Of course when I say ‘change’ I’m not talking about simply your underwear or brand of toothpaste. I’m talking about change that is both scary and liberating at the same time. Confronting things we know we should be moving out of our lives to make room for the new: often the unknown and uncertain, but always the better whether it seems that way at first or not.

As it happens this month dear reader change could indeed afoot. I thought it might be time to look at how we could initiate our own brand of change. Develop our own set of fresh attitudes and behaviours and embrace our own style of new and irrepressible delights.

THE PLUNGE

The art of taking the plunge, following your dream and embracing change is something I have studied for many years so you would think I would be an expert at it by now. The truth is it doesn’t matter how many times you jump into icy water your danglies are always going to shrivel up at some point. Change is rarely supposed to be pain free. In fact for many it’s partly the pain that heightens the pleasure in the end, as I’m sure our more adventurous RHP brothers and sisters will attest to. However strangely enough, humans are built to both resist and crave change all at the same time, which explains all those abandoned and unfulfilled good intentions and new years resolutions littering our memory with guilt.

It also explains why so many people stay in bad relationships so long (because they can’t face change) and others cheat so often (because they desperately need change).

So how do we embrace our inbuilt schizophrenic, responsible for sabotaging or saving so many of our life changing decisions? From the quality of our relationships, outlook on life and career, to our own self perception, happiness and self esteem.

Truth is most of us are intrinsically lazy and only deal with change when our noses are rubbed in it like a naughty puppy. This is one of the reasons change seems so dramatic and painful. Because our experience has usually been forced upon us: last resort and uninvited. A little like waking up to a bikini wax.

But lasting and effective change does not always have to be like this. If you want to make things new or fresh in any area of your life from your relationships to your career, self improvement or sex life, research shows that micro-changes are far more effective. Simple, small, subtle but sincere little adjustments that slowly and painlessly ‘phase out’ old patterns by doing things slightly differently every day:-

• Take a different route home – Literally! Directions that is, although the other type can be equally as liberating

• Re organise habits – Don’t give stuff up if it hurts. Just do it at different times and in different ways

• Kiss, touch her/him in different places, different ways exploring new sensations

• Talk and act with a different attitude and energy, a little every day. Do it as a joke if you prefer but notice how it feels to be that person.

• Put on (or take off) something you normally wouldn’t and ‘own’ the look.

• Find new ways to see the world from other people’s perspective – Eat, drink or party somewhere you wouldn’t normally go.

• Take life at a different speed – slow down or speed up, opposite to your usual behaviour.

• Chat on line about something you are curious about but afraid to embrace.

The list is endless, the effort minimal and the results astounding.

Amazingly you really don’t have to plunge into pain to embrace change and alter the quality of your life forever. You only need to not sabotage the micro-changes you do make.

With no big scary life altering change to deal with it means no more battles with all those fear, comfort & stress hormones lying in wait to drive us kicking and screaming back to our old selves and mediocrity.

Just take a look in the mirror to see what 10/20/30 years of tiny biological and mental micro-changes do to you, for better or worse. Like a good orgasm, lasting change is many little micro movements that culminate in an oh oh ohhhh so much bigger result!!! Imagine all you would miss if you gave up on stroke 3 because you couldn’t see the results!!

So it seems the most powerful and lasting method of change turns out to also be the most insignificant. As just ONE simple invisible thought can alter the rest of your life forever if you repeat it, don’t fight it and let it sink in.

However the biggest enemy to micro-change is not our will power or our ability. It’s our self sabotage, doubting internal dialogue and erroneous belief that real results should happen NOW.

THE TRICK

So why do we make it so hard for ourselves?? Because as much as we may argue otherwise, most people are morbidly happy in their misery and mediocrity! There is something comforting about being able to whinge about our situation and not actually do anything about it…right?

Well that’s the beauty of the micro change. You never have to compromise the part of you that likes the hole you have been wallowing in.

What do I mean? Well believe it or not you can literally ‘trick’ yourself into change without hardly even noticing.

You see the subconscious, the part responsible for holding you back from change, is not very bright, as anyone stuck in a stupid self destructive habit, relationship or job they hate well knows. It doesn’t work on logic, but on emotions, so it literally ‘can’t hear’ you making plans and only kicks in by firing up the fight or flight response when it perceives a threat to the status quo, e.g. big change or loss.

That’s why big ‘good intentions’ rarely work long term. The bigger the change the bigger the feeling, the bigger the threat the harder your subconscious kicks in to bring you back into ‘comfort & equilibrium’: in other words where you started.

So why not treat your change like cooking a lobster. Start it off in cold water, uneventful, safe and bring it to the boil slowly over time until it falls asleep and your ‘anti change’ warning system literally won’t notice the micro differences you have made until it’s to late .

MAKING A CHANGE

So dear reader let this month be a month of change. I don’t mean scary, hard ones, I mean a change in how you see what it really takes to make lasting life altering changes.

No more big ‘will power’ workouts that do nothing but exhaust your emotions and leave you feeling like a failure. From now on just make tiny micro-changes and relax as mother nature does all the work, changing you one neuron at a time.

• Remember micro changes are often more effective than big painful ones

• Don’t look for results – ONLY look to reinforce your micro change. It’s a journey

• You can NEVER blow it or fail as long as there is another moment to make another micro change

• DON’T beat yourself up or judge your efforts. That’s the ONLY thing that can temporarily slow down your progress.

• If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong – don’t wake up your sleeping subconscious.

Remember what’s at stake – the entire world, amazing relationships, out of this world sexual encounters, deep friendships, great careers and a happy life are all only a micro change a day away.

How to know when it’s really over – The Final Crunch!! How to face getting back into singledom – The Uncertainty Crunch How to fess up to yourself about what’s holding you back – the Reality Crunch

Ironically, not unlike our current global financial balls up, these kind of make or break moments we try to avoid at all cost, usually end up costing infinitely more when ignored. So why do we leave things we know we should tackle until they literally implode around us with an unsightly, gooey puddle of regret?

Taking the first bite!

The trick to initiating any successful crunch, be it change of job, habit or relationship is to know when enough is enough. Admitting the old jig is up! We have all cringed at the train wrecks other people call relationships whilst thinking ‘How can they be so blind?’, ‘Why does he/she put up with that’. So why do we find it so hard to admit things stink when it’s us sitting in our own pile of s#*t?

Well, recent studies show that highly emotive relationships cause a chemical dulling of perception in areas used for making rational judgment. Bizarrely enough this has been shown to affect a huge range of things from our ability to spot social cues, to tell if someone is lying, picking a new car, deciding on a haircut and choosing new friends.

