10 Red Flags in his home that indicate you should walk right out the door
Whatever the situation might be, you’ve found yourself in a man’s home. Maybe you’ve been on a successful date and you’ve made it back to his place. If you both play your cards right, it might be a one-way ticket to bang-town. Here are 10 Red Flags in his home that indicate you should walk right back out the door.
1. Clothes all over the floor or bed.
How am I supposed to get jiggy while surrounded by your dirty socks? That’s NASTY. This show that they seemingly can’t set in place a hierarchy of priorities for organising their life. If they haven’t taken a few moments to at least hide their mess to impress you, it might be an indicator that they won’t make much effort in the rest of their life either.
2. Piles of dirty dishes (bonus points for mould)
A few dirty dishes is acceptable, we know you’re not a robot. But if you’ve planned to have a lady at your place, and there is a weeks’ (or more!) worth of dishes piled in your kitchen (or worse, through the rest of the house) this illustrates that you can’t look after yourself properly. If there is mouldy or smelly food, that’s when it moves from ‘gross’, to ‘health hazard’.
3. A bad smell
If your house smells, I am OUT. Where is it coming from? Did something die in here? Have you not taken out the trash in a month? Stop.
4. Bed with no cover/stains
An un-unmade bed can be forgiven, however, if you’ve got super old or dirty pillows, just a doona/duvet with no cover, possibly stained. Crumbs or food in the bed are an additional warning bell. You don’t want to be picking food out of your hair after a love-making session. If there are used tissues or crusty socks in there, RUN.
It doesn’t cost much to grab a nice cover for your bed from Kmart or target.
5. Decor
Things like:
No lamps: Come on, we need some mood lighting here.
Not a single book in the house: To quote John Waters: ‘If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t f*ck them’.
Posters of naked women: Is this a teenage boy’s room? Blu-tacked posters of extremely photoshopped women with fake tits do not make me feel sexy or inclined to have sex with you. Get some art.
6. Signs of pet neglect
This can include things such as:
Unclean litter boxes
Matted fur
Smell of urine
Fur everywhere
Pet faeces
This is not only a red flag for the house but a red flag for the poor neglected animal. Anyone who cannot look after their own pet definitely does not have their priorities in order.
7. Dirty toilet
Gross. No. Gross. No. This shows a lack of general hygiene and cleanliness.
8. Stains
What is that mystery stain? Is it coffee, is it faeces? I am not sure that I want to know, but it still shouldn’t be there!
9. Any signs of Hoarding
Can you hear that? That’s the sound of alarm bells ringing! Hoarders have some real problems that need addressing. If he has piles and piles of seemingly pointless ‘stuff’ and mess, this can be an indicator of some underlying issues. NOTE that collectibles are not hoarding, they are hobbies.
10. A whole bunch of fast food wrappers.
Even the best of us can be partial to the occasional 2 am Maccas run. But weeks or months’ worth of fast food wrappers are alarming. Can this man feed himself? Does he know where his bin is? Has he ever eaten a vegetable?
A good rule of thumb: Is there anything in his home that makes you ask: ‘Am I going to be murdered in this house?’
GREEN LIGHTS (You know, the opposite of red flags)
House Plants.
Candles.
Clean towels (and more than one).
Dirty laundry that is in a basket/hamper.
Well cared for pets.
Fruit and Veg in the fridge (that aren’t floppy or mouldy).
Art on the walls.
The bar has not been raised particularly high here lads. Go to Kmart, spend $50 and impress all the ladies you bring home!
