As most couples who have spent some time meeting others would no doubt have experienced, the world of swinging provides some toe-curling sexual possibilities. Many have also been fortunate enough to make some great friends from the scene and blessedly their weekends are now abound with enough social engagements to make Paris Hilton spin on her heels. On the other hand, walking on the wild side can also open up opportunities for people to experience some embarrassing conundrums as well as Twilight Zone moments that would leave the most seasoned veterans of the swinging scene slack-jawed with disbelief. We’ll take a look at some of these sticky situations and how you can avoid them, or at the very least, go into damage control and salvage the rest of your night.

Situation #1: Stage fright on opening night

Your drinks date with a new couple has turned out very well and you are all in absolute, definite, positive agreement that playing is on the cards. You go back to their place and after a few more drinks, move into the bedroom to get to know each other better. There’s a lot of foreplay and the atmosphere is sexually charged. Sadly, one (or both) of the guys seems unable to plug and play. End of party?

Damage Control: This happens far more often than one thinks amongst the male of swinging couples, particularly if they are new to the scene. Factors such as alcohol, condoms, an unfamiliar bedroom and an even more unfamiliar woman are not conducive to instant, all-night erections for most men.
If you’re all good sports then just write the experience off as first time jitters and either continue with the foreplay, let the girls have fun (if bisexual) or turn to the more familiar waters of your own partner to finish the night off. Reassure everyone that the night has been fun and don’t put any pressure on each other to try again. Even if partner swapping is integral to your swinging experience, pressure is never going to help a penis.

How to Avoid: It’s probably unreasonable to demand that the couples you meet are all ‘sure performers’ but if you do want to improve your odds, consider hand-picking openly experienced couples whose profiles pretty much demand partner swapping. If this isn’t your thing either, then patience is required.
More often than not, the second time is the charm for couples once the nerve-wracking first time is done and dusted. Even the more experienced men feel better at ease knowing the other party are happy to give it another shot. Try and eliminate excessive alcohol consumption and ensure you give yourselves enough time to enjoy yourselves. There’s also nothing worse than trying to perform in the wee small hours of the night when you’d really rather be asleep.
If the performance issue is an ongoing problem for you, then you may need to accept that partner swapping is off the menu and simply enjoy foreplay swapping and sex with your own partner. More and more couples are engaging in this type of ‘soft’ swinging, and happily so. Otherwise, your other option is to seek pharmaceutical assistance which has become well favoured by modern swingers. Embarrassed by the thought of seeing your GP for a prescription? Well don’t be. As long as your GP is happy with your health, she/he won’t care why you need those magic pills.

Situation #2: “Thanks but I am not into penises other than my own”

Neither of you are homophobic but Mr is certified straight and has no interest in playing with other men. You therefore tend to meet couples who are similar in orientation out of convenience and consideration. However, at a swingers party (where sadly no one has their sexual orientation scrawled on their foreheads) some guy has found religion in the form of your penis. You’d rather he prayed somewhere else but what to do?

Damage Control: How a man handles this situation will be a true test of his cool. Many will no doubt be tempted to run far, far away (naked and all) but if possible, keep things civil and politely extract your member from the other party’s hand/mouth and explain that you are completely straight and even passive activities are not of interest. If the incident hasn’t put a dent in your evening, continue. If it has, move on to new play friends or call it a night.

How to Avoid: Other than stressing to couples you meet online that absolutely no male/male interaction is allowed (without sounding like a complete homophobe), there’s not much you can do, especially at a party where you can’t immediately tell who is into what. Fortunately, most bisexual guys in the scene know better than to latch onto random penises (unless they are at a party specifically for bi men) so this sort of thing is not likely to happen that often.
However, it pays to be mindful that the scene does require an open attitude. Even if you’re not bi, you do need to accept that incidental touching can occur from time to time, especially if a number of guys are man-handling the same lady on the same bed. Not your scene either? Then you’re best to stick to meeting couples where you can control what happens in the bedroom a little more.

Situation #3: Wasn’t he supposed to be 6-foot tall and she an Angelina look-alike?

You’ve arranged a date with a couple you’ve been chatting up. They’re self-rated as ‘very attractive’ on their RHP profile and their private gallery is full of great x-rated body shots which instills you with hope and excitement. On meeting them in the flesh however, you’re lost for words: the couple promised a Brangelina clone but delivered a pair of tourists from Middle Earth.

Damage Control: If the couple hasn’t stretched the truth too much (or you have a thing for Hobbits), you may as well have a chat over a few drinks (extending your social network is never a bad thing either). After all, you may rate them as ‘average’ but who’s to say they can’t rate themselves as ‘very attractive’? Maybe other people would agree with them? It’s all quite subjective at the end of the day.
However, if the difference between their photos/profile and the real thing is so great that you can’t even pretend that there’s nothing amiss, then you should by all means approach this point, albeit delicately and preferably the next day after you’ve had some time to think about whether that difference was perceived (you had high expectations) or real (they were being deceptive). If the latter, just be frank and let them know that they should consider revising their profile and photos. They’ll get the message.

How to Avoid: This is tricky as how a person rates themselves is completely subjective. Just because someone is not attractive in your eyes, doesn’t mean that they are not to someone else. You should therefore not put too much credence on a person’s self-rating unless you appreciate the confidence it takes for a couple to rate themselves so highly.
Photos are a good start to see if attraction exists but do ask for a face photo also if body shots are not enough. If it is very important that the couple you meet looks exactly like their photos, see if you can arrange a webcam chat date before actually meeting. You can also ask the couple to photo verify their RHP profile which will tell you that their photos do actually belong to them. Furthermore, if the couple you are meeting have a lot of validations or friends on RHP, you should get an idea that this couple is genuine and probably well-liked for that reason.