfection. Something we forget we are not!

Look within – Would you go out with you? HONESTLY! If the answer is no, then how can you expect someone else to! There are reams of self improvement advice and help out there. Take some time to be the best you, just as you would like your partner to do the same for you.

Don’t Get Hung Up – It’s easy to believe that a relationship or the pursuit of one is everything. It’s not. Work on loving your life and you’ll find others will want to love you.

The pursuit of pleasure. Our pleasure, someone else’s pleasure, it doesn’t matter. The trouble is when it comes to inflicting serious pleasure on our partners most of us have no idea where to begin.

So, we thought we would give you a guided tour around some of more elusive and mysterious hard core knock your sox off techniques.

G-SPOT

The elusive G-spot! You may not believe it but it wasn’t until just this year that science proved it actually existed. Up until then it was considered an urban legend, like a vaginal loch ness monster.

However as many young ladies will attest, just because nerdy men in little white coats couldn’t find it, didn’t mean it didn’t exist.

Now to be honest chaps, hitting the g-spot comes with a health warning. USE WITH CAUTION!

In other words you may not want to use this if you don’t plan on making her your girlfriend for life! IT’S INTENSE and can make her believe you are a better catch than you probably are. Having said that plenty of women just love the ultra intense rush a good g-spot orgasm can provide, often accompanied by the now famous ‘porno squirt’.

WHERE THE HELL IS IT

Well the good news is it’s not easy for the ladies to reach for themselves without having double jointed wrists, so they won’t be able to do it better than you! Which is great news for the guys who still stare at the clitoris like it’s a Rubik’s Cube from Mars.

Just for the record not ALL women have an active g-spot, but the majority do, so it’s always worth a try if she is willing to have her head literally blown off!

Relaxation and intimate comfort is the key. If she feels uptight or nervous about it she won’t let the orgasm rip through her the way it should. So take your time.

1) Lay her on her back, get lots of lube and massage her bits slowly working your fingers inside. Two fingers is usually more than enough and a steadily build up is important for maximum lift off!

2) Now start massaging the inside upper of her vaginal wall in a beckoning ‘come here’ movement with your fingers. Applying pressure from back to the front almost in a milking fashion over her pubic bone

3) Start lightly and adjust your pressure until you find what is working for her. Then allow it to build as your movements get a little more firm and frantic. Don’t forget sometimes its fun to stop and tease. Then go back to the light touch build up

4) You’ll sense when she is ready to climax as your movements get firmer and faster and she gets more uncontrollable

Note at this point she may experience a pleasurable ‘peeing’ sensation. This is normal and part of the climax. She needs to accept it and let go to get to the next level.

5) About the time she gets the ‘What the hell is happening to my body’ look on her face you know it’s you cue to up the intensity and watch in awe as she literally loses control

After she climaxes it’s not unusual for her to quiver uncontrollably or not be able to stand for some time, so don’t expect her to reciprocate. Just lay back and bask in the glory of at least temporary being a sexual god.

If it doesn’t happen – DON’T PANIC. Some women need practice to open up this seldom used area. So try, try again. Eventually you’ll get it and she’ll never ever look at you the same way again!

NOTE :- on a very few women this may hurt or be really uncomfortable, foreplay is vital with them to get maximum enjoyment. And don’t forget while your down there, you have a perfectly good tongue. USE IT!

No I’m not just talking to those of you who have been dating for some time, although this is definitely a question you need to ask yourself.

I’m talking to the boys and girls out there in dating land who have decided they have been to enough balls and kissed enough frogs, and it’s now time to start looking for a ‘real’ relationship. Whatever that might mean to you.

I have noticed over the past few years that we have collected a number of friends who have become deadly serious about the dating game, wanting, nay, expecting more from their dates. They’re making compatibility lists, reading numerous books, stating their intentions up front and generally turning the whole thing into a military operation or a board room takeover bid.

Now on one level upping your game and trying to find a more permanent or compatible partner can be a very healthy move. Many people join dating sites just like RHP because they really, really do want that someone special in their lives.