So if you wake up after your break up and suddenly realise you had missed all the tell tales signs, hate your new car, hair, clothes and friends you can blame it squarely on your ex and the chemical lobotomy in your embattled scone!

You see our brains really, really, really hate being wrong. Especially about our beliefs and how we see ourselves. In relationships people have quite specific ‘self perceptions’ and even if they are as simple as ‘I’m a good person’ or ‘they really like me’, at the end of the day the one thing that you have to admit when it’s over, is some part of your belief or perception is WRONG.

Not only wrong about your feelings towards them, but wrong about theirs towards you as well. And what’s worse, all these perceived humiliating errors of judgement have been made in front of friends and family. Bringing into question, so our ego believes, our emotional intelligence, maturity, social smarts, attractiveness, likeability, reliability and a whole bunch of other very sensitive issues OOUCH!!! Is it any wonder we prefer to blame the other person or just suffer n squirm making our excuses as much for ourselves as everybody else?

The good news is that much of histories greatest people from Generals to Politicians, Pope’s, Playboys and Pop stars would probably not exist without this same ability for self delusion, flipped on its head to drive them forward rather than hold them back.

You see the illusion of self deception is a double edged sword. Fear, neediness, avoidance and procrastination or courage, a fresh outlook, new starts and hope. Both sides are self fulfilling prophecies so which side of your crunch will you choose to see?

Crunch Busters

Facing up to any crunch decision can be scary. Fortunately no matter which part of your life they appear at home, work or play, they take exactly the same set of skills to overcome.

1- Know what you want

The first rule of crunch busting is to know what it is you really want. Let’s take relationships – Does yours tick at least 1 of the list below?

• Relationships are supposed to be exciting, fun, sexy and passionate (NOTE: passionate does not mean lots of fights)

• Relationships are supposed to be a loving, nurturing shared experience, where each person’s goal is to ease life’s load for the other a little, not make it heavier

• Relationships are supposed to be inspiring, comforting and enjoyable making you want to be a better person

If not ask yourself ‘why am I in it’? Then listen to the crap you spout to justify not making a change either within or without. Remember when we let go of our need to justify our crappy situation, the path to our real happiness opens up!

2- No Good Politician ever admits they’re wrong

Ok so admitting we are wrong or need to change can shake the self esteem tree and wreak havoc on our inbuilt me-o-meters so why not look at things from another entirely different but valid perspective.

Rather than being wrong why not rephrase and be oh so right!

• My relationship has not gone wrong. I have simply learnt what I needed to from it so it no longer works for me like it used to.

• My feelings have changed because I have evolved thanks to the lessons learnt.

• I’m grateful for where I have been and who I have been with, but I’m even more excited to take the next step, moving on up to the next level of my life.

Our brain’s are designed to buy this kind of perception shift, that’s why governments and advertising agencies use it all the time and get away with it so often. But can you imagine how much less hassle and baggage we would have simply by looking at things from this flipped and equally valid perspective?

So start using your thoughts to think you out of your situation rather than wasting energy on excuses to think you back in!

3- Spin is not a sin! Be a politician and lie through your teeth

Remember it’s not self deception if you know you are doing it. It’s simply temporary self preservation and there is nothing wrong with a little of that when trying to smooth your way though a crunch. In fact it can be used to great advantage if each time you make an excuse and know it, you also acknowledge a little more of what you need to change. Each time stretching the box of comfort a little further making it a little less painful until you realise what’s outside is not nearly as scary as you previously thought.

4- The Stimulus Package

A great way to stretch the comfort box I mentioned above is to organise a little stimulus package. Things that help dull the cold as you take the plunge. Friends, holidays, hobbies, on-line chat, great sex, anything to pump the endorphins and remind yourself that there is life after this crunch!

5- Just do it!

Of course the more you validate and listen to the rambling excuses of your subconscious trying to avoid your problems the more real they become.

So don’t be a ‘banker’ with a W. Start using natures own self preservation method, and create a whole new perception of your situation.

Taking action now will avoid unnecessary crunchiness in the future. Just ask the President.

Whether it’s in the safety of an online chat under the guise ‘ruup4it’, making a friend’s day with a cheeky observation or simply complimenting the check out chick at the grocery store on her great smile. Flirting is the elixir of youth. And the more you practice the better you get at it.

When you lose your desire to flirt, or at least interact playfully with the opposite sex, you lose one of nature’s finest gifts. Just ask the multitudes who have allowed the overworked, underappreciated humdrum of life or a jealous partner snuff out the spark.

But the truth is flirting has got a bad wrap. Rather than a playful and invigorating exchange it’s often seen as unattractive, forced, insincere or heaven forbid, sleazy.

Of course this is largely due to the fumbling pig’s ear most of us make of it, leading to all those uncomfortable embarrassing moments. But it’s also because we find it hard to accept flirting as a natural, normal interaction and expression of simple appreciation.

The truth is the flirt has recently been credited by the anthropological boffins as being the seed of human evolution itself.

Yes its true girls, what you thought were sleazy cum-on’s across the bar were in fact holding the very fabric of our civilisation together, whilst of course trying desperately to remove the very fabric of yours!

Apparently much like the display of the peacock’s tails, early humans showed off their bigger brains, language and smarts at the local watering hole by flirting and thus got more action than their less articulate tree swinging brothers. Although by the looks of my local pub someone was dishing out the charity bonks even back then.

My point is, the ability to flirt is actually built in no matter how shy we are or how much we hate it. The trick is to stop trying so hard to emulate what we ‘think’ is attractive to the opposite sex and let Mother Nature do what she knows how to do best. Get us laid!

Anyhoo with the arrival of Valentine’s Day this month we thought what better time to start our romp through the facts, fiction and finer points of finding yourself the perfect mate than now. So over the next few months we will be covering the 30 odd steps between flirt, F!@k and forever. Things like eye contact rules – the art of touch- flattery, coyness or cum hither – dealing with disapproval – petting 1 2 3 and so on.

So are we sitting comfortably? Let’s begin.

It’s complicated

There is no doubt that flirting can be a bitch. With all the unwritten rules, social etiquette, and personal idiosyncrasies it’s hardly any wonder most of us give up or resort to horrible lines like ‘Do you have a map? because I keep getting lost in your eyes”.

Of course the more you throw your hands up in despair at the results of your faux pas, the worse things get. Like walking, talking and any other natural skill, it needs to be practiced and if you make a half arsed effort to smile at 1 person on your monthly shindig out with your mates, you are hardly going to become Don Juan.

