There’s a lot of fiction surrounding sex out there – and we’re not talking about the 50 Shades variety! From who should be initiating sex to what actually makes a good session between the sheets there’s a lot of myths floating around and it’s time to set the record straight. Dr Gabrielle Morrissey separates fact from fiction when it comes to what’s going on in the bedroom.

1 – Men should initiate sex and women should wait to be seduced

Casting yourself in a fixed role is extremely limiting. Many men tire of playing the ‘sexual aggressor’ and find the pressure to continually initiate sex a burden. They appreciate being romanced and lusted after by a woman. Women do not have to wait for men to suggest sex. When women desire sex, they can feel confident to initiate it without seeming forward. Healthy sexuality includes expressing your needs and sharing responsibility for your sexual fulfillment.

2 – I am not sexual unless I am sexually active

We are all sexual beings throughout our life span, whether we have a sexual partner or not. We have sexual fantasies and desires, even if we do not act on them. Positive sexual health includes acknowledging your sexuality and encouraging a good sexual self-concept of yourself. Boost your body image and sexual self-esteem by pampering yourself. Buy yourself a sexy outfit or lingerie that feels good against your skin, or indulge in a bubble bath. Every person is individually sexy and sexual, and we can all express our sexuality with or without a partner.

3 – Sex is only physical

Most people who believe this myth are missing out on some great sex. Of course there’s room in all our sex lives for a basic bonk or marathon session but lovers who share more than the physical, often describe their sex as far more satisfying than those who focus only on size, grunt and motion. Our brains are our most sexual organ, responsible not just for turning us on or off, but also for determining the intensity of our desire, attachment and emotion. If you share your thoughts, feelings, humour, fears and secrets, sex will feel more like a mind-blowing spiritual experience with a lasting afterglow than a 20 minute get-your-rocks-off routine.

4 – Good sex is all about looks

A lot of people find physical beauty sexually stimulating. What each of us considers visually beautiful, however, is extremely diverse. Good sex is not about physical beauty, but about connection and satisfaction. The size of your breasts, or biceps, has nothing to do with your ability to feel and give sexual pleasure.

5 – Safer sex is a drag

The comparison of wearing a condom to ‘it’s like wearing a raincoat’ has gotten so out of hand that you might expect a condom to make you feel like you’re barely in the same room with your partner. While some people report feeling a slight dulling of sensation with condoms, surveys show many don’t feel much difference at all. If you go the rubber way from the start, safer sex will simply feel normal. For those of you who have been reluctant, try it: you might be surprised at how good it can feel. Condoms provide maximum relief from anxiety such as worrying about STIs or pregnancy leaving you free to concentrate on what’s going on in the bed instead!

6 – Talking about sex ruins the passion

Talking about what we want sexually can be done in many ways and heighten passion, not ruin it. If you have a desire to try something new, be suggestive by talking about it. You may want to drive the passion levels up by mentioning a teaser over breakfast, making a few revealing phone calls to your partner during the day, and bringing the point home with a final flirty cocktail chat. Then, hopefully, it’s time for pillow talk…

7 – Sex automatically guarantees love and affection

Sex and love often go together for many couples. In fact, many would say sex is best with love and affection. But the act of sex does not ensure mutual love and affection between partners. Sometimes your soul, ego and heart crave love, and sex becomes the nearest answer – and it’s easier to find than love. If you’re looking for hugs and companionship, then you won’t necessarily find it in sex, especially casual sex. If attention is what you want, you don’t need sex (or the responsibility that comes with it) to get it.

8 – Sex in real life is like sex in the movies

Most of us know that sex in real life does not resemble the airbrushed, idealised images of lovemaking in film. Yet many people still hold those romantic, perfect expectations for their own sex lives, and then suffer disappointment when they fall short. In real life, the phone rings to interrupt us, we discover we haven’t got any condoms left in the drawer or the baby wakes up screaming just when things get going. Release your expectations of having Hollywood-style celluloid sex and remember that real sex has its flaws like anything else in the real world.

9 – Sex is a natural behaviour that comes automatically

Sure we all have our basic instincts, but to have good, healthy sex you need to do a little homework. Some of the best ways to learn to be a great lover are to talk with your partner, experiment with their unique pleasure zones and desires, and practice, practice, practice! There isn’t any shame in asking to learn more about the art and skill of lovemaking.

10 – There’s something wrong with you if you think about sex a lot

People go through phases of high sexual drive and lower sexual energy throughout their lives. It is completely natural to think about sex. Sexual fantasies and thoughts are a natural expression of our sexual energy. As long as you keep them in your imagination, sexual thoughts are harmless. You can act on them if you are sure no one else will be physically or emotionally hurt. As long thinking or fantasising about sex is only one part of your life, and does not stop you from going out and enjoying life, then you are completely normal.

Source: bodyandsoul.com.au