But great relationships are not quite as simple as that. They require that we continue to take risks with our hearts and hopes, again and again and again, being as open now as the first time we stepped out. It’s this openness, playfulness and self-acceptance that will draw the right kind of people towards us.

Let’s face it, who wants to get into bed with a single minded, lean, mean, serious relationship hunter with an agenda and manifesto you had no part in writing. And more importantly still, what room does that kind of attitude leave for ‘loves’ greatest allies: surprises and spontaneity.

Focusing so single-mindedly on finding Mr/Ms right is one of the main reasons that many never find what they’re looking for, instead they’ll often find themselves settling for something more akin to an arranged marriage.

Remember what you wanted at 16 is not what you wanted at 20 and neither will it be what you will want when you are 50. So the truth is when you get too fussy and serious about your expectations, it’s quite possible you will be ruling out the very person you could happily spend the rest of your life with.

If you want that special someone, lighten up and stay that way!

5 tips to keeping it fun

1- Date the unusual – Try dating people you would never normally take out. Have some fun with this and rather than noticing all the things that DON’T match your tick list, become aware of the person inside, trying to do the same thing you are. Find a partner!

2- Look at every date as a present to be unwrapped and explored for what it is, not a job interview for a potential partner.

3- Get out and do fun things – You’ll find like minded fun people doing like minded fun things. Don’t expect more from them than this and you’ll give them a chance to see the real you.

4- Don’t force relationships – A plant won’t grow if it’s over watered. Let people have their own agenda rather than trying to squeeze them into yours. You will find they will love you more for this and you will be a lot less disappointed in life.

5- Remember it’s okay to have different people provide different ‘services’ for you – Don’t try and squeeze all your needs into one person. It’s a huge ask and you set them up to fail. Instead list the people around you who satisfy you in different ways, mentally physically etc and acknowledge them for the role they play.

Well if you are looking for something more than few dirty weekends and a strawberry daiquiri or two you are definitely NOT alone.

Every month I speak to guys and girls who just can’t get past the first few dates.

“What’s wrong with me?” they wonder. Well relationships discontent has become such a problem that even the scientists have got involved to try and figure out what exactly is going on.

And believe it or not the latest studies show that the biggest contributing factor to this worldwide dating dilemma is something Austin Powers might have labeled ‘mixed up mojo’. Or more specifically, gender role ambiguity.

Basically that means girls don’t actually need blokes to survive anymore. Which means they now tend to make partner choices based on more superficial traits that often don’t survive the test of time.

And guys, no longer being ‘needed,’ are not sure what the hell they have left to offer, so they simply do their best to mimic the superficial things they think women want, at the expense of a real connection and ultimately an honest relationship.

It’s easy to forget, surrounded by our computers and iPhones that this ‘new age’ self sufficient relationship is only about 40 yrs old.

But lets face it girls, you might be able to kick corporate butt or wrestle alligators but two million years of preconditioning can’t be wrong. Your heart still skips a beat when ‘he’ takes you in his arms and you feel protected and looked after.

And every cell in his body still tingles, when she yields to him and makes him feel like a big strong man.

Unfortunately in our rush for equal rights we might have thrown the baby out with the bath water, and forgotten the true essence of lasting attraction. Complimentary opposites!

This does not mean actually being opposites. It simply means providing for your partner what they can’t provide for themselves.

Masculine ‘provide and protect’ energy meets feminine ‘nurture and nest’ energy.

Our society has taught us to suppress our innate masculine or feminine and meet in the middle which is fine if you want to run a business but not so great if you want to convince someone of your indispensability as a partner.

After all what reason have two people to stay together if they have nothing to receive and nothing to offer beyond the superficial or ‘needy’.

Lasting relationships are built by people who connect and compliment at the deepest level. And our deepest level of all is the innate roles of the masculine and feminine. Simple as that!

So if you want someone to stick around forget about being politically correct, let your guard down and explore the age old powers of the masculine and feminine.