Take for example one of my male clients. A 35 year old virgin. Yes you read that correctly. Not for lack of desire but because he never came to grips with the idea of talking to a girl beyond normal everyday chit chat. For years he has tried and failed to ‘get a ticket into the ball park’, never mind a peek at first base. Now after 20 years of falling at the first hurdle, asking a girl out seems more like scaling Everest than a simple question with a one word response, yes or no.

A few months ago he came to me really depressed and angry at the world. I pointed out the stupidity of letting the fear of 1 word ruin his life and suggested he change his perspective. Rather than looking for a ‘Yes’ why not go out and collect No’s. Turn it into a fun game, maybe challenge a mate. This way you break the fear of rejection and start knocking the wall of possibility down one brick at a time.

Sure enough two weeks later he called and said I had ruined his game because now girls had started to say yes! His attitude had changed and his confidence grown by learning to laugh at rejection. Turning what was a negative into mini victories. Of course the women he talked to could sense his renewed confidence and relaxed approach and suddenly found that attractive. So remember perspective is everything.

What do they mean?

A common problem we hear all the time is ‘what does he/she mean. Are they flirting with me or not’. One person’s ‘Hi you’re a pleasant person to talk to’ is another persons ‘tie me up and shag me rotten’. So how do you know when no means go and vice really means nice?

The truth is, many of us flirt without really knowing it or ever wanting to take it to the next level, and that’s totally okay. All of us have acceptable and usually very flexible, (especially after a few drinks) levels, and we can’t expect other people to read our minds.

So rather than clamming up and not trying for fear of rejection or conversely, unwanted attention, take the focus and pressure off mind reading, thinking up clever lines and contrived approaches and simply enjoy genuinely expressing yourself. If you imagine they are already a mate and behave in such a way, you give them every opportunity to make a positive assessment of you either way.

Remember they don’t know you and you can imagine its kinda scary and a little disconcerting being approached by random strangers grinning inanely at you like you should drop what you are doing and rush into their arms. So guys, don’t take it personally if their reaction is a little defensive. Put yourself in their shoes. Brush up on your approaches and remember life goes on.

For those on the other end of the flirt, lots of girls complain they never get to meet nice guys. Truth is most nice guys are fed up with being made to feel dirty, small or pathetic from their past experiences approaching girls. And I don’t blame them!

Remember regardless of the size of the gold chain, chest wig or coke bottle glasses these people are going out on a limb and risking humiliation just to acknowledge you are HOT, which in case you didn’t realise is a good thing. So be nice back ladies, its not like you have to marry them.

Eye contact – The acceptable length of eye contact according to the men in white coats is 1 to 7 seconds. If you are anything like me, half way through the first 2 seconds you start feeling like a turkey. Your heart rate goes up and you start to sweat. The best remedy for this aside from 3 stiff drinks is to clear your mind, control your breathing and study their nose. Not very romantic I know but they will think you are looking deep into their soul when actually you are wondering why they didn’t see that zit on their face. Tricks like this help break down the IMAGINARY fears we all have. Try paying attention to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It’s a sign that you are hiding a fear there. Then devise ways to break the discomfort down one bit at a time. You won’t believe the results after a few months of making the uncomfortable comfortable.

Body language – Stats say that first impressions pan out something like this: 55% on your appearance and body-language, 38% on your style of speaking and only 7% on what you say. So while you worry about your next cool pick up line your body may have blown it for you. Simply imagine you are approaching a friend. Don’t pause or hesitate, be direct and open. One school of thought suggests it should take 7 seconds from when you see ‘that’ person to your first hello. This short circuits your mind’s natural urge to call you a pussy and press the eject button. Remember casual mimicking is always a winner. Studies show that it actually builds unconscious bonds between strangers regardless of how attractive they find you.

Loving them up – Advertisers have known for years that if you make someone feel a strong positive emotion before you sell them something they are up to 75% more likely to buy it. So guide their conversation into an area that gets them talking about something exciting, sexy, juicy, meaningful or passionate to them. Then switch it around and place yourself into their minds by affirming their feelings and associating yourself to the situation they have just described. Things like, ‘Oh I totally feel what you are saying, I have felt the same when I ………’ An additional warm touch on the arm or knee as you explain helps to anchor you to that emotion and they’ll start to see you in a whole new light.

Shoot for the stars – If you think you have your Valentine’s date sorted you might want to think again. Research has revealed that because women are more critical than men about their own appearance, they are three times more likely to date guys lower on the hottie score than them. Men on the other hand tend to have fairly healthy opinions of their wonderfulness but often lack social skills that women value. So guys if you want to trade up, practise your prose. Take a speakers course or acting lessons or just get out and talk to more people about more things. Ladies a little less self fladulation along with a little more self appreciation and you may be surprised who stops by to give you a hand.

So to summarise, practice makes perfect. Mother Nature gave you the skill but it’s your job to hone them. Girls give the guys a break. Try and see through his uncomfortableness and throw him a bone or two of your own.

Guys be polite. Telling a girl she is lesbian just because she would rather enjoy the night with her friends is the ultimate confirmation that she made the right choice in rejecting you. Remember it ain’t over till the fat lady sings so don’t start the night by pushing her on stage and handing her the song sheet.

OUT – Kissing on the first date: premature tonsil hockey is so Lindsay Lohan last year. This year anticipaaaaaaaaaaaaation is back sending shivers down our spines in 2009.

IN – Playing romantic and building up the tension: nothing like a little retro dating to saturate your head with horny hormones and build up passion till you pop.

OUT – Cheesy dating courses that teach guys lines to get women into bed: isn’t that what alcohol is for, and does the world really needs more charming jerks?

IN – Women’s courses that teach us gals why guys do the dumb things they do: let’s face it boys you need all the help you can get. A must for any gal who plans on dating a bloke and being happy at the same time.

OUT – Skimpy women’s clothing like short shorts, crop tops and no undies: put it away and they’ll want to unwrap it that much more.

IN – Easy access clothing like mini caftans, light dresses and no bra’s: fresh n frisky makes you feel as good as you look, in both senses of the word.

OUT – Guys who flash the cash to make up for their lack of personality: it’s credit crunch time fellas! You can’t hide forever so its time to take a lesson from Pinocchio and learn how to become a real boy!

IN – Guys who cook for you at their home and spend money on a great wine and exotic ingredients: a guy who goes that extra mile in the kitchen will go an extra two in bed.

OUT – Porn and cheesy sex toys: seen it all before. Surely they must be running out of body parts, household items and places to put them.

IN – Nuevo Nudism and dirty art house foreign films: gotta love those kinky Europeans, their penchant for nudity and uncanny ability to make anything erotic.

