BomChicka Wah Wahhhh! Don’t you just love that BomChicka feeling of hot, compatible, getting to know you sex? Its one of those feelings you don’t forget and want to keep as long as possible. Just imagine how much easier it would be to hold onto a relationship or avoid infidelity if night after night you were swinging from the chandeliers totally abandoned just like the first time you met.
So why doesn’t that wild sex last? What can you do about it and can you have a great relationship without it? Unfortunately or perhaps fortunately in the bigger scheme of things Mother Nature really doesn’t give a toss about the durability of our ‘relationships’ per se. She has much bigger problems to consider.
Mother Nature can’t afford to worry about if you’re faithful or good in bed, if you’re kind and loving and like walks on the beach or if you’re just a two time loser with bad pick up lines and a comb over. Mother Nature’s job is to make sure you do IT, and you love doing it!!! Better yet, that you love doing it so much that you’ll do it even when you know better, think you shouldn’t, or are positive it’s all going to end in tears. Mother Nature needs to make sure that sex is something we are driven to repeat no matter how heart broken we were last time or how unlikely it is to work this time, and the reason for that is genetic diversity.
Of course the idea of bonking one person with reckless abandon for the rest of your life is all well and good in romance novels and the movies, but sadly for traditionalists, genetic diversity is, in Mother Nature’s book, much, much more important than the happy ever after. Let’s face it, if sex required us to find that one perfect genetically compatible person we would be lucky to get any bonking done at all. This would inevitably lead to the extinction of the human race if not from lack of offspring then from disappointment or just plain boredom. So her solution to overcome our human idiosyncrasies, indecisions and penchant for making up rules of our own: ply us with a factory full of horny hormones and feel good chemicals and send us out to play, then just when we think we’ll explode with desire turn them off, change the rules and make us want to start all over again. This strategy pretty much guarantees our species will bonk itself silly, successfully until the end of time, despite ourselves. Unfortunately it’s not so good at promoting long term relationship bliss and this is often where we can get confused.
So realising these feelings and drive have had an innate and incredibly important purpose in our development as a species, maybe we should look at how we can work with them rather than trying to ignore, avoid or give in to them one abandoned relationship after another. After all, everyone alive today has at least one thing in common: they are the survivors of the horniest. Billions of hot sweaty sexual encounters over millions of years genetically combined to make up you! So we shouldn’t be frightened of our sexual desires.
The important thing to remember is that when you feel like getting on that serotonin saddle and riding your own way into history just remember as quickly and naturally as it comes, (literally) it’s designed to go. After the ebb has subsided to the point where life goes on, then is the moment of truth! If when the dust settles you both still have something more than just a compatible chemical resume, you’re now ready to put the ‘real’ into relationship. After all, anyone can be in love when they are high as a kite. However, keeping a relationship alive when the rush has receded yet the desires for the rush hasn’t, may not be as hard as you think. Just remember no one ever won trying to get Mother Nature to play by their rules!
Three different ways to make it work:
1. Acknowledgement: – Many people chose to ignore the issue of their ongoing sexuality altogether in long term relationships because it’s emotionally easier and socially acceptable. Of course this attitude often leads to walking pressure cookers, as humans with millions of years of genetic drives look for other means or other people with whom to express or release their sexual tension. Giving up on your natural sexuality is also a quick recipe for emotional and physical illness so acknowledging you and your partner are sexual beings and remembering the importance of that role in your history is the first step.
2. Acceptance: – When two people acknowledge each others innate desires rather than burying their heads in the sand they can start to work together to find new and exciting ways to express and release them. Often new experiences, fun sexy games, flirting or even just breaks from the usual routines will be enough to light a fire of refreshed amour. The important thing is make it your mission to explore rather than just sitting back lazily resigning yourself to fate. Your sexuality is designed to be stimulated by many things over your life not just focused on one or ignored. Use it or lose it!
3. Abandonment:- Abandonment simply means letting go of the whole notion of ‘boxed sexual ideals ’ such as ‘ownership’, or ‘if you do that with him/her you cant love me’. Its two people actively and openly seeking to explore themselves and their desires while maintaining a primary relationship. Of course this can be emotionally risky and takes a pragmatic type of person with good communication skills. But enjoying the excitement of the chemical rush in the arms of a stranger while giggling about it all later in the warmth, safety and closeness of a life partner is a way for many couples to have their cake and eat it.