Provide the yin to their yang and allow them to feel they do the same for you.

WANT MORE

1- Sex is a great place to start exploring each others dominant and submissive side.

2- Don’t forget no matter how masculine or feminine your date is, we all posses both. Often someone who displays one side much more than the other actually craves a connection on the less prominent side. So take the time to connect with ALL side of the person.

3- Give the other person the chance to feel like they meet your needs even if you are perfectly capable of doing it yourself. Its one thing to be tough and self sufficient but it leaves no room for them to feel needed and hence bond with you.

4- Often relationships go stale because couples fall into routines. He does this, she does that. This is why it’s so important to connect to BOTH sides of a person’s masculine and feminine and not just the one. Opening up their other sides will show your partner in a new light with new ‘gifts’ and fresh energy to offer.

5- Try and show a more rounded ‘picture’ of yourself from the beginning of a relationship. Give the other person a chance to see the variety of reciprocal energy you offer and the range of ways you can complement their life. Then give them the opportunity to feel they do the same for you.

I remember it was this time 15 years ago, after the implosion of my third serious relationships that I thought ‘Holy s#%t this boyfriend/girlfriend lark sux.

So I made a vow then and there for my own sanity, to seek out and study all the knowledge and science available on the apparent madness of dating, heartache, passion, romance and love.

What got me thinking about this pivotal moment of frustration in my life was reading in the newspaper today about the insanity of the New Year sales. People camping out in all weather conditions, trampling down doors and in some cases literally ‘dying’ just to save a few lousy bucks.

I wondered how many of these people were putting this same kind of enthusiasm and determination into finding and keeping their own relationship.

After all, a big screen TV or set of 1000 thread count sheets may be pleasant but are unlikely to really fill your life with joy, or conversely make it a living hell. They are also unlikely to run off with your best friend, break your heart, make your body explode with unbridled passion or win the house in an out of court divorce settlement.

So why are so many people willing to put more energy into buying a set of sheets than learning about and understanding the relationships that make up such an enormous part of the overall happiness of their lives?

Well the answer is in how our brains work. When it comes to matters of the heart we are particularly sensitive and begrudged to admit ‘we don’t get it’. It’s a survival mechanism. Our body produces a very strong set of chemicals to make sure we don’t ever give up on the business of expanding our gene pool.

Unfortunately one of the side effects of these chemicals is they give us a false sense of perspective as to our understanding of the opposite sex.

We don’t realise that the driving forces which push us together initially, have little if anything to do with the forces that keep us together or make us compatible long term. But it’s knowing little things like this and what to do about them that can make all the difference to the quality, fun and duration of your next relationship.

So as we slip into neutral and coast with a little lubrication into another New Year, I thought now would be a good time to remind you that this can be the best year of your life and love if you are willing and bother to ask the right questions.

It’s no secret that boys ‘n girls think differently. Even when we feel we are compatible, thanks to a little chemical trick Mother Nature pulls on us when we first meet, it’s not unusual in 6 months time to be left scratching our heads: wondering how we missed the fact we have less in common than a tree frog.

So this year at Red Hot Pie we are hoping to help bridge the gap in your understanding.

Whether a one night stand, Happy ever after, Booty call, True love, Wild fling or summer romance we all have two simple things in common.

We want it to live up to our expectations

We want to not to be hurt at the end

And it’s because these do seem such simple requests that we underestimate the complexities attached, not only in fulfilling this apparently simple request for yourself, but also doing so for another human being with an entirely different brain structure, physiological make up and perception of the world to you.

So let’s make wisdom one of our New Years resolutions this year with the following statements;

1- I will spend just a little time every week learning some of the amazing facts about love, human relationships and the opposite sex.

2- I will spend just a little time every day reflecting on my reactions to people around me. Learning more about myself, what my ‘buttons’ are and what I can do in the future to better control them.

3- Rather than judging the opposite sex based on my perspective, I will try to learn about their perspective, even if I don’t fully understand it.

4- I will remember that relationships are supposed to be fun lessons in life and love. Not just personal gratification service stations.

