It’s your first swinger’s/sex party and as a well organised, enthusiastic pleasure seeker, you decide to prepare for the best night of your life…

You pack your favourite vibrator, a pair of handcuffs; condoms, lube, massage oil and you feel you’re all set.

There are some things, however, you need to be prepared for aside from getting your bag of tricks ready. Whether you are a seasoned swinger or a newbie this might shed light into things that you might have dismissed as irrelevant or finicky. Following are a few tips for surviving a sex party.

1. Be prepared

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True, some party venues provide guests with free condoms and tiny packets of lube at the door. This is not going to last you and get you past second base. So definitely, pack some of your own.

While it’s not necessary to bring the entire contents of your naughty drawer, you should take along the basics – your favourite lube, one to remember especially if you are extra sensitive or have any allergies to latex. Maybe pack some of your favourite toys, vibrators, and a costume if you like to dress up and role-play.

It might also be wise to pack a couple of towels and a change of clothes. After a night of frolicking, it will make you feel like you can face the world once you had a shower and put on some new clothes on.

In addition, each club or house party has rules. Rules are intended to make everyone safe. You need to know them well, a good idea is to ring in advance or check the club’s website. The advantage, of course, is that you walk in like you own the place rather than look like a scared puppy hanging out in the dark corners frighted of everyone around. The better prepared you are the better your experience will be.

2. Put some thought to your choice of wardrobe

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There’s nothing worse than wasting your energy and passion on trying to get those skinny jeans off. You’ll both end up exhausted for the wrong reason.

Wear a sexy skirt sans panties for when things get heated up cause nobody ain’t got the time for elaborate and complicated obstructions.

However, sometimes parties are themed so they ask you to come dressed in latex, leather, uniforms or glam evening wear.

3. Scrubbing Up

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Trim, shave, or wax whatever your preference but ensure you look absolutely your best because unlike other parties you are more definitely going to end up naked. Stage one is your sexy clothes you walked in with, then your sexy lingerie and last you’ll end up in your birthday suit. All eyes are going to be on you and you better impress!

4. Look and smell your best

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Hygiene will break or seal the deal. If you are left all alone in a room where things were about to happen. Ask if you brushed your teeth, groomed or had a shower. Don’t be the skunk in the room.

5. Party etiquette

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It’s a sex party, yes but it’s not free for all policy. There’s a sexy feeling in the air but personal boundaries still prevail. So don’t go around smacking every sexy ass you see or try to grope people up.

Before nibbling on that sexy stranger’s ear, placing a hand on their thigh, show some manners and ask permission. It’s important that all participants feel comfortable, and that all intimate acts are consensual.

6. Watch first, and then decide

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You can do all the Internet research you want, but you’re not going to really understand what it’s like to be in a swinging environment until you’ve been there. Your first time, it’s typically a good idea to just go and see how things unfold. There will be plenty to see and learn.  Roam around, observe and learn how things work.

Then, if it’s something you’re into, and you’re in the mood, figure out how you fit in and either ask if you can join in or leave it for another time. No one couple is the same and what works for one, doesn’t mean it works for the other. If you are comfortable join in the fun.

7. Door Closed vs Door Open

Be respectful of others’ space, especially if they are trying to have a bit of a private play with someone else with the bedroom door closed. Usually, doors closed mean DO NOT DISTURB. However, if doors are left open then a couple is happy to either being watched or being joined by another couple or person.

While voyeurism and exhibitionism are a big part of any play party, there’s a definite line between creepy and non-creepy.

Whether you are single or a couple if you make yourself a pleasant party guest and make a good impression, someone is bound to ask you to play.

8. Expect nothing and the unexpected

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Walk in with no expectations. People instinctively know when someone comes in with expectations; those who are casual about being around sexy people become more attractive.

Sex parties draw in a variety of people and not all fall within your definition of attractive. Be prepared to go to parties and not quite meet someone who ticks all your boxes, but you’re still in luck as there’s novelty to do the dirty deed somewhere new.

9. Be respectful of partners

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If you want to get invited to join a couple you need to build a rapport. You need to impress both parties. Although, some couples are comfortable playing alone, the majority want to play together. It’s important that you respect their boundaries and ensure yours are considered too.