OUT – Text sex: seriously omg wts th point lol!

IN – Cam’sterbation: pervy and personal yet detached and delightfully debauched.

OUT – Nightclub nookie: done to death. Yes you know who you are!

IN – Dirty Day dates: so many more hours to enjoy getting down with the ladies and lads who love a long lunch with benefits.

OUT – Putting down others who have a more adventurous sex life than you: I never figured how living ‘less’ life made people feel more superior? Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

IN – Plucking up the courage to find out what you’ve been missing: sin is IN

OUT – Meaningless sex: do it coz you want to!

IN – Meaningless sex with hot horny strangers whose name you have forgotten: do it coz you love it.

OUT – Happy ever after fairytale style – Reality check – Leave the self delusion to the Hollywood set. At least they get paid to be miserable and make train wrecks of their relationships.

IN – Happy ever after RHP style: great relationships are a choice you make not a birth right other people give you so live, love and enjoy, It’s your choice.

Are you any the wiser? Probably not, so let’s get down to our New Year’s resolutions.

Confessions

So what are you going to do this year? Same/same or different?

Did you know that almost every single cell you had in your body this time last year has been replaced with new ones by now? Technically you are already literally a whole new you!

Well Geoff and I thought that since we have all become such good friends over the past year you should pop over for dinner so we can have a chat about your future and how to make 2009 sublime.

Ok perhaps a quiet drink would be better since there are now almost a million of you, but we do want to share with you some personal pearls of wisdom both of us have decided to implement to improve our lives, loves and relationships this coming year. Hopefully we can inspire you to do the same.

Do it with your heart

Well the first major New Years decision we made is ‘no more working for the man’. I don’t mean giving up our jobs, we love doing what we do, I mean no more stuck in the rut doing things we don’t like because we feel we have to, or in order to fit in.

It’s so easy to get caught up in a job, behaviour or relationship you don’t like and forget there are a million other ways to get your needs met.

Truth is: who said you have to do what you do, the way you do it every day? Who said you have to date one person or get married, play nasty, play nice, keep up with the Jones’ or bust your balls trying. It’s your life, so stop worrying about what other people think and live it for what you love.

The great thing Geoff and I have found out recently about living life like this is that even if the choices you make end up sucking, you ALWAYS have the satisfaction of knowing it was your choice not someone else screwing with your life. That means the lessons you learn are always 100% for you, rather than thrust upon you by some other idiots failings.

There are millions of great ways to ‘get’ what you need from love and life. Unfortunately most of us never experience them because we keep choosing the same ones over and over again!

So take a chance and make a new choice. There are thousands to start with on RHP alone.

• Revel in making new decisions and different choices in your life: make it into a game and drive your mates or partner nuts. They’ll love you for it in the end.

• Focus on listening to your intuition not your head: studies show we are better at making decisions when we think less with our heads (yes guys, that’s both of them) and act more from gut feeling.

• Don’t force anything: just ‘accept’, then move on and look for the next door, regrets are so last season!

Four fingers pointing back

Another thing we noticed was that most of the people who came to see us for one on one relationship consultations really only had one thing wrong with their relationships.

Yep through all the he said/she said crap, the single most basic fact was that every one of them thought they were right! Funny that.

Think about this carefully now. Every time you expect someone to do something your way, play by your rules or follow your idea of what a relationship should be like, you are asking them to sacrifice what they believe, their ideas and their rules, just to please you!

Seems reasonable I hear you say!! After all isn’t it all about me? So who’s really right?

All it comes down to at the end of the day is whether you are having a relationship with a set of rules or a relationship with a real living, loving person with all their own history, memories, values, likes, dislikes, hopes, fears, annoyances, nasty and nice – Just like you!

If you answered ‘rules’ then good luck finding happiness, you’re going to be sorely disappointed!

If you answered ‘a person’ then the great news is it’s much easier to change your outlook and expectations than it is to change theirs. Of course if you think ‘why should I change what I believe for them’ then remember they have the right to think the same back. And lets be honest this kind of attitude is hardly stimulating amorous emotions between the two of you.

So what’s the solution? Great sex. No seriously, simply focus on the things that you DO love and appreciate about them.

Also think about what is really important to you and don’t argue trivial points. That way when you do point something out, they know you mean it.

Of course if they still don’t get it then you know one thing for sure: they don’t share your values. So either change how you see things or find someone who agrees with you, just don’t stay there whinging and nagging. You may get your way one day but at what price to their affection for you

• Don’t kid yourself, people don’t bend to your will, they bend theirs and begrudge yours.

• If you can’t change how you see the situation, don’t expect them to either. When was the last time you fell in love with a nag!

• Relationships are with people not check lists. No two people are the same so focus on what you both love and do to better each others lives, rather than zeroing in on what you both dislike or what annoys you.

Lust’s a must

We are hoping 2009 is going to be a huge year. Lots of new books and a new TV show, but for all you busy people out there with us fighting the credit crunch it’s easy to get caught up in work and simply forget about feeling sexy! When under financial stress, trying to get ahead or just living a busy life our sexual signals are often the first thing we put on hold.

Big mistake. Expressing our sexy selves and particularly Sex is the best stress release of all and your body invites you to feel frisky for a reason. Every time you ignore it, or worse, link sexual thoughts or behaviours with distractions or feeling dirty, you are sending a message directly to your brain to shut up!

If you have ever wondered why the little blue pill, desperate housewives or porn are so popular it’s because we spend most of our lives shutting off our natural turn-on’s. So when it comes time and we want a little R n R it’s just not the same. We have dulled the signal to our brain and need help to enhance nature’s thrills with these time manageable substitutes.

Now of course I’m not suggesting we all instantly drop our draws the moment the mood takes us. But think about it boys and girls. How many times have you said ‘no’ when you meant ‘yes’. How many times has the trivial task trumped the passionate possibility simply because you were too busy, too tired, too distracted, too scared or too shy to get it on.

This year we have decided to let nature be our guide, enjoying the flush of foreplay or fantasy in the moment whenever possible. Or at very least filing it lovingly for later rather than just ignoring it and hoping it goes away.

Your brain won’t fight you forever people. Eventually it will just give up and leave you to reminisce about the good old days while you sip tea and get off on watching the bargains on The Price is Right. Scary thought huh!

