For so long we’ve been reading articles on how to increase sexual stamina, curb premature ejaculation and improve the act of penetrative intercourse but an all too common short coming of most modern media dealings with the subject is the inability to address the couple. Too often the symptoms and cures are directed at the man in the relationship, and when you consider that women are suffering every bit as much from these problematic eruptions and over zealous hands, it’s obviously time to pair up and tackle the problem as a unit.

There are numerous factors contributing to inability for men and women to connect completely in the sexual sense. From the fractured state of masculinity in the 21st century, to pornography, to toilet wall sex education… all these things maybe misinforming and without direct and open lines of communication between the sexes, it’s easy to see how the problem becomes self perpetuating.

Unfortunately, men are often too proud to ask questions, and women are too embarrassed to suggest possible improvements but that’s exactly where we must start. Girls, as the saying goes, don’t ask and you don’t get, so you have no grounds for complaint if you haven’t at least tried to address these concerns with your man. Sure his ego might get a little roughed up but in time as he’s watching you fly through your third orgasm, I’m sure his inner caveman will be chest thumping like crazy!

And gents, it’s true, some girls want you to man up and dominate in the bedroom but if you’re not that guy yet then you’re going to have to ask questions. Look at it this way, the more questions you ask, the more answers you get and with each new relationship you are going to be better equipped. So ask your girl what she wants, how you can improve, if she likes foreplay, if she likes anal play, if she would mind dirty talk… it’s all going to lead to better sex in the end, if not with her, then your next partner.

So we’re starting to get a dialogue going which is of course half the battle, so let’s get onto foreplay. Now we’re talking about sex here, so there are no hard and fast rules, the only consistent is that everyone is different and we will all change our mood and desire dependent on our circumstance, so again… our best friend is communication, especially in a new relationship. It can be as simple as asking a partner if they’re into foreplay, if they are then you can expand on your questioning to really get your mind around their likes and dislikes.

Ladies, it’s very important to be vocal about foreplay as it will often go a long way to ensuring you’re ready to enjoy the main event to follow, so coach your man a little. If he’s pressing the clitoris like a nitrous button, ask him to work up to it, make it out of bounds for the first ten minutes – the men like a challenge!

Unfortunately it’s all too common for the modern man to mimic what’s he’s seen or rely on the dodgy information he’s been given, so thanks to drunken pub talk and racy porn films you can expect a cock in your face, a quick finger if you’re lucky and bang; you away and racing. Again, don’t be afraid to pump the brakes and withhold the prize until you’re ready to hit the gas with your man.

Something for both parties to remember is that sex, be it foreplay or penetration is not about routine; a repeated cycle will soon become boring and ineffective so keep things fresh. Maybe you’re partner likes foreplay, but don’t be afraid to read the situation, maybe you’ve just sat through a particularly horny film, try to empathise with your partner, he or she may well be thinking the same dirty thoughts as you. A little bit of sexual initiative will often lead to the hottest, hardest most spontaneous sexual encounters.

Now once things are underway we may encounter the premature evacuation of the testes. Now this can be embarrassing and demoralizing for a lot of guys so ladies, a little kindness and a few carefully chosen words will help the situation no end. Play it up, remember the guy is launching early because having sex with you obviously blows his mind, so take it as a compliment and work toward a solution. Keeping the mood light will make things easier. Gentle quips like “Jesus, you must think I’m Jessica Simpson hot” or “how good am I at working the pump?!? I want another go” might get a smile and ease any tension that’s present.

If your boy is prone to blowing early, accommodate his speed, give him head or hand and tell him it’s ok to come straight away, he can return the favour while his marbles reload then you can both go at it proper and his staying power should be greatly increased!

Boys, if this woman is letting you stick your appendage inside her, there’s a good chance she likes you enough to be sympathetic to your situation. Don’t shrink up and get embarrassed, be open about it and ask her what else you could do for her while you recover, again this is a chance to get some information about what she likes. Hopefully as you become better educated inre her likes and dislikes your ability to please her will increase, thus decreasing your anxieties and your premature arrivals.

Once penetration is achieved, don’t feel like you’re locked in the race toward the finish line, enjoy the act but know you can break away to spice things up with more head, kissing, rubbing, fondling or anything that increases the connection; believe me, you’ll always return to the penetration so mix it up.

Afterplay is possibly the most important part of the entire sexual cycle so far as the connection between a couple goes. The physical goal has been achieved and the exposed afterglow can be just as intense as any climax. So try to avoid instant slumber, or an inquisition on the future of the relationship, feel free to enjoy the moment, the warmth of another body, the acceptance of another human being. The petting and cuddling can build intense connection and if your lucky lead to more sex, crazy, deep sex!

Have you got any tips to improve our modern sex lives? Share your comments below!