5- I’ll step out of my comfort zone this year, let go and give sex, love, lust and romance an opportunity to come and go through my life ‘their way’, rather than how I have expected them to up until now.

Enjoy the shiny new fresh feeling of January boys n girls. Don’t let it go to waste and we look forward to sharing the wisdom with you throughout the year.

As some of you might know Bessie and I have set off on our little Life Change Experiment’. www.thelifechangeexperiment.com – Off into the wild blue yonder to shake life up a little.

To be honest, I got fed up sitting on my ass watching other people doing cool stuff on the discovery channel. So I decided to do something about it.

Hopefully we will get to run into a few of you as we pop into some Red Hot Pie inner circle events and stop by to do relationships workshops, party, and help out in various towns and cities along the way.

But in the spirit of this adventure I thought I’d pass on some of the stuff we have learnt on the topic of….Shaking things up a little. You know, actually doing all those things you keep saying you’re gonna do, like getting out of that old stale relationship, or plucking up the courage to ask out the office spunk, or even trying something sinfully sexy you can’t get off your mind, but keep chickening out of actually doing.

Truth is if we did just 10% of the things we wanted to, but were too afraid of; we would be experiencing a whole different quality of life.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll have a long list of things you would love to be, do, try and experience, and a longer list of excuses as to why you’re not doing them. So out here on the road, we decided to find out the secrets first hand to making things happen!

What’s a guy or girl gotta do to get it all? I decided to start by tracking down people who don’t just talk the talk but really walk the walk.

So far I have interviewed overachievers like Jeff Fenech, Suzie Maroney, Benny Elias and other regular people who have lived amazing lives, done amazing things and stepped out of their comfort zones.

The first thing that struck me was how many admitted that they wish they had made their life changes sooner.

Lets face it what are we really all waiting for? The right moment? A bolt of courage from the blue? The wind blowing from the right direction? Jessica Alba to ask you to star in a sex tape with her? Pig’s to fly?

Listening to these people I realised they all had one thing in common I had never really noticed before. Sure they listed all the usual self help stuff you would expect like, work hard, positive attitude, taking action, blah blah – I had heard this all before …..But the thing that struck me most was that they’d all developed over time an ability to see failure, not as something embarrassing, hurtful or to be avoided, but as something constructive, like feedback.

WOW I thought. How invulnerable would you feel on the dating scene or climbing up your wish list ladder if you saw failure as a positive force, something to be embraced? Like an expert coach helping you eliminate what won’t work, to bring you one step closer to what will.

Remember finding the perfect relationship, sexual encounter, romantic connection, sensual indulgence, or better way of living takes a certain amount of risks. You have to put yourself out there. And with risk comes the potential to ‘crash and burn’.

So I set about looking up research on developing a Teflon attitude to failure and here’s the good news. The latest research shows that we are predisposed to be more attracted to people who have a go than people who don’t.

So whatever it is you’re doing, succeed or fail, the simple act of ‘giving it a shot’, then giving it another and another is actually an aphrodisiac in its own right.

At the end of the day it’s up to you. When you look at the people who are having the relationships you want or the lifestyle you would rather be living, you are only seeing the final result of years of falling off the horse and getting back on.

So saddle up n’ get your sexy on this summer. It may be true that fortune favours the brave! But with the right attitude you can even make striking out the new getting lucky.

TIPS

1 A happy relationship is a series of pleasures, trials and errors. Don’t look at the errors as personal failings in either of you. Look at them as rungs on the ladder of better understanding.

2 Practice seeing shitty failures as manure for the seeds of new beginning – Even with little things. Then when the big things hit it will be second nature.

3 Fear of failure is a learned thing – it can be unlearned with just a little practice every day.

4 Anyone can do it – Swimming legend Suzie Maroney told us she was petrified of everything when she started her career. She said she never actually got brave; she simply got others to push her into doing it until it became normal. Eventually she conquered incredible feats of endurance, life tragedy and even the old favourite public speaking.