Bloody hell people, look at you all, sitting there huffing and puffing, just back from the gym or running laps in the park; why do you do it to yourselves? ‘Oh because it keeps me fit’ I hear you moaning! Are you crazy? Why spend all that money on outfits, memberships and equipment when with a little help from your friends you could be rock hard in no time… and fit to boot!

And the secret to this fountain of physical fervour… just say yes baby, it’s that simple. There have been so many surveys into the health benefits of sex it’s a wonder you’re not allowed to plug away in the streets nowadays.

Look at what I’m talking about – ‘I’m off jogging Tommy, you fancy coming along?’ – ‘No thanks mate, I’m going to pop around and ride that blonde at number 42 ‘

You see; two approaches, both with great results; that said, I know which method I’d be adopting!

If you do the pelvic press with vigour two or three times a week those burnt calories are going to build up, in fact over a year it would equate to jogging somewhere in the vicinity of 75 miles!

There is mounting evidence suggesting that indulging a healthy sexual appetite can be of benefit in numerous ways, from decreasing the risk of prostate cancer through increased ejaculation to the reduction of stress and depression, all through rumpy-pumpy.

Really, since the days of the good ol’ Rocky gyms, fitness clubs have become neon lit trend houses for beautiful people who want to make sure they remain that way… for the rest of us, sweating it out in front of those pinups is hardly appealing, but just imagine if your workouts consisted of a quiet DVD with your partner, a little foreplay and half an hour on the job… BANG! 150 calories gone!

And so far we’re just talking physical benefits, just imagine the wonders regular bone-sessions do for us all mentally. Have you ever noticed what a right shit you can become when you’re a few weeks or god forbid months into a sex drought? Everyone seems more annoying, simple tasks become burdensome and the world just generally isn’t as much fun.

Then like an all-healing tonic, a good shag frees you of all that weight, you feel like you could take on the world with one hand tied behind your back. Sometimes we forget the high regular sex continually delivers us. It keeps our mental energy up and our self confidence brimming which counts for a huge amount in regard to our overall well being.

It really is the be all and end all when it comes to well-being practice… can you imagine if Hitler had of been dating a Jenna Jameson type in the early thirties? You can bet the farm that the forties would have been a calmer decade!

So keep saucy sex in mind next time you’re looking at those love handles or you’re feeling a bit down. Make an effort to jump your partner a little more often or get out there and find someone looking for some physical relations as well… You be screwing yourself healthy in no time.