So let’s redefine in 2009

Re define – What we want from our life

Re define – Who we want to be over the next year

Re define – The kind of relationship and love lives we want

Remember this time next year you will be an entirely different person again cells, brain, experiences, love, life n all. So now is the time to set in motion exactly who that is going to be and how you’re going to feel. In the mean time you might want to give all those virginal new cells a break by joining us in a little New Year detox. HAPPY NEW YEAR

I must admit that if there is one good thing that can be said about this time of year…aside of course from the free booze, presents, holidays, Xmas pudding, days off work, sunshine, pretty lights and a get out of jail free card for ‘silly’ behaviour, it’s that everyone is in a particularly good mood, except of course for the scrooges.

But weird, old, grumpy, rich guy fetishes aside, at Christmas time the door is wide open for us to step out, fully committed to making a complete fool of ourselves in love, lust or any other satisfyingly sticky, ule tide union that tickles our fancy… so let’s take a look at a few opportune areas.

Holiday Hanky Panky

Madonna understood the value of some good old fashioned Xmas Hanky Panky. I seem to remember she liked hers with a good spanky but that, of course, is not a pre requisite.

What is however a pre requisite is the ability not to chicken out at the first sign of nerves.

Decision – to experience a desire

Desire – to look out for an opportunity

Opportunity – to take action, followed by spontaneous burst of alcohol fuelled enthusiasm

Action – to make contact, followed by spontaneous burst of abject terror

Result –

1) Wake up with a silly grin on your face, a party hat on and a stranger in your bed

2) Wake up the same as yesterday but twice as depressed!

Fighting the urge to chicken out is all about becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable. There is absolutely no point in being coy. From moment one, when the urge leads to the eventual re application of underwear, lipstick and your dignity – Carpe Diem is the de regur.

But pretentious foreign phrases aside how does lil ol’ you, all bashful and shy, pluck up the courage to instigate such a liaison or avoid those uncomfortable moments that make you wish you had stayed home to watch the Queen’s speech?

The answer is to actually take yourself and the event a whole lot less seriously. Awkward and uncomfortable can easily dissolve into relaxed and rootable with a little levity and a laugh.

Now I’m not suggesting you become Eddie Murphy or Jim Carrey this Christmas, but trying to be cool and think of interesting things to say is hard work and usually makes things worse, so a little preparation can go a long way.

As a great comedian once said, the best spontaneous moments are the ones you have rehearsed three times. So here is how to thaw your thoughts and untangle your tongue when the nerves kick in and the spontaneity has turned to cheddar cheese.

Take a deep breath and draw attention to your discomfort. Yes, point out how crap you are at chatting them up and how you know it. We love it when people can laugh at themselves because it simply shows that they are unpretentious and real. And that is after all, what we want in a partner. Right!

We all have an easy going wit in us when we talk to our friends but it seems to elude us when we are standing in front of a prospective date! Just remember 90% of the time the person you are torturing feels like the discomfort is their fault too, so sharing this joke can break the tension and help get down to the business of bonding.

Even major faux pas and lack of anything to say at all can be made to look cute or endearing especially at Christmas with a comment like “Wow how much do I suck at this chatting up thing” or “Ok, I have an admission to make, I suck at thinking up cool, interesting things to say, so rather than me dying from embarrassment every time I open my mouth how about we make it fun. I buy a round every time I say something stupid, hopefully we’ll both get drunk, and then no one will notice I’m not George Clooney”

This kind of attitude works in every scenario from the beginning of a date to the uncomfortable and sheepish morning after. Why sit there and cringe? It’s a pointless waste of a perfectly fun experience. Take a deep breath, conjure up the naughty side that got you there in the first place and take the piss out of you, the situation and how you feel at that moment.

WARNING this invitation to make merry with the mirth does NOT extend to satirical observations about them, even if they bring it up first. There is a reason it’s called SELF deprecation!!

1) Do milk the mood for all its worth

2) Do ask out that ‘dare date’, it might just be your lucky day

3) Do practice thinking up things to say when you are uncomfortable, you’re not a comic genius so a little rehearsal never hurt. Remember spontaneity is often the most natural when its not! if you know what I mean.

4) Do remember no one said it was going to be easy, but at least now it should be a laugh!

1) Don’t make excuses – fortune favours the brave.

2) Don’t get too drunk – Dutch courage only makes you funny to you

3) Don’t try and be cool, funny, suave or sexy – it makes most of us look slightly mentally retarded

4) Don’t make jokes at their expense if you intend on seeing them again.

Play The Play Card

When your inbox is chokka full with valuable information such as how to make your penis bigger, meet a Russian bride, inherit $24 million dollars from an African politician and stock up on erectile dysfunction medications, sending a ‘Happy Xmas’ by email just doesn’t have the cut through it once did.

Remember Christmas is the one time you have an excuse to contact all those potential new flames and old sparks you’d like to re ignite, without looking like a stalker. So make the most of it and go with the shot gun approach, blasting out as many Christmas cards as you can think of while the hunting is good. That way you won’t be caught singing ‘Auld Lang Syne’ into the bottom of a beer glass alone on New Years Eve.

The AMAZING thing about Xmas cards is that if the person is not interested, you simply claim ‘you were being nice’ or ‘you sent them to everyone’ and the matter is instantly forgotten, dignity in tact.

So although it may be more convenient to email your Christmas cheer, if you are hoping to make an impression get off your ass and buy a personal card.

No one ever got laid sending BILO recycled, bulk, season specials and nativity scenes, so make your card stand out and your message mildly meaningful. By ‘mildly’ I mean don’t make it gushy, the card already says enough. Just make it thoughtful and make reference to something nice about them.

E.g. ‘Thanks for making Monday morning’s less painful’. Or ‘Thanks for putting a smile on my face in 08’. You will be surprised at just how much of an impression this little gesture can make in a world of high speed impersonal communications.

The real trick to pushing them over the edge is to add just a dash of subtle perfume or cologne – I repeat, SUBTLE but sexy. That way when they open it in a state of anticipation their brain pleasure receptors will get a whiff of the wonder of you. Seriously, it’s been proven we are more likely to be attracted to someone when we are presented with their scent while in a good mood or state of excitement. Just hope your card doesn’t arrive with their credit card statement.

Now remember. Don’t just use this tip for your love life. Spread the cheer and use Christmas as an excuse to mentally nudge anybody you might want to make contact with in the year coming, business and pleasure. Perhaps give the perfume bit a miss unless you are hoping they’ll want a lung full of the real thing, but the rest is a sure bet for career success.

NOTE: Just a little note to the naughties amongst you. Don’t forget your booty calls. Nothing says “Thanks for all the meaningless sex, it means a lot” quite like a hand written card.

Also don’t forget all your RHP wink buddies and friends – Why not write an Xmas message on a new picture of your suitably scantily clad sexy self and up load it for them all to see. Perhaps go with the 12 days of Christmas theme and upload a new one every day for a different friend. Alternately it’s a great opportunity to hook up with the date finder. After all how else are you going to get their Xmas card too them. It’s the perfect excuse!