If at any stage you are invited to participated in an activity you are not ready for yet, say politely “I’m really flattered by the invitation, but I’m not interested.”

10. Discuss, set and keep your boundaries

Even the most open of relationships will have boundaries that they work with. Play parties are lots of fun and an incredible turn on for some couples, but jealousy surface. To avoid jealousy it’s a good idea to regulate the level of physical contact with others.

Some couples are comfortable playing together, others are happy playing alone, and none is wrong just whatever is your comfort zone. Agree on rules and boundaries and do not break them. If you feel after the first or several sex parties you are ready to raise the stake, bring up the issue with your partner and re-negotiate your rules.

11. Connect with your partner regularly

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Connect with your partner regularly so they still feel like they are number one, because if they feel good and safe the more fun you are going to have.

On the whole, if you both come out feeling great about the party and your experience there, the more likely you are going to go to another sex party in the near future.

12. You need to be social

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Many people go to swingers parties and complain that everybody there is “too cliquish.” Yes, swingers gravitate towards their friends — like everybody else — but go up and say hello, and you’ll be surprised how fast people will welcome you.

13. Learn the lingo

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When you hear the words “full swap,” it’s the term for couples that are down for full-on sex with another couple.

When you hear the word ‘unicorn’ in a conversation they’re talking about a female who attends swinger’s events alone.

Other useful terms include “soft swap”, couples who’ll play with other couples but won’t “go all the way” and “the lifestyle,” which is a term swingers’ use to describe their lifestyle.

14. Don’t overdo the alcohol

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You know what’s a miserable feeling? Spending all week fantasising about a threesome or a foursome, getting to the point where it’ll actually happen, and then realising you drank too much to do anything about it.

Sure, you might need a drink or two to loosen up, but past that you risk suffering from whiskey dick. Honestly, nobody wants to have sex with an inebriated mess.

15. Soothe Your Nerves

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You’re bound to be a little nervous at your first party.  There are plenty of experienced sex party-goers who still feel nervous before every party.

It’s really OK to feel nervous. One of the best ways to get past your nerves is to talk to people at the party. Tell them it’s your first time.  There are plenty of nice people who would be willing to show you the ropes or help you feel more comfortable.

16. Set realistic expectations

Even if you and your partner agree to be down for “full swap,” don’t go to a swingers parties with the unrealistic expectations. Nobody’s guaranteeing an orgy or “full swap”, sometimes you may go and not find any couples you like.

Also, the action may not start until much later in the evening, so don’t get bored and leave because nobody’s getting it on by midnight. People sometimes take the time to warm up to each other and to get in the right space for what they about to share with each other. It has to feel right for everybody involved.

17. Let the women lead the way

Guys, if you have a woman who is even CONSIDERING participating in an activity that allows you to have sex with other women, you can consider yourself a lucky man. Don’t  pressure your lady into doing anything she doesn’t want to do.

Let her take the lead. In the swinging world, the women are the ones who give the green light, so be patient and allow her to call the shots.

18. Be adventurous

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Dare to let go and try new things, things you’ve perhaps never thought about or were too shy to try! This is the place where you can let loose and almost be someone else for a night. If you don’t usually make noise, pretend you’re a porn star or try positions you’ve never done with someone before. Well, any position with more than two of you is likely to be new at this point!

19. You need to debrief

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Debrief after every time you swing, check on how you feel, what you liked, and what didn’t. The conversation will allow you to discuss the experience and figure out if rules need to be changed or added, or if there are different things you’d both like to try next time.

Talking about what you did after the fact is the most important part in making the next experience just as mind blowing.

20. Have Fun

If you decide not to play with another couple or you just didn’t hit it off with anyone. You’re in a sex party. So why don’t you go and have sex somewhere, there are plenty of dark corners, and couches. Be warned that all the prime spots tend to get staked out fast.

Hopefully, these tips will help you better prepare for your sex party. Just remember that everyone is going to be a bit nervous, just looking to have a good time, so relax and enjoy the unique experience. Have fun!
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