We all seek adventure, fun, and adrenaline inducing activities. It’s what keeps things interesting.

The element of excitement, of novelty and exploration will be a driving force throughout anyone’s life journey; the only difference is where we find it.

With some couples they find it in the playground of the swinger’s world or the lifestyle.

Opening your relationship to this lifestyle will bring along challenges, one such challenge is learning how jealousy fits into this kind of relationship.
If you’re going to be in the lifestyle, you have to figure out how you’re going to deal with this strong emotion out in the open. Once you learn how to deal with it, it will make your connection stronger.

Everyone deals with it differently, but the most important and freeing factor about dealing with this emotion is the evolution it allows you to experience. From jealous, turbulent feelings you progress into compersion.

Below are the 6 steps of this development.

1.  Almost everyone gets jealous in various degrees – It’s really ok!

Jealousy is that heavy feeling that grabs you when you think about your partner getting frisky or sharing a connection with someone else other than you. It’s an emotion not strange to the majority of us. There are some people who claim to not feeling jealousy, but for the majority of us, jealousy is an emotion we are all too familiar with.

Jealousy is good. Jealousy means you care. It’s not about whether you feel jealous, but how you channel that feeling.
Some channel it into anger, some feel resentful, and some lucky ones feel excited.
To keep this emotion in check, you first need to recognise and admit that you feel jealous, so it doesn’t sneak up on you at the worst time.
Ironically, a small part of jealousy sits comfortably with feelings of excitement. It reiterates those feelings you had before you settled down, the sweat-bitter feeling that you might lose your love interest to another. The driving force to keep you on your toes and try your best to prove you are the ‘better choice’. In a nutshell, the conquest game all over again, hence the appeal of the lifestyle.

2.  Darker side of jealousy is often hiding other bigger issues

Take time to assess why you are feeling jealous. The problem with jealousy is that it masks other feelings and attitudes that are even more hurtful to us and those closest to us. Jealousy can be shielding deep-seated feelings of possessiveness, insecurity or shame formed by bad experiences in the past.
Being able to recognise these in yourself can help you work through feelings of jealousy when they do arise. Understanding the roots, triggers and reasons for our feelings of jealousy is an important part of maintaining a healthy relationship, monogamous or not.

We can act against the thoughts that tell us to be suspicious, mistrusting and accusatory and in the long run it will strengthen you as an individual and improve your trust and communication with your partner.
3. Do you get turned-on by watching your partner with someone else?

    Apparently, there’s a term for it, it’s called COMPERSION.

Compersion is such a new concept, that it needs explaining…

Compersion means the feeling of being turned-on or excited for your partner when they have a good time with someone else other than you.

Yep, it’s a real thing!

Most people don’t feel compersion automatically, because we are just not conditioned for it, it’s not something we’re socialized to feel. We are taught that jealousy is a natural response of loving someone and possession is an expression of passion.

Compersion is contrary to how we view relationships and expect to operate in them. We are raised to believe that when we are one half of a couple, we should derive all our happiness and pleasure from that single partner and only experience it together with that partner. Compersion challenges this ideology.

Compersion is about acknowledging your partner’s separate needs, desires and sexual experiences. This will strengthen your relationship. Prehaps, a vast majority of you have experienced compersion many times and it’s a great feeling. This amazing feeling could possibly explain why so many couples are into hotwife and cuckold fantasies.

4.   Can anyone attain compersion?

It’s not for everyone, but most people can have that feeling if they communicate properly.

It’s a gradual process, with lots of honest and open communication with your partner.

First identify why you feel jealous. What are its roots and triggers. Once you identified them you can stop them from taking control. Most importantly, keep communicating with each other. Express your feelings and tell them when you are feeling jealous. Expressing your feeling of jealousy early is better than letting them fester. An understanding partner knows that compersion is achieved through time and lots of talk. By giving it a go, you could open your heart to many happy and interesting possibilities.

5.    Expect a fluctuation between Jealousy and compersion

Just because you felt compersion once, it doesn’t mean you have melted away feelings of jealousy forever. It takes time; you need to feel confident in yourself and your relationship. It’s important to remember that this is a journey and not a race.

It’s important to remember this, if you are feeling something that means it’s real, it doesn’t mean you’re allowed to act however you want. Bursts of jealous rage, or any other unacceptable behaviour in front of other people who are not at fault is not acceptable.

6.    Communication invalidates jealousy

Communication is the premise of non-monogamous relationships, in part because if there isn’t transparency in these relationships it will head to collision.
If you start feeling jealous communicate this to your partner so it doesn’t fester into bigger emotions of resentment and anger.
Also in conjunction to expressing yourself in a relationship is listening, actively and openly, without judgement or interruption.

How do you deal with your feelings of jealousy? Please share with us in the comments section below.