1) Do get off your ass and buy real cards

2) Do include everyone and anyone you have ever had a crush on. You get one shot a year to be a stalker, make the most of it.

3) Do follow it up while the mood is good or better still while you can still use the excuse ‘its Christmas I was tipsy’

4) Do check any perfume or cologne you use doesn’t smell like dead cockroaches or alcoholics breathe when left on paper for a day (this comes from personal experience)

1) Don’t write soppy messages, add love hearts, glitter etc

2) Don’t send the same card to their twin sister/brother unless you are prepared to walk the walk!

3) Don’t leave the envelopes open around anyone with a sense of humour and access to a packet of condoms.

4) Don’t come crying to me because they didn’t send you one back – This is about sexual PR people, not fairness!!!

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

I’m not going to go through all the boring do’s and don’t of gift giving. Should you buy sexy knickers or perfume, a rub and tug voucher or a tool set? The list is endless and one mans socks is another mans foot fetish. Hmm that came out wrong, but you know what I mean.

There is however one simple trick to figuring out what to buy for those of us who can’t think of a number between 1 and 5 and add that many zeros to the price tag. Get a gift that demonstrates ‘TIME’. No I don’t mean a watch I mean something that ‘appears’ to have cost you personally rather than financially. Perhaps something you put together yourself or something that shows you have been paying attention.

Now this might all seem too much to bother with but it’s really very simple. Get whatever you were thinking of in the first place and either customise it, wrap it uniquely or make opening it into a game, preferably involving the removal of clothes or some other distraction that will take their attention off the fact that the gift was not that flash. Simple!

Lets be honest we only give because it makes us feel good. So why not cut to the chase, make the most of the self indulgence of the season, Give yourself a break, Give something new a go, Give someone a chance and most importantly Give the kid inside you permission to run amuck this Christmas.

Here’s hoping you have a dirty, dirty Christmas and happy, horny New Year xxxx

Only two months left to make 08 great! I must admit I love November. It’s time to squeeze the last drop of life out of the year as the subtle scent of anticipation and sins of the flesh signal the imminent arrival of orgiastic Xmas excess.

This month the Red Hot Pie Gods have decreed ‘Naughty November’. Perhaps not quite Shakespearian in its originality, but none the less, appropriate for a time of year with such unique energy. It’s a time to shake out the fake, re invent, self express and roll into the New Year with some decent sins worth absolving and hopefully a renewed outlook on your life.

LITTLE DEVIL

For the next 30 days give the side of you that’s been under lock and key a chance to burst out and breathe, before the booze ups begin. Letting lose at the office Christmas party after 10 too many butterscotch schnapps’ shots may be the easiest way to exorcise your ‘evil’ twin, blow off some steam and express your inner vamp, but it’s a cop out!

The truth is your ‘evil’ twin is not ‘evil’ at all and if you pluck up the courage to let it from time to time while copus mentus (sober), you’ll be amazed to find its only purpose is to bring balance, perspective and a sense of ‘wholeness’ to your life.

Remember what we repress we express, which is the artsy way of saying if you don’t let it out one way, it will explode out another – and that can be a gooey mess you don’t want to have to explain!

UNLOCK

The secret, they say to a happy life is to be ‘who you really are’. This, as anyone who likes to get up at noon and mow the lawn wearing nothing but gum boots and a grin, is often easier said than done.

So it’s hardly surprising so many people are unhappy with their lot. When most of your life is spent faking it to fit in, for the benefit of other people, it’s hard to remember that it’s not ‘other people’ who have to live your life.

The funny thing is while everyone is running around putting their best foot forward and trying to be ‘accepted’, we are all desperately trying to find someone who is simply being themselves!!

So what’s bubbling underneath the person you project to the rest of the world? What vice might be nice or what self expression might lift the depression? Are you giving others a chance to experience the real you? Are you even giving YOU a chance to experience the real you!!

Have you got a wild cat purring under your pussy cat façade, or a teddy bear hiding under the tough guy talk? Is there a desire to dominate under a submissive smile or perhaps you’re so used to pleasing others you have almost forgotten how to please yourself. The point is putting on a front only attracts people to the ‘illusion’ of that front, not the reality of you!

The Naughtiness this November is that feeling you will get from being unashamedly YOURSELF! This month is the perfect time to make the transition from ‘don’t let them see’ to ‘this is me!!!’ So in the words of Dr Frankenfurter, why not come up to the lab and see what’s on the slab”.

SHAKE IT UP

Most of us are so scared we will be rejected or caught being ourselves and exploring our options, that it’s easier to criticise the more adventurous and simply pretend we‘re happy the way things are.

However the latest scientific research suggests that the happiest people are the ones that never stop learning about themselves. They are not afraid to try new ideas or cultivate old ones and they enjoy sharing their experiences with others around them.

We all get stuck in routine and often forget the smorgasbord of possibilities waiting to be enjoyed – so be your own devils advocate and try something new, something to help you grow a little.

Start with yourself. Is what you have done this year really making you happy?

Why not put your relationships straight at work or play. Tell it like it is. If you’re bored with your sex life, admit it to your partner. It’s no ones fault. Have the guts to address your problems, explore possibilities and save yourself a whole lot of frustration.

Stop making excuses for what’s holding you back and grab the cute office boy for a quickie in the closet. Take your best friend on a date or put an ad in the paper for free hugs. Eat what you like when you like or perhaps do the opposite if that’s novel for you. Splash out on something you really want or pluck up the guts to just say no!

Why not try writing a sexy journal to express your thoughts each day, then stick it on line anonymously and get a kick out of purging your soul. Its cathartic and you’ll get some useful feedback from others with unique perspectives who read it.

Emotions, sex, food, possessions, love, lust & living, shake things up by balancing and embracing your power from ALL sides of your life.

SWEET AS SUGAR

Still stuck for ideas? Why not get yourself a sugar Daddy or Mummy this Xmas or perhaps you’re in the position to be one. Find out the joys of being wined, dined and lavished with gifts. You never know, you just might end up with Bono or some other undercover aging rock star, more than happy to share some life lessons and take a few sexy holiday snaps…

Hooking up for the holiday season with someone of substantial age difference can be incredibly beneficial to both parties. On one hand you have wisdom, savvy and life experiences all washed down with a new wardrobe and vintage champagne, and on the other the fresh exuberance and energising outlook of youth, with a dash of self indulgence and healthy dollop of spontaneity to get the party started.

In the same vein, nothing shouts ‘experience’ like going a few rounds in the cage of life with a self confessed cougar, (a sexually active, socially successful woman, mature in years) willing to impart her wickedly carnal wisdom on a willing young buck like yourself.

Age gaps provide numerous mutual benefits and disapproving of these kind of hook-ups on the numbers front alone is so ten years ago. It’s easy to forget there are so many eligible opportunities out there, just waiting a couple of mouse clicks beyond your usual or ‘predictable’ age range.

NURTURE A NERD

Why not step out of your comfort zone and date the opposite of your normal type – I know of at least 3 successful marriages that started like this.

Do you realise that 90% of your partner preferences have been unconsciously implanted in your brain by social suggestions like advertising, friends, media and who’s hot on TV at the moment, rather than genuine evolutionary compatibility. Which means unless we are smart enough to read through the brainwashing – there are a whole bunch of hotties flying under your radar… criminal!

Let’s face it, how many of your ‘type’ have you hooked up with before everything went down in flames? If you keep listening to this intrusive social programming, like a moth to a flame, you’re going to keep getting burnt.

So don’t judge book by its cover. You never know, that person whose profile you just deleted could have been the love of your life. Next time why not take a moment to find the connection and unwrap the packaging

USE IT

It’s no fluke that RHP covers so many great ways of improving your life. The entire RHP team, the Love Gods as I like to call them, immerse themselves in modern dating and relationship culture every moment of every day, and each of them want to share their enthusiasm, experiences and knowledge with you.

So make good use of the unique tools, features, functions and friends they provide for you here on line, and let RHP be a part of improving your love & life.

There is not another creature on the planet that has the ability to experience pleasure in as many unique and naughty ways as us humans do. We are every inch, inside and out, custom built to experience sensuality, excitement, passion, fun and delicious delights of delectable deviance and what do most people do with it? Nothing!!

It may not feel like it all the time but underneath that same old routine and daily yawn lies a walking Ferrari of erogenous possibility. So this month we are going to help you pull back the roof, find a play mate, slip yourself into gear and discover what’s really purring under your hood.

GET NEKID
Getting back to nature is definitely the first step to finding your transcendental titillations! There is no better way to instantly remind yourself of all those forgotten erogenous zones than to let it all hang out. Skinny dipping or flapping in the breeze may sound terribly uncivilised, but it’s guaranteed to get the circulation going and flood your brain with all that chemical good stuff. Naked is after all our natural state and there is something raw, exciting and liberating about getting back to what was intended. Even if it’s just dropping your drawers the moment you walk in the door from work, it helps your body and mind remember you’re so much more than just a nine to five and guaranteed at very least to make the neighbours lives more interesting.

SHARE THE SEXY
While you’ve got your knickers off why not take a few photo’s with your partner or a friend. Unleashing the exhibitionist within is fast becoming a popular past time for the libertines of this world and there are lots of sites you can post your new found freedom on anonymously or other wise for the viewing pleasure of others. Exploring your inner porn star without ever revealing who you are or leaving the comfort of your house can be lots of fun, and you may be surprised at just how appreciated those wobbly bits are by the multitudes of like-minded ardent admires online.

PORN AGAIN
If you don’t want to do it yourself why not grab a few DVD’s with a partner and check out how the experts do it. But rather than sticking to the bog standard, why not stretch those sexual synapses and dig out something different. No matter what you have fantasised about you can pretty much bet that someone has made a movie about it, so pick a few ‘brave choices’ between you and have fun getting inside your partners head, finding out what and how their fantasies turn them on. You may be surprised at what gets you going when you put your mind to it and it could open up a whole new world of exploration you had never thought of before.

STAYING POWER
The number one killer’s of all things sexual are self esteem, stamina and stagnation. Too little of the first two leads to too much of the last. It’s a vicious circle that’s hard to break, but sex and sexual stimulation are not just for fun. They play a vital role in our physical and mental wellbeing and are well worth looking after. The reality is you’re never going to have chandelier swinging, supercharged sex if you’re 30kg’s overweight, smoking a pack a day and feeling crap about yourself. As much as you may feel like a broken down Ute, sometimes your body can only perform like a supercar when it’s looked after.

The hard fact is, life has enough mediocre in it without us sabotaging our ability to experience the one thing our bodies are designed to make us feel good about. Sex! So remember if you want to enjoy doing ‘IT’ more, do something, because doing anything is better than doing nothing.

GET OUT AND ABOUT
Think for a second of all the wonderfully exciting areas of your body just waiting to be teased, twiddled and turned on. Now think of all the wonderfully enticing places you could try it. Different scenery and locations can entirely change the sexual dynamic between two people, firing up sexy lost memories or creating exciting new ones. Of course if you’re really up for some serious sex-ploration why not check out the sexy travel packages. Yes there are even travel agents especially for adventurous perverts like you.

With luxury resorts in beautiful locations around the world often frequented by the rich, famous and other people who enjoy living life a little larger than most, there is plenty of room to explore nature in more than one way and meet like minded lovelies like yourselves.

PLAYTIME
If going overseas is all too hard why not shake off the winter woollies and give your comfort zone a good stretch at your local swingers clubs. People are often surprised at how easy going these places can be. After all everyone there was once standing at the door thinking “Oh my god am I really going to do this’. So even if you’re not up for anything more than a new perspective on life, why not pop in and see what all the fuss is about. Most have a strict politeness policy which means new people are quite welcome to hang out at the bar and just get to know others, just like in a normal club.

So hit yourself over the head with the daring stick and find out why the word spice rhymes so nicely with life!!! This spring it’s time to use every single thing Mother Nature so generously gave you to explore all the incredible experiences waiting out there for you to have. Life is too short to let others have all the fun so make sure you get your piece of the pie. Turn off the TV, turn on a friend and supercharge your sex life.

It seems everywhere you look, in movies, adverts, clubs, pubs and magazines gender blending is becoming mainstream. So what is it about two girls kissing that we can’t get enough of? When Britney did it to Madonna on stage, the world went mad. Anyone would have thought by the attention it received that they had discovered the secret to world peace. Although if they had they probably wouldn’t have got nearly as many hits on YouTube.

Bisexuality is far from being a new thing and in many societies it has been quite the norm. Centuries ago men used to be away from home for years at a time. Short on batteries, the most stimulating thing left for a crusaders’ wife to do was sit on the hub of her cart or hook up with the lonely maiden in the shack next door. It seems that where there is no willy there is always a way.

You may also be surprised that even the animals love a bit of bi action. Guy penguins regularly pair up and swap sexual favours when the mood takes as do most species. Bonobo apes, our closest ancestors, are renowned for same sex hook ups, with females spending hours masturbating higher ranking females, and males providing everything from grooming to oral sex in exchange for just about anything the other wants to give.

Its human nature to want what’s a little bit naughtier than ‘nice’, but bi behaviour is rapidly becoming just another mainstream choice. In our research talking to bi women they all agreed that it was not only a lot of fun but that it was a much more natural and easy going experience than they had expected.

The fact is that even the scientists agree, bisexuality is far closer to our natural human sexual state than we might want to admit.

So what should you know if you want to try bi?

Well if you have had the urge then you are definitely in good company. However it’s important to remember to resist the temptation to question your sexuality no matter how good the experience. ‘Licking a little lipstick does not maketh the lesbian’.

The reality is that you are still you. You are not the sum total of your sexual encounters. What tasted great today may or may not be on the menu tomorrow and that’s the whole point. It’s all about freedom to experience, freedom to explore and freedom to feel. It’s not about looking for another label or stereotype to box yourself in with.

Of course the best place to find like minded people is on social networking sites like RedHotPie where you can ask all the tricky questions in the safety of your slippers. This is a great place to start because it gives you an opportunity to explore the fantasy with real people, and get real answers to your questions.

It’s also quite acceptable on line to mention that you are new to this kind of thing. Lots of people on dating sites call themselves ‘bi curious’, which means they are new or only dip their toe in the water once in a while.

You will also find that if you mention you’re a newbi (newbee) many of the bi couples and singles are happy to talk with you about their experiences if you ask for advice.

Of course these days’ ladies you don’t have to be that brave to literally walk up to some sexy thing in a club and plant a big wet kiss on their lips. Aside from making a lasting impression the odds are it won’t be their first and as they say ‘luck rewards the brave’. So pucker up and French a friend! You never know you may just like it, and who knows you may just be doing your bit for world peace after all.

TIPS TO TRY BI

1 Remember to take things at your own speed. Experiencing anything new is exciting. Don’t let your chemicals trick you into believing it means more than it does.

2 Each to their own Don’t judge yourself or others. And don’t feel like you have to label yourself one thing or another. The whole point is to enjoy alternate and new experiences, not to redefine who you are. Remember chicken one day or fish another, the person eating them is still the same.

3 Explore on line Have a few fun experiences on line first. You’ll start to get the idea and learn your own limits.

4 Admit you are new If you do feel extra nervous or unsure don’t be afraid to tell people you are new. Remember they have ALL been there at one point and often their experience will help you over your nerves.

5 Relax and have fun

Remember its all about fun. Keep it that way.

So why doesn’t that wild sex last? What can you do about it and can you have a great relationship without it? Unfortunately or perhaps fortunately in the bigger scheme of things Mother Nature really doesn’t give a toss about the durability of our ‘relationships’ per se. She has much bigger problems to consider.

Mother Nature can’t afford to worry about if you’re faithful or good in bed, if you’re kind and loving and like walks on the beach or if you’re just a two time loser with bad pick up lines and a comb over. Mother Nature’s job is to make sure you do IT, and you love doing it!!! Better yet, that you love doing it so much that you’ll do it even when you know better, think you shouldn’t, or are positive it’s all going to end in tears. Mother Nature needs to make sure that sex is something we are driven to repeat no matter how heart broken we were last time or how unlikely it is to work this time, and the reason for that is genetic diversity.

Of course the idea of bonking one person with reckless abandon for the rest of your life is all well and good in romance novels and the movies, but sadly for traditionalists, genetic diversity is, in Mother Nature’s book, much, much more important than the happy ever after. Let’s face it, if sex required us to find that one perfect genetically compatible person we would be lucky to get any bonking done at all. This would inevitably lead to the extinction of the human race if not from lack of offspring then from disappointment or just plain boredom. So her solution to overcome our human idiosyncrasies, indecisions and penchant for making up rules of our own: ply us with a factory full of horny hormones and feel good chemicals and send us out to play, then just when we think we’ll explode with desire turn them off, change the rules and make us want to start all over again. This strategy pretty much guarantees our species will bonk itself silly, successfully until the end of time, despite ourselves. Unfortunately it’s not so good at promoting long term relationship bliss and this is often where we can get confused.

So realising these feelings and drive have had an innate and incredibly important purpose in our development as a species, maybe we should look at how we can work with them rather than trying to ignore, avoid or give in to them one abandoned relationship after another. After all, everyone alive today has at least one thing in common: they are the survivors of the horniest. Billions of hot sweaty sexual encounters over millions of years genetically combined to make up you! So we shouldn’t be frightened of our sexual desires.

The important thing to remember is that when you feel like getting on that serotonin saddle and riding your own way into history just remember as quickly and naturally as it comes, (literally) it’s designed to go. After the ebb has subsided to the point where life goes on, then is the moment of truth! If when the dust settles you both still have something more than just a compatible chemical resume, you’re now ready to put the ‘real’ into relationship. After all, anyone can be in love when they are high as a kite. However, keeping a relationship alive when the rush has receded yet the desires for the rush hasn’t, may not be as hard as you think. Just remember no one ever won trying to get Mother Nature to play by their rules!

Three different ways to make it work:

1. Acknowledgement: – Many people chose to ignore the issue of their ongoing sexuality altogether in long term relationships because it’s emotionally easier and socially acceptable. Of course this attitude often leads to walking pressure cookers, as humans with millions of years of genetic drives look for other means or other people with whom to express or release their sexual tension. Giving up on your natural sexuality is also a quick recipe for emotional and physical illness so acknowledging you and your partner are sexual beings and remembering the importance of that role in your history is the first step.

2. Acceptance: – When two people acknowledge each others innate desires rather than burying their heads in the sand they can start to work together to find new and exciting ways to express and release them. Often new experiences, fun sexy games, flirting or even just breaks from the usual routines will be enough to light a fire of refreshed amour. The important thing is make it your mission to explore rather than just sitting back lazily resigning yourself to fate. Your sexuality is designed to be stimulated by many things over your life not just focused on one or ignored. Use it or lose it!

3. Abandonment:- Abandonment simply means letting go of the whole notion of ‘boxed sexual ideals ’ such as ‘ownership’, or ‘if you do that with him/her you cant love me’. Its two people actively and openly seeking to explore themselves and their desires while maintaining a primary relationship. Of course this can be emotionally risky and takes a pragmatic type of person with good communication skills. But enjoying the excitement of the chemical rush in the arms of a stranger while giggling about it all later in the warmth, safety and closeness of a life partner is a way for many couples to have their cake and eat it.